Page 1 of 1 [ 11 posts ] 

CHAOS
Raven
Raven

User avatar

Joined: 16 Jan 2006
Gender: Male
Posts: 113
Location: MD

01 Mar 2006, 5:25 pm

My social skills always kill me in a situation like this. I meet a person, or a person meets me, and they seem really interesting and interested in me. Things go ok and we talk in class and little bit away from class. Then all of a sudden during a class they don't talk to you and they are sitting with other people. This then results from less talk coming from them away from class as well.

My close friends say I'm a great person and all but it seems that those qualities that make me interesting, different, awesome whatever don't seem to be easily conveyed to other people I haven't known as long. I'm never much for words unless someone gets the ball rolling or I have known them forever. And it's always the same, it's the guy who is a little older, more sociable, and "better looking" by socity's standards that seems to be the one that's in luck.

I guess my question is, what's the best way to show your unique side to people of interest? After they've come halfway, how do I do the same?


I wonder if I should PM this to groovydruid or whichever.


_________________
MySpace: awalkintheforest
"I'm so sick in the head I need to be bled dry to quit."


hale_bopp
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 2 Nov 2004
Gender: Female
Posts: 17,054
Location: None

01 Mar 2006, 9:11 pm

CHAOS wrote:
My social skills always kill me in a situation like this. I meet a person, or a person meets me, and they seem really interesting and interested in me. Things go ok and we talk in class and little bit away from class. Then all of a sudden during a class they don't talk to you and they are sitting with other people. This then results from less talk coming from them away from class as well.

My close friends say I'm a great person and all but it seems that those qualities that make me interesting, different, awesome whatever don't seem to be easily conveyed to other people I haven't known as long. I'm never much for words unless someone gets the ball rolling or I have known them forever. And it's always the same, it's the guy who is a little older, more sociable, and "better looking" by socity's standards that seems to be the one that's in luck.

I guess my question is, what's the best way to show your unique side to people of interest? After they've come halfway, how do I do the same?


I wonder if I should PM this to groovydruid or whichever.


You just explained my life story.



danlo
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 11 Mar 2005
Age: 36
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,079
Location: Western Australia

02 Mar 2006, 5:11 am

Just keep being your boring, uninteresting self. Eventually you'll meet someone who's just like yourself, or you won't. Of course, meeting someone like yourself on the internet won't work because you're both boring people who can't find anything interesting to talk about. Oh well, such is life.


_________________
"Hitting bottom isn't a weekend retreat, it isn't a goddamned seminar. Stop trying to control everything and just let go!"


redvelvet
Deinonychus
Deinonychus

User avatar

Joined: 1 Dec 2005
Gender: Female
Posts: 356
Location: England

02 Mar 2006, 10:56 am

GrooveyDruid would definately help. His very knowledgeable about relationships. :D


_________________
You never know whats around the corner. or who?


Fiz
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 29 Jan 2006
Age: 37
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,821
Location: Manchester, United Kingdom

08 Mar 2006, 5:48 pm

hale_bopp wrote:
CHAOS wrote:
My social skills always kill me in a situation like this. I meet a person, or a person meets me, and they seem really interesting and interested in me. Things go ok and we talk in class and little bit away from class. Then all of a sudden during a class they don't talk to you and they are sitting with other people. This then results from less talk coming from them away from class as well.

My close friends say I'm a great person and all but it seems that those qualities that make me interesting, different, awesome whatever don't seem to be easily conveyed to other people I haven't known as long. I'm never much for words unless someone gets the ball rolling or I have known them forever. And it's always the same, it's the guy who is a little older, more sociable, and "better looking" by socity's standards that seems to be the one that's in luck.

I guess my question is, what's the best way to show your unique side to people of interest? After they've come halfway, how do I do the same?


I wonder if I should PM this to groovydruid or whichever.


You just explained my life story.


In most cases this is my life story too.



Aspie1
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 7 Mar 2005
Gender: Male
Posts: 5,707
Location: United States

08 Mar 2006, 7:47 pm

CHAOS wrote:
And it's always the same, it's the guy who is a little older, more sociable, and "better looking" by socity's standards that seems to be the one that's in luck.

I pretty much lowered my standards, so there's less competition for the girls I try to date. As a result, I won't have to worry about guys trying to steal her away, and instead focus on making the relationship enjoyable for the girl.



Drakeman
Snowy Owl
Snowy Owl

User avatar

Joined: 3 Mar 2006
Age: 32
Gender: Male
Posts: 140

08 Mar 2006, 9:28 pm

CHAOS wrote:
more sociable


And that's basically the reason right there. I've had the oppurtunity to attend 3 very different high schools, but they all have one thing in common. The most attractive girl didn't always date the most popular guy or the best looking... they dated the one they considered to have "the best personality". That's were me and you are at a major disadvantage. Since we are straddled with AS, we are undoubtably not going to have the social skills that the other guys have, and it's extremely difficult to compete with them.

So what do you do? A few things things I've observed:

- Be confident of yourself.
- Make sure you have good body movement/sign language. (Example: Give them a tap on the arm when you see them in the hallway)
- I know it's difficult for some people... but make sure you have eye contact without a doubt!
- Smile with her and be relaxed.
- If you can, try to make her laugh (I know first hand this is extremely difficult even for me, but laughter is the best thing you can get out of girl.)
- ...And, if you feeling confident, try to get her phone number or, even better, her AIM address. Things are a lot less stressful when talking to her over an electronic device, and, if you have to, you can even take a quick break ("brb") incase you get nervous talking to her.



