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Joined: 24 Feb 2010
Age: 41
Gender: Female
Posts: 107

17 Mar 2010, 1:31 pm

A guy and I were involved, and though he was constantly expressing reluctance to participate in physical contact with me (hugs and hand-holding was okay, he said he wasn't ready for cuddling and kissing), he quickly seemed to change his mind and kiss me. Now, however, he says the emotions involved with kissing are too overwhelming and frightening, but he was always the one to initiate it previously, and didn't seem to have any problem with it back then. He even said on multiple occasions that he "loved kissing me."

I have been perfectly ready and willing to let things go along at his pace, and can easily understand a person wanting to take things slowly (which to me usually means maintaining things at the current level, and suspending any further advancement temporarily). But I'm having a really difficult time understanding the whole back-tracking thing... If someone is comfortable enough with a person to engage in certain intimacies, then unless something has changed (either in the relationship, or learning something new about the person that is somewhat of a turn-off), I can't imagine why that comfort level would deteriorate.

In a similar circumstance with any other guy, I would have to assume that something was wrong, but that they just didn't want to tell me. But I trust this guy, and believe him when he says he will inform me of any concerns/issues he might have. Has anyone ever responded similarly to him (in terms of suddenly finding themselves uncomfortable with things that used to be okay) in a developing relationship? I would love to have some objective light shed on this... I'm just having a difficult time understanding it myself, and feel very much in the dark here. :hmph:

Last edited by Side_Kick on 23 Mar 2010, 7:47 pm, edited 2 times in total.

HopeGrows
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17 Mar 2010, 2:22 pm

Is this the guy who broke up with you recently? If you're reconciled now, perhaps that could be the source of the back-tracking....that he's readjusting to the relationship again?

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MichelleRM78
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Joined: 1 Mar 2010
Age: 47
Gender: Female
Posts: 303
Location: Wisconsin

17 Mar 2010, 2:27 pm

Maybe he is starting to feel much more after a period of time with the kissing and intimacy. Maybe he really doesn't know how to handle these new feelings, and backing off on the intimacy seems the logical thing to do in his eyes. By him saying that the feelings from kissing are overwhelming and frightening but he was OK with them before, I would guess that he has new feelings that are being created from this intimacy.

Side_Kick
Raven
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Joined: 24 Feb 2010
Age: 41
Gender: Female
Posts: 107

17 Mar 2010, 4:13 pm

HopeGrows wrote:

Is this the guy who broke up with you recently? If you're reconciled now, perhaps that could be the source of the back-tracking....that he's readjusting to the relationship again?

We never actually "broke up"... I just didn't think things were working out, since he was putting so much distance between us, and (as you had mentioned in the other post of mine) he had expressed his reluctance to commit, etc... I later decided to continue to give things a chance (seeing as how much I care for him), and then this new situation (retreat from physical closeness) developed. (Decision-making is something I often struggle with... Need to work on that...)

MichelleRM78 wrote:

This seems like a relatively likely explanation... He has tried to explain his current stance on things to me, but he's definitely having trouble expressing it. Though if you're correct in your suggestion, I suppose that close intimate discussion could easily be just as overwhelming/frightening for him as the kissing/cuddling...