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Grisha
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08 Feb 2010, 11:47 am

I was hoping to get some feedback to help figure out if someone likes me or not.

At this point she's pretty reserved, which I believe could mean one of two things:

1. She's not that into me. (my guess)

(or)

2. She doesn't think I'm into her (I am), so she's holding back. (I doubt it)

Here are the data points:

- She only writes infrequent and very short e-mails.

- She has given me her cellphone number (I'm too Aspie to call her of course)

- She met me for coffee, we talked for about 90 minutes.

- She made a questionable excuse and went home.

- She hugged me at the end when I told her that I had a good time.

- She wrote that she thought I was "very funny"

What could this possibly mean?

I'm trying to figure out what to do next, including moving on...



Hector
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08 Feb 2010, 11:56 am

I can't read her mind. Look for a second date.



musicboxforever
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08 Feb 2010, 11:58 am

You are reacting so like I would!! ! I would be analysing everything too.

Yeah, I agree ask her for a second date.



BetsyRath
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08 Feb 2010, 12:06 pm

She's probably just trying to sort this out, like you are.

OK. What was the questionable excuse? So - you have emailed since Saturday, but no phone conversation?


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Grisha
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08 Feb 2010, 12:16 pm

BetsyRath wrote:
She's probably just trying to sort this out, like you are.

OK. What was the questionable excuse? So - you have emailed since Saturday, but no phone conversation?


Questionable excuse: She put enough coins in the parking meter for 1 hour and it was expired and she didn't have more change, I asked her if she wanted to go "somewhere" but she said she had to go "let the cleaning lady out".

Not too encouraging if you ask me.

I've asked her out for dinner, she hasn't responded yet but that's not unusual so I can't draw any conclusions yet.

Yes, I know these analytics are lame, but what else can I do? I can't read body language and I don't "get" hints...



BetsyRath
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08 Feb 2010, 12:27 pm

Grisha wrote:
BetsyRath wrote:
She's probably just trying to sort this out, like you are.

OK. What was the questionable excuse? So - you have emailed since Saturday, but no phone conversation?


Questionable excuse: She put enough coins in the parking meter for 1 hour and it was expired and she didn't have more change, I asked her if she wanted to go "somewhere" but she said she had to go "let the cleaning lady out".

Not too encouraging if you ask me.

I've asked her out for dinner, she hasn't responded yet but that's not unusual so I can't draw any conclusions yet.

Yes, I know these analytics are lame, but what else can I do? I can't read body language and I don't "get" hints...


OK. I thought you were being hard on yourself but that does seem a lame excuse. Nevertheless, it could be true or covering for another (private) excuse she didn't want to mention. It does sound like you might get a second date - - good luck!


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Grisha
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08 Feb 2010, 12:33 pm

BetsyRath wrote:
Grisha wrote:
BetsyRath wrote:
I thought you were being hard on yourself but that does seem a lame excuse.


It certainly was original though!

Also, at the very end she did mention that I hade her cell number and that I should call her. She does more cell phone than she does Internet.



Hector
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08 Feb 2010, 12:44 pm

You should get over the apparent fear of using the telephone. It's really a necessary step.



BetsyRath
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08 Feb 2010, 12:55 pm

Hector wrote:
You should get over the apparent fear of using the telephone. It's really a necessary step.


I reluctantly agree with Hector. I can walk myself back to how it felt in the beginning when Mr. Rath wouldn't call me. Like he wasn't into me, like he was too busy, like our time together (especially as it grew more intimate!) wasn't important to him. I had no idea why it was like this - - he did say he found telephone calls "disconcerting" and particularly cell phones, with the momentary delay in response.

However, it's a mixed bag on the telephone calls. Often I experienced him as blunt, non-humorous, extremely formal and aloof, leaving me feeling worse when I hung up. Even now, married, I still feel more comforted and relieved to READ his thoughts, instead of hearing them. He's much better that way without the pressure.

Thing is, when it's early dating though, you do probably need to pony up and use the phone.


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Hector
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08 Feb 2010, 12:57 pm

Even if this doesn't work out, you'd be better off using the phone than e-mail in the early stages of dating women in general.



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08 Feb 2010, 1:08 pm

I think that she thinks you dont like her as you wont call her, Ive even met aspies who count not talking on the phone as rejection.

I hate the phone and wont talk on it and have lost out on relationships and friendships because of this, to me that is ok as I can not talk comfortably on the phone and I would not be able to maintain a relationship which required me to talk on the phone.

As well, Im very rubbish on the phone and have been criticized on many occasions on my poor phone manner so Im sure any date would be scared off if I did speak on the phone with them as I would sound so weird.

Im very lucky that my now boyfriend does not like the phone either and we email and text when we are not together and he is very understanding of me not likeing the phone as he does not like it himself.



Grisha
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08 Feb 2010, 2:09 pm

Hector wrote:
Even if this doesn't work out, you'd be better off using the phone than e-mail in the early stages of dating women in general.


Yikes - does this mean I have to get a mobile phone?

I HATE those things!



Grisha
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08 Feb 2010, 3:06 pm

UPDATE

I got my answer, she just sent me a "Dear John" e-mail, to which I politely gave her my compliments and wished her good luck.

Sigh...



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08 Feb 2010, 10:03 pm

Oh well at least you tried and got a first date. All you can do is jump back into the ring and try again.


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Grisha
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09 Feb 2010, 8:20 am

Metal_Man wrote:
Oh well at least you tried and got a first date. All you can do is jump back into the ring and try again.


You're right of course, I really feel like I accomplished a lot even though I struck out.

It's so easy to fall into self pity/giving up, especially in the face of perceived constant rejection - I have to keep trying.

Still, what I wouldn't give for a little dumb luck right now...



BetsyRath
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09 Feb 2010, 10:29 am

Grisha wrote:
Metal_Man wrote:
Oh well at least you tried and got a first date. All you can do is jump back into the ring and try again.


You're right of course, I really feel like I accomplished a lot even though I struck out.

It's so easy to fall into self pity/giving up, especially in the face of perceived constant rejection - I have to keep trying.

Still, what I wouldn't give for a little dumb luck right now...

I agree - good for you and get back out there again. Didn't you go through a divorce also? I apologize if I'm misremembering, but -- if you did, that's a double score for you. Because it's can be really hard to re-learn this stuff after a divorce.


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