Some advice...

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I was just talking to an attractive girl on a dating site. She asked me what am I looking for as far as hanging out, dating, or a long term relationship. I answered by saying that I'm looking to date, take things one day at a time, and if things get serious and turn into a long term relationship, fine, if not, oh well. She said "exactly!" and continued talking to me.

Women don't want to be a guy's second mother. When you hear about relationships where there's deep affection and caring, these couples have likely been together for months, if not years. Women will be the first ones to tell you that they don't want a guy who expects too much out of the relationship from the get-go. They're looking for a guy to have a fun time with and create memories with, and if she enjoys spending time with him and vice versa, they begin to have a deeper affection for one another. What a lot of the guys on here seem to be looking for is a wife without the wedding ring.

I can hear a few people in particular saying "I don't want to get under a woman. I want to love and be loved" or something to that effect. It has nothing to do with sex. Women want a guy who's fun to be around, loves life, and makes her feel good inside. Then, and only then, does she begin to give the affection that a lot of you want.

The way I see it, someone to just do fun things with and not be too serious around is merely a friend. Those are easy to get, even for oh-so impoverished me. If sex is involved, it's FWB.

Though now I think I understand why I generally prefer dating women that have been my friends for a while...

That's why you should be expanding your social circle instead of limiting it to your church. The more female friends you have, the more likely chance you have of getting a girlfriend.

The other problem with your existing female friends could be that you act too tentative around them and they don't view you as a prospective lover.

Hmm... you're probably right on this. I've always had a bit of a nomenclature issue because my definition of "girlfriend" deviates from the norm quite a bit. Try as I might, I just can't apply the title if there's no meaning behind it. I keep trying though...

What I'm saying is, if you're anything in person like you type in your posts, you're probably shy and awkward around your female friends. Women tend to fall for guys that are stand-up guys that make them laugh or share common values and interests with them. My cousin is not good looking at all and overweight, but he has a really pretty girlfriend because she got to know him as friends and see that he was a cool guy (in her opinion anyway.) Merely having female friends isn't necessarily going to lead to romance. Let me ask you Toad, how do you act around your female friends?

Depends on how long i've known the friend in question, and how familiar the setting is. I'm fairly open with a friend I've known for months/years and we're in my church, while a friend i've only recently become friends with and I'm meeting in a restaurant or something I'll be a little quieter around.

However, the largest component that affects my particular case would probably be the fact that I become a lot quieter when I try to exhibit attraction. Even normal friendish interactions with women I'm attracted to come easy... it's just when i try to get into flirtations that I get all awkward. But even then it's still goes better than trying to approach a complete stranger, because I know something of the personality in question, and I don't have to do as much guesswork in constructing possible scenarios. Also, being friends means I have more chances to be anywhere near the woman, allowing me to incrementally work up to straight-up flirting.

If it's affection and a serious relationship you crave, why not join EHarmony? It doesn't have the usual b.s. on dating sites. These are women either looking to get married or looking to find the love of their life, and they match you based on compatibility. You could find a quiet church girl just like yourself, and they refund your money if you don't meet anyone.

I've been thinking about that for a while to be honest. If they really do refund all your money if you dont find anyone, that's another concern i have addressed. Now i just need to figure out how to get past feeling like the ultimate failure for having to use an online service...

A lot of NT men and women use it because they're sick of the bar scene.

Toad do you really mean that, or is it an excuse? I rip on online dating sites all the live long day and I will never personally use them, but the fact is, I know outgoing, "cool" NT dudes that have given eharmony a go due to frustration otherwise. Sure it was fleeting, but the point is there was no shame in it, and despite my views on the whole thing I didn't think for a second that it was a discredit to them. Being in the position you are, I don't see why you would think that either.

"Failure" entails an ultimate lack of success in achieving your goals. "Success" is not contingent on using specific methods and channels to achieve them.

Thanks to online dating, I may lose my virginity to a hot woman sooner than expected. Years ago when I was depressed I refused to give a full-fledged effort because I thought I was using the cheat codes to beat the game. Well if it weren't for facebook (not online dating, but still online networking nonetheless) I wouldn't have had my first girlfriend and would likely still be on websites or chat rooms complaining to people.

I've kind of realized this... I don't care to ry to predict what my relationships might be like in the distant future. I just keep walking and deal with what happens.

I use dating sites because I hate going to bars (sensory overload) and just don't have time to do the NT social hoop jumping nonsense.

How is using online dating being a "failure"?

You're a failure if you don't bother to make an effort.

All sorts of men use dating sites, I've been on one for years, not just people who come across as "failures".
The only thing stopping your progression is your silly attitude to yourself.

They are also looking for this perfect super-model type that meets a rigid set of criteria. What most of these dateless aspies need to do is take a long hard look at themselves first and have some realistic expectations.