Angered and despairing at the beauty I can never attain...

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Does anyone else feel this way? Like anyone you find attractive is therefore hopelessly out of your league?

There have been several women I've known, been attracted to, thought would have been worth knowing better, yet always they were out of my reach. Married or dating, or simply not interested. One even was dating a married man. I, an available person, wasn't good enough; she had to have someone who already had someone.

Another I knew was such a stunning person; amazing eyes that revealed an incredible soul that I would have loved to have known and loved. Yet, she was already married goddammit.

It drives me nuts! It feels like everyone is chosen already, and those who haven't won't have anything to do with me; they can find someone taller, more attractive, more successful financially.

It makes me angry, at the guys who're lucky enough to get such wonderful partners, at women who find me undesirable and invalid as a lover, and at myself for being an ugly, unappealing, unlovable person. I feel like I lack in all the aspects that matter to a partner, and all my strengths and positives aren't worth a damn to anyone. So where I'm then? An un-person?

I sometimes wish I had full blown autism, so I wouldn't have to know what I'm missing, wouldn't be daily tortured by beauty all around me that I completely lack, and can never attain. I sometimes lust for mental oblivion.

I know what you mean. For me, I personally find attractive women to be superior persons than me, and feel that if I pursue them it is not right because there better than me. It makes me feel really bad, because I know they'll find my ugly, annoying etc. so I don't want to hurt myself by trying anyways.

Yeah, I feel that. The feeling that, on the one hand, you have something incredible to offer another person, but at the same time feeling that what you have to offer isn't wanted or deemed worthy by anyone, and so, you really have nothing to offer. I so want to be part of someone's life, and have known people that would be so wonderful to be in love with, but they don't want you, or have already found someone, and that someone is better than you. There was one girl I briefly pursued, but she wouldn't even give me a shot. I was that unappealing from the get go. And within a year she was married and everything. She knew I wasn't worthy of her, and she was right, and she's happily married, and I've got no one.

Sometimes at night, I'll offer up my soul for a woman I can love, and who will love me. But no takers, alas! If there is such a thing as a soul, mines evidently not worth the exchange!

I am no expert in such matters, but I'm pretty sure that EVERYONE seeking a relationship has to deal with these things, not just those with autism or other struggles, but even the most social people. There will always be people that you can't have-- because they're not interested in you, because it's not the right time, because they already belong to someone else.

It does you no good to keep longing for people you can't have. It would be completely destructive to a relationship for one of the people to always be looking at every person that catches their eye, wondering "What if..."

I think that's one reason why inner beauty is ultimately more of a treasure than outer beauty. You mentioned an attractive woman who was dating a married man. I think that's a pretty clear path to heartbreak for everyone involved. Faithfulness is much more beautiful a quality to look for in a person.

So my advice would be to take heart, because the things you are struggling with are not weird or out of the ordinary. Don't dwell on people that you can't have-- wait for a person who will be faithful.

I guess I get really anxious, when I see all my friends getting married, having kids, buying a house, and enjoying all the trappings of a normal life. At least, many of them have stable relationships, and all with women that are great and attractive. And yet I'm alone, despite all the trying and the efforts I've made. I do one thing, and it doesn't work, so I try to learn, and act differently with the same results. I try to learn and improve, and yet I've still gotten nowhere. It doesn't help that I live at home, and since I work as a filmmaker, and I'm young yet, the money isn't good, so I don't have a lot to offer a companion.

Yet, I see others who get great girls, in situation like mine, and I wonder what is different about me? What's the variable? More and more, I wonder if the variable is ME, and therefore, the experiment is doomed to failure. I worry that if it goes too long, I'll just become increasingly more undesirable, as I age, as people wonder if I'm really worth loving, since I've had no one before, and therefore, there is something wrong or bad about me.

As bicentennialman said; most people go through that at some point. You want someone: that person is either unavailable, uninterested or in other ways unachievable.