Many people already know how to do this stuff as soon as their born, but people that have AS, as I've observed, don't do these things naturally and have to think about it subconsioiusly when trying to hook up with a girl (me included... I still have difficulty with it as well). Just try to remember these things the next time you see a new, cute girl sitting in the classroom, and, perhaps if things go your way, you might be able to get to go on a little date with her after due time 8) . I hope things work out for you man. I'm rootin' for ya!



Jetson
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 22 Feb 2005
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,220
Location: Vancouver, Canada

09 Mar 2006, 1:49 am

Aspie1 wrote:
I pretty much lowered my standards, so there's less competition for the girls I try to date. As a result, I won't have to worry about guys trying to steal her away, and instead focus on making the relationship enjoyable for the girl.

Heh. Have you ever heard the song "If you want to be happy" by Jimmy Soul? His advice is to marry an ugly girl.


_________________
What would Flying Spaghetti Monster do?


TheBladeRoden
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 10 Feb 2005
Age: 36
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,208
Location: Wisconsin

09 Mar 2006, 4:24 am

Fiz wrote:
hale_bopp wrote:
CHAOS wrote:
My social skills always kill me in a situation like this. I meet a person, or a person meets me, and they seem really interesting and interested in me. Things go ok and we talk in class and little bit away from class. Then all of a sudden during a class they don't talk to you and they are sitting with other people. This then results from less talk coming from them away from class as well.

My close friends say I'm a great person and all but it seems that those qualities that make me interesting, different, awesome whatever don't seem to be easily conveyed to other people I haven't known as long. I'm never much for words unless someone gets the ball rolling or I have known them forever. And it's always the same, it's the guy who is a little older, more sociable, and "better looking" by socity's standards that seems to be the one that's in luck.

I guess my question is, what's the best way to show your unique side to people of interest? After they've come halfway, how do I do the same?


I wonder if I should PM this to groovydruid or whichever.


You just explained my life story.


In most cases this is my life story too.


Mine too, except for the "interested in me" part.


_________________
"I reject your reality, and substitute my own" -Adam Savage


Fiz
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 29 Jan 2006
Age: 37
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,821
Location: Manchester, United Kingdom

09 Mar 2006, 6:47 pm

What gets me sometimes is that I am judged by the way I look and, while this is flattering, it is assumed by some that I have no personality because I'm attractive (Ive been told I am so I take it as read that I must be). This really gets to me because people equating attractiveness with lack of personality means that some aren't even going to be bothered to get to know me because I'm not the sort who puts her personality on plate for everyone to take a piece. I've done this in the past and got badly hurt. So instead of being treated like a person with feelings I sometimes get treated like an object and, because I'm so naive, I don't see this coming until it happens. I'm not necessarily talking sexually here, more non sexually. And then once people have got what they want from me, they move on to someone 'better' when in actual fact I don't feel that there is anything wrong with me. And, in some cases, its people who have really false personalities who appear more interesting or better as they will literally do anything to get social attention or otherwise whereas I don't, I'm just myself. I'm just glad that I have some good friends who know me for who and what I am, can see past my physical appearance and like me for it.



Drakeman
Snowy Owl
Snowy Owl

User avatar

Joined: 3 Mar 2006
Age: 32
Gender: Male
Posts: 140

09 Mar 2006, 7:39 pm

Fiz wrote:
What gets me sometimes is that I am judged by the way I look and, while this is flattering, it is assumed by some that I have no personality because I'm attractive (Ive been told I am so I take it as read that I must be). This really gets to me because people equating attractiveness with lack of personality means that some aren't even going to be bothered to get to know me because I'm not the sort who puts her personality on plate for everyone to take a piece. I've done this in the past and got badly hurt. So instead of being treated like a person with feelings I sometimes get treated like an object and, because I'm so naive, I don't see this coming until it happens. I'm not necessarily talking sexually here, more non sexually. And then once people have got what they want from me, they move on to someone 'better' when in actual fact I don't feel that there is anything wrong with me. And, in some cases, its people who have really false personalities who appear more interesting or better as they will literally do anything to get social attention or otherwise whereas I don't, I'm just myself. I'm just glad that I have some good friends who know me for who and what I am, can see past my physical appearance and like me for it.


I know exactly how you feel. I've never had a date that really felt for me before... all of them have either wanted me for an increase in social status, for me to spend thousands of dollars of them, and, in some cases, to "get into my pants". One of them even dated me, tried to get me attached to her, and then turned to another guy and said that I hurt and her and the other guy tried to beat me up (all of that for attention of course, but once again, however, my African-American friends saved me... a few come in and deal with that guy and his friends in a not-so-good way). In some cases, there have been some people I have been close to dating that could have really wanted me for who I was, but it's always fallen apart right before I can truly ask her out. Fortunately, my new private school at least puts me out of everyday danger of that nasty cycle that I had to cope with in public school, but I'm still searching for a girl that likes me for who I am and not for the aforementioned reasons above. I believe I have come close a few times, but I've never been able to get through all the way sadly...