Is dating really hard?

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Hi

Is dating hard for aspies? I am conserding joining one of those dating sites now that i am 18. If it hard how is it hard?

It can be hard because of the social interaction, and if you're dating you need to keep good constant social interaction to this person for a long time. For me, I'm much better at being a good cuddle buddy than a good boyfriend, but I try.

great question. well if your socially ret*d like most aspies are expect to get your heart broken. but maybe you'll get lucky, some of us do but most dont

I think dating is hard for everybody. Particularly Aspies.

I never went on dates. I met boyfriends through doing things together (working, etc). Friends first.

Dating is kind of like bidding for something on eBay. As the auction gets closer and closer to ending, you get more and more nervous, wondering if you'll win or lose. So you keep constant watch in the last few minutes, increasing your bid $1.00 here, $1.00 there till it's over. But there's no need to do that if you simply decide, from the get go, how much this thing is worth to you, and bid that at the beginning. If the bid goes over, then it's over, cause bidding any more is cheating yourself.

The same goes with dating. If you want your date to blossom into a long term relationship, then you should feel free to (I normally hate this term, but here it is) be yourself. If you hate fancy restaurants, then don't go to one. If your favorite topic of conversation is the social significance of Japanese manga on adolescents, then don't shy away from it. I'm not saying to be a selfish prick and reject anyone who doesn't like exactly what you like, but the further you travel from your 'comfort zone' of behavior to try and impress a girl, the more you cheat yourself in the long run.

In short, any date either will or will not succeed at the end of the night. So enjoy yourself and have fun on it. It's not an interview, after all.

Why can't more women be like you? I've ended up with plenty of female friends over the years, but nothing in terms of having an actual girlfriend...

Dating sucks, but you have to do it to some degree. Even if you never go on formal dates, no matter what you'll still have to get close enough to the girl (normally via talking to them in public places) to not creep her out when you ask for that alone-time that is required for any relationship to develop.

Keep trying, don't get discouraged. Look at "dating" as getting to know the REAL girl underneath the social façade, eventually making a determination of whether or not SHE is the kind of person that YOU would like to spend more time with. Too often do we get attached to girls we've barely had any time with at all...

Blind dates are more likely to fail if she doesn't know about your AS beforehand.

Try to know her through a different context first (lab partnering, coworking, nearly anything) then maybe things'll happen better.

Dating is easy after a bit of practice, and by using a dating site you've bypassed the hardest task of all. Asking a girl out for a date is about as easy as working out SQRT(PI) in Roman numerals. Many years ago I went the same route as you and by the end I was having a great time.

1) Accept the fact that your 'success' rate will be low, especially for the first few months.

2) Don't go into this thinking that you will find that special person who will make your life complete. If you do find him/her then GREAT but consider things like dating sites as practice for the real relationships that will come along eventually.

3) Practice means that you will be doing the same thing until you get it right. If you constantly experience failure then take a long hard look at what you're doing, modify your behavior, then try again. Learn from your mistakes.

4) Keep records, just a diary will be fine.

Finally, the biggie.

5) The way you find that special person is to have as many relationships as possible. You need experience. That way when the special person does come along you'll recognize this and you'll know exactly what to do.

Now, go out and have fun.

Vanilla Slice

I've never been on a date. at least not that I knew of

there are other ways to get to know people. I'll tell you when I figure out what they are

No never exactly dated. my last boyfrend i met on holiday and the guy before that, i met through a 'friend'. I have tried online sites.. I even met a guy of one of them last week and he was quite nice! But yes i would say dating is hard... it is hard enough to make friends so you know!! !
xxxxxxxxxx

I would agree that dating is hard. I met my current girlfriend at work after we had been friends for a long time. We have been going out for three months now. I would say that while dating is hard and you will have a lot of anxiety and a lot of rejections it is worth it when you find the right person who will accept you for who you are.

Everyone gets their heart broken. This isn't specific to being an Aspie.

Dating is extremely hard and totally easy if you're bi-polar. Sometimes I can go out and be super goofy/charming and meet lots of girls. Sometimes I never leave the apartment and when I do, I brood in a corner and can't get a girl to give me the time of day.

Either way, good luck. You'll need it.

Yeah, like talking to them on an internet forum

PS: that's the first time i've used the smiley...

I guess the best advice I have to offer is to know ahead of time that you will most likely fail multiple times until you find the right girl for you. Keep your head up, learn from your mistakes, and try again.

Also, that person sometimes shows up when/where you least expect it.