However I must say that you don't seem to clear on what you're actually looking for in a woman.
All I hear is "great and beautiful". What do you want? Are you rejecting women in the same way they are rejecting you?
I don't know how many women have or haven't been interested in you, but when you enter a room, do you reject some women from a distance because: you can find someone taller, more attractive, more successful financially ?

Also I know it's cliché, but you must learn to love yourself a lot more. At the moment you sound desperate, and no woman wants to be with someone feeling that you're only with her, because she was the only one interested.

Good luck with your love life. Be patient.

This is very much a waste of time, try and direct your anger into something constructive like a hobby or sports/martial arts, etc.

Bitterness and resentment is something people pick up on subconsciously. Those people you hate are only doing what they do naturally.

I'm looking for someone to talk to, who I can call to tell about my day, and who'll call me to tell me about hers. Someone I can ask, "Hey, wanna grab a movie after work," or "Wanna grab dinner," or just go for a walk. Someone who will WANT me. Someone who has goals, ambitions, hobbies, who I can support, and who can support me. Someone to enjoy life with, even for a short while before they want to move on.

Frankly, I'd give anything to have a failed relationship. Because at least, it'll have meant I had a relationship to begin with.

In my daily life, I try not to judge on appearances alone, as much as my libido wants me to. Certainly, I'm attracted to physical beauty, but mental, emotional and spiritual beauty easy trump the physical for me. I've known physically attractive people who become ugly to me as I know them (I don't know her, but Britney Spears is a prime example for me of this...her utter stupidity and vapidity negates for me her physical beauty). Conversely, I've known people who weren't classical beauties, but as I grew to know them, they become more attractive as a whole package.

What gets disheartening is, I've never gotten the sense that any woman felt the same thing about me, that I was physically beautiful, or inwardly beautiful. Those who know me seem as uninterested as those who don't, which makes me wonder, fear that there is something fundamentally wrong with me, or that the positive I do have to offer are worth nothing to them. Never been called on the phone, never had an expression of affection or attraction.

How can I not feel desperate? How can I move forward, if my desperation repels women, and because I repel women, I become more desperate? Just a little success would mean everything...

Is it possible there might be a girl or two who'd love to hook up with you, but you're overlooking them because they're not high up enough on your own 'attractiveness' scale? I'm not accusing, just wondering if somebody quite nice might go undetected while you're pining over the unattainable.




There was a girl I knew in High school I felt that way about. Always as unattainable to me as if she'd literally been an angel. Ran across her on FaceBook a few months back. She's every bit as sweet and charming as I remembered. Unfortunately, she's also an empty-headed git. Funny the things we can miss when we have stars in our eyes.

I totally understand how you feel. I wanted to be married, own a house and have my first child by the time I was 30. I wasn't even close to that by then. You are very young and you have a lot of time. 25 isn't as old as you may feel it is. You are just starting life. Be patient.

What you need to do first is to stop rating people as better than you. Nobody is better than you. Incompatible maybe, but not "better". You need to stop that!! !!

You also need to be proud of what you have to offer. If you think what you have is valuable, then someone else will too. You need to find someone looking for what you have, and vice versa. Don't try to act different to get a date. You will eventually have to be yourself anyway, better to be yourself and have one date than NOT be yourself and end up in a painful breakup.

Forget about looks if that is what you mean by attractive. They have to be attractive to you, but lower your standards if your looking for someone good looking. I know a lot of good looking women not worth the dirt they walk on but yet feel they are entitled to the best of everything. People like that are NEVER happy.

Also, don't think that just because people seem happy they are...you don't know what goes on behind closed doors. There may be people looking at you and thinking that you did it right by being alone and not having to deal with marriage and children. It's not easy being married. It's fullfilling, but really, really hard. The grass isn't always greener. Be comfortable with yourself and your situation. You will find someone when you stop worrying about it. It sounds cliche, but that's exactly what happened to me. I was like that at 25 and I couldn't find anyone. Once I was more confident and happy being alone, someone came into my life and here I am. You find someone you can really bond with because your motivation is less needy.

