Dating Aspies: Mood Swings, Impulsive Behavior

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I've posted before about the difference between being NT and psychologically healthy (the idea being that the two absolutely don't go hand-in-hand).

I've been thinking about being Aspie, and the impact it may have on psychological health. Please understand that I'm not trying to label or insult anyone - I'm just trying to further my understanding of Asperger's. Until I came across the link below, I didn't know there was any link between Asperger's and psychological disorders.

If you identify as Aspie, I'd appreaciate your input on the subject of mood swings and impulsive behavior. Do you believe you experience mood swings and/or impulsive behavior? If you have, were you and your partner able to deal with it successfully - and how? Were you treated with medication? Did you find medication helped? Did you try therapy or any other approach to heighten awareness/management (yours and your partner's) of these types of behaviors when they occur? Did you experience any type of strong reaction (negative or positive) to the suggestion that you might suffer from mood swings and/or demonstrate impulsive behavior? Any input would be greatly appreciated.

(Also, in the interest of full disclosure, I'm NT and I've been successfully treated medically and therapeutically for a diagnosed mood disorder. I think of most mental illnesses the same way I think of Asperger's....just a difference in the way a person's brain functions - no value judgment implied. You're free to disagree, but that's my perspective.)

http://www.nas.org.uk/nas/jsp/polopoly.jsp?d=128&a=3346

I have suffered from depression for many years, caused by a ton of failures and from a general lack of understanding from people around me. Also loneliness is a big factor. So yeah, I experience a lot of mood swings, though mostly ranging from very depressed to mildly depressed with a rare peak of happieness. I take anti-depressants every day.

I think one of the problems in the one long-term relationship I've had, was actually my lack of impulsive behavior. I practically never act impulsively, and neither does any of the other aspies I know (I work for an IT-company where 12 of the 17 or 18 employees have an Asperger's diagnosis).

@Maialideth - Thanks for your response. I've spent most of my career in IT, and I'm convinced I've worked with quite a few Aspies (probably not in terms of the percentages you do, though). I'm wondering if you've tried therapy, or medication adjustments (to help keep you out of the "very depressed" zone)? You probably know this, but sometimes you have to try a few different medications (or "cocktails") until you find one that works for you.

I wanted to clarify something: when you talk about having a "lack of impulsive behavior," are you talking about spontaneity? When I wrote about impulsive behavior, I was thinking a bit more in terms of making major decisions very quickly (I guess what could be referred to as making "rash" decisions). Again, thanks for your help.

Depression and anxiety are both quite common in people with Asperger's syndrome. Impulsivity may be less so.

It is most likely you have worked with aspies in IT, it is such an obvious career choice for us. That's why the company I work for only hires people with an AS or similar high-functioning autism diagnosis.

I see a psychiatrist regularly (once a month or once every two months depending on how busy he is and how well I'm doing) to make sure my medication cocktail works for me. I'm on a fairly heavy cocktail now, but it's the one that's been working best (I've tried so many different types and dosages).

I probably did misunderstand your meaning of "impulsive behavior" but that doesn't really change anything, in fact it probably makes it even more valid. I may on rare occasions react on impulse (like buying something without thinking too much about it, just as an example), but I have never taken a major decision without thoroughly thinking about each and every option and consequence of that decision, based on the information I have at the time regarding that decision. I would probably rather say that I tend to think too much about major decisions (even minor ones as well). I approach pretty much every decision as if it has a major impact on my life.

So no, I don't make rash decisions... ever. I may make uninformed decisions, but they are always based on the most optimal situation I can think of with the knowledge I have at the time of making the decision. I have learned to trust my instinct more, but I don't think I could ever make a rash decision, it's too irresponsible for me to accept.

Two relevant areas of impulsive behaviour I'm familiar with. One type happens when a meltdown occurs and then reactivity to the situation follows. Tantrums and so on. Under stress, the first solution is taken. Another is being unable to research choices due to lack of connections in the world and then, yes, having to make SOME choice, which turns out to look impulsive in hindsight, as it is not grounded in research.

@Maialideth: Glad you've been working on getting the cocktail right.....there's often a lot of trial and error involved, which can be frustrating and debilitating. I've never heard of a firm that has a hiring policy quite like your company's....seems like a very interesting approach.

@Ladarzak - thank you so much! You've helped me understand something I didn't get before. I know this is probably an extremely ignorant question but here goes: if an NT was exhibiting the type of impulsive behavior you described (having a tantrum as a reaction to stress) I'd suggest working with a therapist to develop some coping skills to deal with the stress in a healthier way. Is there any reason that approach wouldn't work for an Aspie? Thanks for your help.

