How do I casually ask "where are you from?"
I've decided to go to more conventions (sci-fi, comic book etc.) because I'm not going to meet people any other way, and girls in costume are very approachable. These are all in another city though so most people will be from there, but there will be plenty from nearby, like me. Thus I'll have to ask people where they are form, but I've been told by my cousin, who might be joining me even though she's not interested in the event, that it's not an unusual question. So maybe that's not my problem, maybe it's that I don't know how a conversation gets going. If they are from my city, I don't know if that will naturally start a conversation and if it doesn't, does that mean there isn't a conversation to be had and I should give up? I once had a picture taking turn into an actual conversation because their costume was a little esoteric so they were surprised someone recognised her.
I've found that the words aren't all that important, so long as you feel empowered. One way that I set myself up for feeling successful is by having activities set up in advance that I can invite people to. So when I go up to approach someone, if I end up getting nervous about what to say and how the talk is going, I can change course at any time, and ask them if they want to join me on some pre-existing activity plan. There's no scheduling involved, they either can or can't join you(no big deal), so it's not too personal(which helps them feel more comfortable), and if they're actually interested in you, despite your nerves getting the better of you, then you can pre-empt shooting yourself down. You run the risk of finishing out talking too early, inviting them too early, before they get a chance to get interested and feel comfortable, but I figure for the typical nervous guy(not unlike me), that plan does more good than it does harm.
Hope that helps.
techstepgenr8tion
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MinorAnnoyance: do you know what kind of women who would both attract you and be attracted to you? You want to figure out what type that is and try to spot them out; typically you can go somewhat on superficials, they aren't super-accurate on the negative but they tend to be very accurate on the positive.
Once you find a girl who seems like that type, especially if she has a costume from something your familiar with - say something about the movie, or joke about how she got to the convention (whatever the character drives/rides), or just make some kind of inside witticism about the series/movie/her character. If you don't follow animae/sci-fi and your chasing after animae/sci-fi girls, unless you can get yourself into that stuff enough to find your taste in it, find what you like, and get to know it well, you're only blowing smoke in your own face and they'll see it loud and clear - geeks or not they're still women. Wit with sincerity generally seems to win the race, especially with geeky women, regardless of their crowd - whether they're into sci-fi, going to bars, going to concerts, going to raves, hanging out in coffee shops, studying law, doing solo work in indie blues/folk, climbing the corporate ladder, whatever their preference is they typically tend to have their focus on clarity and like a guy who both knows up from down and has no problem being that around them without the games.
Hope that helps.
I can't even imagine what I would invite someone to. I don't even know what real people do with their time.
No. No one has cared to be around me long enough for me to know if I'd want to be around them for any length of time. Thus I also don't know who would be attracted to me, because so far there have been none.
Once you find a girl who seems like that type, especially if she has a costume from something your familiar with - say something about the movie, or joke about how she got to the convention (whatever the character drives/rides), or just make some kind of inside witticism about the series/movie/her character. If you don't follow animae/sci-fi and your chasing after animae/sci-fi girls, unless you can get yourself into that stuff enough to find your taste in it, find what you like, and get to know it well, you're only blowing smoke in your own face and they'll see it loud and clear - geeks or not they're still women. Wit with sincerity generally seems to win the race, especially with geeky women, regardless of their crowd
Yeah, I'm rich with wit, but I've noticed how good looking guys with money seem to be a lot funnier to women. I don't think it's a coincidence.
Although this premise is arguable, if this is a pragmatic truth, then the solution is to 'learn to play guitar,' so to speak. Not literally, but figuratively, of course. So if you are observing that your life, as-is, does not seem to interest people, what are you doing to change that? For a mild flip of perspective, if you were 'not-you,' and were approached by 'you,' what would you find interesting and engaging?
Or, assuming you realize all this, then why do you feel it's too much work to make that change? Or do you feel it's not fair?
If your car is not built for going off-road, why would you be surprised when something goes wrong when you attempt it? Having that experience to draw upon, then you know you should fix up the car to go off-road before you do it again.
...jesus my analogies just get worse and worse.
It's possible to make improvement to your state in the big picture, and although it's a big job, there's small steps you can make now which will make a difference. We just need to identify those steps, and then follow through.
