Dancing at events

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Hey everyone
I was wondering if any of you could help with this dilema I have. I was convinced by my friends to go to a university 'ball' this weekend where there were about 60 people. Normally this kind of thing would be right out - crowds and loud noises aren't my thing - but I finally caved in because it was one of my housemate's birthday and I felt I ought to go.

It turned out to be much better than I thought, which separate table of only 7 people I actually felt confortable enough to talk to people and have a good time.
The tricky part came later in the evening when music started along with dancing. Now, I have a VERY firm no dancing policy unless I've got my own space, it's dark and I've had a few drinks. The issue tearing at me is that I was asked to dance by one of the girls I was sat with (I mean, even I know that when someone grabs your tie in one hand and does a 'come here' finger bend with the other then it's probably a good idea to follow. . . .) and I paused for just a second since my chair was a bit stuck.
This gave someone else the chance to lunge in and he took her hand and they danced for about 30 seconds before she left the dancefloor.

Now, I can pretty much work out by myself that I should have been more assertive, Gone over to her and taken her back but the thing is I can't STAND to dance at things like this!

Does anyone have any tips on how to dance in a dinner suit? I just feel awkward and my arms and legs hang there. It's like I'm just shuffling around on the spot

Thanks in advance

af_1

That is over assertive for that one time situation, it would not have gone down well. Dancing doesn't nessisarily mean she is into you, especially in that group context. If you had wanted to dance with her, then take the opportunity. Otherwise you could of asked another to dance at this point. Even if they don't want to they are in the same boat as you and you can talk to them.

True. From a guy perspective, at least, dancing and invitations don't really mean anything. They're 'throwaways,' less meaningful than any flirting... You can do it and have fun, but even if you've been gettin nasty like it was a crowded hip hop club, when the song is done, tons of girls are like, "Peace!" and you don't see em again, through no fault of your own.

As for dancing itself, I do it quite a lot, and am pretty comfortable dancing alone, but heaven help me if it's actually dancing with someone heh. I used to go to quite a lot of clubs till somewhat recently, raves when I was a little younger, bout once every 2 weeks, so I'm pretty accustomed to the culture and what goes on.
In my own crazy head, there's 2 rules for competent casual dancing:
1) Don't care too much....
2) ....But don't go TOO far.

Meaning, as much as you can make yourself do it, let go, loosen up and simply move. Believe it or not, it's quite difficult to look stupid.... Unless you go way overboard and start busting out the psychedelic hippy moves that cram into everyone else's space(it's a very limited commodity on the dancefloor, after all).
(......Burning Man excepted)

The funny thing about clubs is that for the most part, it's about simply blending in, and that's pretty easy to do. So long as you look like you're enjoying yourself, and don't look too physically stiff, then you're effectively a good dancer.

...Really, women just don't expect much from us, for dancing. On the rare occasion I guess they run into a truly skilled guy dancer to whisk them off their feet, but that's so rare... I don't know why women even bother. Their lady friends are usually far better than us on that account.
But really, all the rest of us average guys, it's not hard to at least meet minimum expectations. The big part is just a willingness to take a quick breath, exhale deep, and then lay it all out without freaking out, and hopefully have a good time. That's our test; Not whether or not our shoes set the floor on fire.

I consider myself a somewhat good dancer, in-so-far as that I enjoy myself, and am loose, and calm. My moves aren't complicated... Heck it's just a combination of shrugs, to be honest. Knees, abdomen, shoulders, elbows. Move right, move left, on the beat, and that's that. Insta-blend, it's comfortable, doesn't look bad, it's physically easy. From that angle, it's not such a big deal.

...So that's my perspective, anyways...

I don't know jack about formal stuff though..... Slow dances? zomg. Uncomfortable.

@ Sound
thanks for that advice. I know that in a club where there are a couple of hundred people (well, at least where I live) and I've had a few drinks then cutting loose is the way to get into it. I've done it a few times before and it didn't go too badly, but after about 2 hours I'd had enough and so left.
Regarding formal stuff, I know about slow dancing (I had a girlfriend about 3 years ago who insisted on dancing at home and I can probably say that forcing me to do that led to at least one positive thing - I can slow dance)

The problem arises when I am expected to dance in public in a not crowded place where the lights are quite high. This makes me feel very self conscious. I mean, I guess that most people aren't looking at me, but I can't help shaking the feeling. This weekend there were only 60 or so people for an entire dancefloor with room for probably 100 - leaving lots of room round the sides. . . .

I've contacted the girl in question and we've had a bit of a chat, so we'll just have to see where it goes

Thanks for the help
af_1

In such a setting, appearing to be game to dance is more important than dancing well. Dancing well (which you would need lessons for) is a bonus, appearing willing to do such a fun social activity that many men have trouble with is more like a requirement for many people.

That said, supposedly you can slow-dance in time, which is better than me. While I'm hardly much of a dancer in general, I'm absolutely hopeless at dancing while holding on to other people. It's the one place where doing it wrong may actually be off-putting in this setting. So I think you can take some courage from what you have.

LOL yeah, there's no fixing that... Really, people who can manage to get up in front of others and do that deserve some respect. They've got balls for sure. I sure as heck avoid it, even if I can cut loose comfortably in theory. In practice, if I'm just about alone? Yeah right.

Hector & I seem to be in agreement, though - In just about any dancing, the most important part by far is simply being game to do it, and not the performance itself.

anything more complex than slow-dancing and i suddenly can't dance to save my life and end up looking silly.

so i'm afraid i've not much to offer on this subject...

Speaking as both a woman and an avid dancer - YES. A guy being willing give it a go counts for 100 times more than the actual dancing. And if he does look silly, but still gets out there and seems like he's having fun...be still my heart, because then he's proving that he's comfy enough in his own skin to not care how people think he looks when he's dancing. That be courage. And courage be sexy.