@HopeGrows There are two such companies here in Denmark with this sort of hiring policy. One is called Specialisterne (Danish for The Specialists) and the other is called BOAS Specialister, I work for the latter. The office I work at used to be a part of Specialisterne, but was purchased last year by a bigger company.

I agree with @Ladarzak, I forgot about the meltdowns... but that's probably because my usual reaction when I experience one around other people is to just get away as fast as possible without running over someone. What I do to calm down when having a meltdown, is using a ball blanket (or weighted blanket).

There is nothing wrong with getting a therapist's help in coping with these things, in fact it is probably the best way to do it. However, the lack of qualified therapists in this field of expertise as well as lack of support from the local authorities (usually based on ignorance and rules/laws that are impossible to fit with the needs of people with autism/asperger's), makes it very difficult to actually make it happen.

This is my own personal opinion, based on my experiences with the local authorities as well as working with a therapist.

@Maiaideth....Thanks so much for your help with this topic (and for the information on your work situation - again, very interesting). If it's not too personal, can I ask if you're aware that a meltdown is impending? And are there typical things that can trigger a meltdown, like stress....or does it have more to do with fatigue or unhappiness or something? Or maybe a combination of internal and external stimuli? Please don't feel obligated to share anything too personal, and thanks again.

@HopeGrows, yeah I'm pretty much having one now. (reason for this meltdown is complicated). The most normal cause of a meltdown to me is if I'm around a lot of people for a long time, either out shopping or at social gatherings. Stress is also a common trigger. I was once told that aspies don't handle stress the same way most other people do... we put our stress situations in a box and stack the boxes on top of eachother, which means we're not able to get rid of those stress factors at the bottom. Thus it all piles up and it takes less and less to reach the stress limit because there is no more room for new stress factors. Until such time when we constantly operate above the stress limit, which then most likely will cause a major meltdown.

I definately have mood swings sometimes. Generally if something is planned or I think it's very likely to happen and it then doesn't that can upset me quite a bit, especially if it's something I'm looking forward to. These days I'm better at controlling it most of the time, but sometimes if lots of little things happen to disappoint me or cause stress in a short space of time I will just end up snapping over what looks like something minor.

Impulsive behaviour over big decisions only happens if I just stall in the face of the decision and put it off until I absolutely have to make it, then still not really having any idea I'll just pick one. It doesn't always end well.

@Maialideth...I'm sorry about the stress (and the resulting meltdown). This is going to sound a little simplistic, but can you meditate, or exercise, or.....try other stress-relieving strategies?

@Gremmie...Thanks so much for your input. When plans don't work out (and you become upset) - do you think that's about flexibility (or inflexbility)? Or is it just straight-up disappointment that's hard to deal with? Or is it the energy (mental, physical, emotional) that it takes to adjust to the change? (Don't want to ask anything too personal, so if I have, please forgive me.)

I have slight mood swings, mainly feeling low after a good time with friends (some kind of "what goes up must come down" thing). Untreated, as they aren't too severe. I get upset when I don't know what's happening (fortunately for me, I can usually "wing it" if I know what's going on, even if the plan's changed), but that isn't really a mood swing.

As for impulsive behaviour, aside from rituals, nope, not really. Although, if I want to do something, I'll (within reason) just go ahead and do it, regardless of how I look whilst doing it (e.g. I'm nearly 18 and I went to see Princess and the Frog because it caught my eye). But that's probably a learned behaviour to deal with feeling ostracized. When stuck I'll pick arbitrarily, but that's about it.

@HopeGrows I play a lot of video games, that helps take the stress off, and when I have the basic stuff in my life back on stable ground, I'll start up a roleplaying games group (mainly Dungeons & Dragons) because that is a great stress-reliever as well.

@Sparx139 - Thanks for your input. I really liked "Princess and the Frog" - I hope you enjoyed it, too.

@Maialideth - Saw Claire Danes on Letterman tonight....she was promoting "Temple Grandin" and she mentioned Temple's need for "deep touch" to help calm her. It struck me as the same concept behind the "weighted blanket" approach you mentioned. Very interesting. Thanks again.

you can see the ball blanket I mentioned here, Protac, under products. It is sooo good, like diving down into a big box of those plastic balls they have in the kids' section of McDonalds and such places.
I've heard of people using weighted clothes as well, though I haven't tried that yet.