Good Luck! I'm sure you are a wonderful person with a lot to offer. Keep telling yourself that, stop worrying and let it happen when the time is right.

I think you're taking these rejections too personally. You have to remember that there's another person involved in these interpersonal transactions, and that other person has a whole life you know very little about. That life is just as complicated as your own.

For example, the woman who was involved with the married man. Your take on the situation, "I, an available person, wasn't good enough; she had to have someone who already had someone," is completely subjective, and full of assumptions. You don't know that she believed you to be unworthy, or that she had to have someone who was already taken. The reality is that she was already involved with someone when you approached her. It doesn't really matter whether that person was truly available or not - she's the one that wasn't available. All you can know with any certainty about her decision to decline your offer is that she wasn't available when you inquired.

Ditto on the married woman. She didn't reject you - life hasn't rejected you because you found a married woman attractive. Most of us do that many, many times in our lifetimes. The trick is to stop becoming emotionally invested in that person when you see the ring on her finger. That way, you'll spare yourself the kind of profound disappointment you seem to be experiencing.

You really can't allow your relationship status to determine your worth. You have value. But if you feel like you have no value if you're not in a relationship, then you're going to be wasting a lot of time anticipating a better life, rather than working to make the life you have better.

I suggest you talk to your friends who are pairing off and settling down. Ask them for an unvarnished assessment of yourself - and then listen to what they have to say. Perhaps there are some things you could change about yourself that could improve your prospects (having never met you, I can't offer an opinion in that regard). If you're willing to make changes, and you're really not too picky about looks, I'm hopeful that you'll find a young lady who will accept your invitation. I think this is something that a lot of NT guys accomplish in a way that's not as difficult to deal with: they expect to be rejected when they ask a girl out. They really do. I know guys who have asked ten different girls out at a club in a single night. Some nights they strike out completely, other nights they'll get a number or two. But their perspective is that volume is their friend - so they ask out a lot of girls....and one will accept every once in a while. Might be worth considering.

Dude you totally need a wingman.

A married woman having affairs is called an Adulteress.
Most religions have good reason for forbidding this.
It tempts the husband to murderous rage.
It spreads STDs like AIDS and Herpes.
It makes all kinds of trouble for you.
In some cultures she is committing a death penalty offense.
Others would remove her ability to have an O.

May God have mercy on her soul.
Love makes fools of everyone.
Don't judge yourself if even evil women seem to reject you.
Stop thinking you deserve abusive women more than none at all.
Hell is for BAD people.

MUSIC "Looking for love in all the wrong places" /MUSIC (hint hint)

This is a statement of what used to be called common sense.
This is not me being a religious hypocrite.
Your low self esteem is leading you into a trap full of only greater misery.
If you are starved for human contact,
open yourself to hugs from family members,
get a massage, maybe even a "sensual" one,
and if you are a horney virgin then do the best you can with what you have,
because you have a lot more to lose than that, and you will gain nothing good
when misery loves your company. Its a dead end, like jumping into a volcano.

I feel this pain quite regularly.

As a wise person once said, women are like parking spaces, all the best ones are taken.

This may apply to men as well, am I right ladies?

If you are patient enough, the right one might come along.

Until then, it's best just to have a sense of humor about it.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eMP7n-qv-8c[/youtube]

sometimes all you can do is express the frustration. My ex was like this (attractiveness-wise). We were not compatible. She did not fulfill my needs. My attraction to her was physical. So I am conflicted about it. it's a big part of the reason I have been single for so long. She had the most flawless body I have ever seen and probably will ever see. Perfectly sculpted without an ounce of cellulite anywhere. She was a bit of a freak of nature because her body fat percentage was more in the male range, and she had to do very little to maintain it. Beyond that there was very little though, that we had between us to base a relationship on, and that is the truth.
I think what you are feeling is very, very human. There would be no Hollywood and no haute couture if it wasn't natural for humans to worship beauty like this. It really is only skin deep though. I feel like a hypocrite saying that. I still fall for beautiful people, unfortunately, but at least I have the knowledge that it takes way, way more than that to make something work.