Two women part 3

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So this girl at work (see "two women's reactions" and "two women 2" for more), the one with the three kids and the semi-Catholic upbringing, comes around when I look at her today, as she's walking by, and talks to me about work while pressing her boobs forward a bit toward the wall between my cubicle and the one to my left (she's within the 4-foot zone and smiling at me a lot).

What now? I don't want to get fired.

I suspect you're reading too much into common social situations.

Seriously, if you think I'm reading too much into things, than pray tell what lesser amount should I be reading into them? It can't be nothing with NTs.

I need an ego boost fast if I ever want to get past my inexperience gap with women. I'd like to at least know when I'm being admired and fawned over, even if I don't act on it. I don't reciprocate in ways I think come off as needy, because I want to give off that cool, doesn't need her vibe, but I don't want to be too oblivious either. I just want to figure out how to strike a good balance in general, because right now I think I have a very neutral, nondescript vibe that doesn't really do anything for women, so behavior like what I saw tonight surprises me.

From everything you have posted, let me be very clear about this:

They are not flirting with you or showing interest in you. They are being friendly and kind.

If you need an ego boost do it elsewhere. Situations like this either get you fired or give you the reputation of the office creep, and then the women you work with will avoid you as much as possible.

There is a saying that goes "don't sh*t where you eat" - this especially applies to dating or hitting on people from work.

What do you mean "what now"?

What now - Nothing, that's what.


Dating people you currently work with = No.


And you're reading way too much into that. Also please stop making new threads for these things, I really wanted to comment on your second one but couldn't find your first one to draw reference to what the heck you were talking about so I was confused.

At the very least, summarize the past thread topics so we don't have to go digging around for it.

OP, you're wanting to look for a whole lot more than leaning her boobs forward a little bit to gauge interest in you. See if she touches you: That's a good sign.

It's much simpler than that: women have breasts, plain and simple. That's just part of their anatomy. So when those women stand right at the cubicle divider that's about ribcage-height (for an adult standing up), of course their breasts will hang over the edge. They're going to hang over the edge regardless of whoever sitting in the next cubicle, be it their husband, friend (male or female), sibling, attractive colleague, plain-looking colleague, etc. It's not meant to stick the breasts in your face. It's not meant to arouse you. And it's not meant as a sign of romantic interest of any kind.

You need to understand these things; otherwise you will have difficulties in your job, if not your career. While there are jokes and friendly flirting you can get away with, the boundaries are very subtle and blurry. Even hardcore NTs can stumble here. In your specific case, to play it safe, limit your conversations with women around you mostly to "good morning", "how are you", "good night", the weather and such, and work-related questions and answers. And for the love of god, look at their faces and not their chests when you talk to them.

I have shifted to part-time, the pressure got to be too much. I'd appreciate that not being seen as a minus even though there's less money. In any case, I live and work in Dubuque, an Iowa town you can look up if you like where there's not a lot of fun, intellectual clubs around. It's bars for young people and hobbies for old people, and that's the fix I'm in. I don't have an infinite amount of money to throw away once I go down to the part-time salary, but there's a bar with bands and a pool table so there's stuff to do other than awkwardly chat and if I can get it together to dress right and go down there it might be good.

I'm out of school, though applying for grad school financial aid, and as you can see my options are limited where I am and my money as well. I don't want to put life on the back burner until I'm 30, and I'd appreciate it if WP'ers wouldn't keep on insisting that no woman could possibly be attracted to me. I don't want to hit on every woman that shows interest, but I'd like to have some signposts to when I'm on the right track so I don't feel like I'm fumbling uselessly and going nowhere. I don't want to settle for "friendly and kind" my whole life, and getting more is a worthwhile goal. If you've already been there, stop being selfish and tell me what got you there so I don't have to feel like I'm in a room full of NTs being stingy. I can troll threads all I like, but a lot of people here are either dealing with UK or other cultures where supports are better or there's less American-style "me, me, me" stuff in the way NTs behave, or alternately they live in bigger cities with more options. If anyone's living in an American town between Podunk and metropolis, a college town basically, but not in school there, and doing better than me, I'd like to know what their secret is. I'll post elsewhere on it separately if necessary, but first let's see what you guys got.

This girl approached me, I did not approach her. I WAS looking at her face, believe it or not, and making an effort to do so despite being seated while she stood. It was near the end of the day and I was waiting for calls growing scarce, but I had my book to read and talked casual, I was not following her around like a puppy dog. I don't make sexual comments at work, even though there are some veteran employees that get away with saucy humor. I said "maybe" in a playful manner when the girl in question suggested I get flowers for her birthday upon noticing that I work there a lot (not so much now, since as I've said I switch to part time next week because I'm sensing burnout), the first time either of us engaged the other.

What I'm trying to convey is that she is slowly but surely throwing out feelers, whether for friendship or for anything more, and that I am not, contrary to the impression I may be giving by posting about it here, chomping at the bit and being overeager. I'm not used to the ladies coming to me like this, and I want to keep it going even if I don't act on it and seek out relationships elsewhere (got my first unprompted e-mail, a smiley and a Hi, on Chemistry.com BTW, though she's in Chicago where I'm not but was planning on trying to go to grad school).

^ she talks to you ABOUT WORK

Trust me, you are reading way to much into this.

There is no rule book we can give you - if there were, there wouldn't be an over-abundance of threads in this forum. You need to make friends with an NT guy and hope you find a decent one who can cross check your perceptions for you. If he is a nasty sort he will goad you into humiliating yourself so you better be careful who you pick to be your wingman.

You need a male confidante at work, not female. Or a female friend who is not attracted to you and you are not attracted to her and then she can maybe give you advice. Although you'd be likely to pick someone on Aspergers which would be 0 helpful.

I don't know how to help you to be perfectly honest and probably most of the other don't either.

She asked me how my Thanksgiving went too, also had a text/message conversation with me right after I came out to her about the AS.

I have male NT friends at work, one even offered his car if it breaks down again and the other is kind of an a**hole so his offer to go out I wisely refused. There's a girl in a similar situation to the one I'm talking about but happily engaged (or at least happily together) who was really helpful and is as close to a confidante as I can get, certainly better than the similar one who moved on to another job. I have some options for "NT help," but I'm looking more for life experience here and kind of wish people on WP wouldn't constantly be all negative with me when I ask for insight on similar situations.

but it's really difficult to know how to call a situation from just your description. I don't think anyone is setting out to be negative, quite the opposite, I think everyone here is really trying really hard to help you and all we are seeing is someone who just won't listen and keeps bitching in expectation that someone will finally agree with what he is saying. So what I am sayin' - ask someone who is there, who can observe both of you and can give an educated opinion on the situation. What you are asking from us is not reasonable.