Intamacy and commitment

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I can't be intimate, and I can't commit.

When either of those two things approach near me, I run a mile.
I don't know why this is, but it frightens me and makes me feel totally gross. Maybe it's about being with the right person? Or maybe I'm just someone that's better alone - friends and nobody's GF.

Anyone else feel like this?

You likely have fear of emotional intimacy Hale, I probably have the same thing. There are factors why I have this, firstly my liking to be left alone for large periods of time, secondly I am very secretive even among my family, thirdly I have a high desire for privacy and finally I fear if I expose my true self to others, they will be replused by it. I feel people will make fun of me being a dreamy, absent minded professor type. I was a prototype for an absent minded professor in high school from age 15-18 and I was made fun of behind my back by other students, I was at best a social fringe dweller. That experience still burns inside me.

A key element to a successful relationship is opening yourself up emotionally to your partner. For people like me who have a lot of emotional defenses we have built up during the years, in my case a reaction toward my bullying, plus my unusual family life. For this key reason I am going to find forming a long term relationship extremely diffcult.

I guess I am going to follow the pattern I seem to be following versus my father and sister, I will be much more finanically, educationally and professionally sucessful as they are, but a social failure and more than likely dying single and childless, ah well.

Intimacy as in sex/kissing? About the intimacy, I know exactly what you mean. With regards to committment, not really. I'd have no trouble committing to a relationship where the other person was also committed to me, but the idea of intimacy with anyone terrifies me. I wouldn't mind being in a partnership but without the intimacy part. I could deal with hugging after I got to know someone.

Danlo I think Hale meant emotional intimacy.

I concur with newchum, and the amateur psychiatrist says in me that it all stems from some previous emotional turmoil.

I mean intimacy, not physical stuff. Someone opening themself to you and putting themself in a vulnerable position. I can deal with kissing and stuff as long as it's with someone hot.

I'm just the opposite. I crave emotional intimacy, and I like the physical aspect as long as it is confined to hugs, kisses, cuddling, and pretty much anything that isn't intercourse.

But then I'm at the NT end of the AS spectrum.

I don't have any issues with intimacy. I don't think it's got anything do with Asperger's Syndrome. That's more of an avoidant personality disorder issue IMO. It'd be useful if there was a co-morbid disorders board to talk about things like that on, I guess.

I've never felt enough of a connection with anyone to be very intimate, that and I have an aversion to talking about myself, actually talking at all.

Someday I hope to meet someone who a. does not smile b. only talks when they have something to say (unless they are being silly) c. doesn't take themselves seriously.

There is a chick in one of my classes and, as I'm walking up the stairs in the lecture hall to my seat, she sometimes fixes me with this unflinching almost hostile gaze. I f*****g love it! It's the one reason I almost never skip that class. Ahhh, I do love life sometimes!

Err... so am I..



You're probably right.

I enjoy the physical intimacy, such as kissing and sex, but see no point in commitment. Usually, the phyical stuff comes from a girl I meet randomly in a club (in which case it doesn't go beyond making out), or from an escort. In the case of a girl in a club, I actually feel some emotion, usually a feeling similar to a crush, and exhiliration about the randomness of the situation; of course I also enjoy the physical intimacy taking place. But the reason I feel this way is not in spite of, but because there's no commitment involved. She's enjoying my company; I'm enjoying hers. No one owes anything other than the time spent dancing. I guess that's why enjoy those situations so much.

Intimacy and commitment never approach me, so I can't relate.