Dating Agency: The black thing.

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I have tried my luck with a dating agency smooch.com. The good news is getting a response is a lot easier then expected. A few woman took the initiative and texted me first, I have a date with one. However, there is a down side with these woman. They almost always show a special interest in black people. If it isn’t liking very cool black actors, it is liking Ragga music, if not explicitly preferring black men. The lady I was supposed to be going out with next week has two children from a Jamaican man. I just felt Jamaica why Jamaica, Jamaica doesn’t even account for 0.1 percent of the world population, it is hard enough having Aspergers also. I have a feeling that the geek girls are polar opposite and as a result do not prefer me.

What is the race of the women with the interest in black men? All women? Or just women of certain races?

I wouldn't spend so much time worrying about that. You can get to know these women personally and be a better judge of what you think of them. And what if they do typically prefer black men? All the better for you, surely.

A very large number of white women have a special kind of 'fetish' for black guys.

I can relate, Aspie_Chav! It is not desirable, to have women wanting to date you just for your skin color. It is the worst kind of exploitation, IMO. Of course I have only the woman's point of view, but I have never found it to be in my best interest to date someone of another culture, who is madly in love with a stereotype. Past experience made this a recipe for disaster. Inevitably, the person dating me would end up disappointed because I didn't live up to their fantasy of what kind of person they thought that my skin color would make me. Of course, that being said, keep your options open. I would just suggest that you proceed with caution!

I think it depends on do you feel comfortable being liked or not liked for that reason. I think there's a difference between being open minded and dating different races and being interested in someone because of that. So it is something to maybe consider.

But why would it entail that? Maybe they just prefer men with a certain skin colour, just like some people prefer men with a certain hair colour.

Hair color as opposed to skin color is indeed a whole other concept! I am not saying that it is necessarily a bad thing, to date outside your culture. I am a product of bi-racial parents, have had men wanting to date me only because of that. If they had stuck around and appreciated my other attributes, such a personality, hobbies, etc. I wouldn't have felt so disappointed and hurt. Sure, it was flattering at first to have people say that they loved my skin color, (which is a sort of golden brown.) But they would lose interest quickly, when my nerdy qualities became apparent. It really would hurt. Of course I am speaking about my own personal experience. Aspie_Chav might have a good chance of meeting someone really worthwhile. I commend him for trying a dating service.

I'm thinking that it's one thing to be dated (or not) based on skin color, in the case where that person is attracted to the associations regarding that color/ethnicity. Witch I can see could be harmful. And another if that person is just plainly more physically attracted to that color.

Just as I wouldn't like it if someone tried to date me on the assumption that redheads are wild in bed. But I am fine with them just plain liking or even preferring redheads...

That's exactly what I meant! You stated that so clearly, Yasmine.

OP, just because a woman is attracted to men of a certain race doesn't mean she's got a fetish, or she's objectifying you. I live in a very diverse community (we're actually well known for our diversity), and I have many, many friends who are in inter-racial marriages and relationships. One of my white female friends dated black men fairly consistently, and eventually married a black man. They have two children and are extremely happy.

I don't discount Hartzofspace's perspective, either - that people can/do date outside of their race as as type of fetish or curiosity (and that's usually not the best reason to date someone). But just because a person is attracted to a certain type of man doesn't mean it's a fetish, or even a bad thing. After all....you wouldn't want to date someone who wasn't attracted to you, right?

I don't mind about someone having a fetish with me. At least that would be better then the void of loneliness. But these types of attraction are based an image polar opposite to who I am in almost every way, it is completely different from a geek fetish.

Chav, a person liking a general trait that you have is simply a means to opening a door. Eventually, every person you come across is going to examine you and be examined by you to figure out whether a deeper connection can be established and built upon. Don't try to judge anyone's intentions before they're made clear to you. Give a few ladies a try and see what happens. If it's bound not to work, you'll know it soon enough.

OP, I guess your concern is that these ladies are not just attracted to a certain type of man physically, but that they expect you to behave in some kind of iconic way that is not who you are? If that's the case, I understand your concern. I guess the best you can do is to be sure your profile accurately describes you, and hope that the ladies who express an interest in you are doing so based on your whole profile, and not just your pic. And try to keep an open mind, cause you never know....obviously, things didn't work out between the lady in question and the Jamaican, so maybe she truly is looking for someone very different? (But I'm not sure how you're interpreting her former involvement with a Jamaican, just assuming that you consider yourself very different than Jamaicans?) Good luck.

Personally I would be up front about these concerns; I don't think you can skim round the issue and hope they get it.. Just say it a decent but firm way.

Something like: "I am my own person, my race or culture is only one aspect of me. I don't conform to the stereotypes"

plantation daughter syndrome. a white girl sees a black guy as exotic and forbidden