Weird situation

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For New Years Eve I invited three aspie friends to come hang out. One was a girlfriend of mine and the other two were guys who are friends in a platonic sense.One of the guys acts like he is interested in the friend of mine but when I asked him about it he denied it. We stayed up late and he started grilling me about how I don't follow through with creative ideas, blah, blah, blah. At 3:30 in the morning, in front of the other friends that were there, he said "We're going to get the New Year started out right." Then he said that he would take me to his place and I could use his computer and write a story for him. I know he's an aspie, but I still thought this was kind of weird. Why would a guy want to invite a woman over to his house at 3:30 in the morning who has no romantic interest in her whatsoever? He did not drink any alchohol, so he was not intoxicated at all. The other friend of mine has a huge crush on him and was kind of upset that he did this. The weird thing is, although I like him and do find him attractive, I have known him for a few years and know that most likely things would not work out between us as more than friends. Today he called me up wanting to know if I wanted to attend an AS support group meeting with him later on this month. I forgot to mention, I don't have a computer at home.

So guys, what's your take on this? He denies he has any romantic interest in either me or my friend, but he often makes my friend believe that he is interested in her (she's an aspie too). A friend of mine brought pictures of her in a bikini to show him and he said that he seemed taken with the pictures. I feel uncomfortable because, although we are just friends, it's like there is tension whenever he and I and my friend are in the same room together. I'm not jealous; I would be happy if he got together with my friend. It's a matter of finding some qualities he has admirable and finding him attractive but realizing that it just wouldn't work out with him.

It seems to me that he is essentially trying to get the 2 of you to compete for him without him really having to make a move. The friend bringing bikini pics of her to show him not only came of as desperate but almost as "easy". His odd request from you may have been a way to spark jealousy in her to get more out of her. If not that, maybe he just likes the female attention in general.

My best advice is to make it abundantly clear to your friend that she is more important to you and that you don't have interest in the guy. Also subtly point out that showing pics of herself is the wrong way to get positive attention from a guy. In this type of triangle situation, it's more important that your girlfriend knows your intentions more than the guy. He's more likely to play you while she's more likely to either believe you or ask for your help to get him. I do agree that his behavior was a little sketchy (weird) and if anything, that should be a red flag for both of you (you and the other girl).

Greetings.

Doc Gamester here, resident Board advisor, also on all things love/relationship/dating as well. hence the fact that I frequent this board area much.



This guy is bad news. that's for starters.

This guy sounds very much like a typical player, if there was such a thing in the AS genre.

My guess is that he's playing both of you, trying to see which one finally gives in and sleeps with him.

(By the way, how old are ya'll, and sorry for the texas drawl, its a bad habbit for an English Major)

Also, when you say girlfriend, I know you're a girl and all that, but I'm not all that blind to when someone admits they are lesbian or bisexual, but, just so I can be clear and I hope this isn't uncomfortable answering this, the context of the word girlfriend that you're using is that A) the really really close female friend who you've known for a long time type or B) relationship type partner. I just need to know this so I can further diagnose the problem.

---Doc Gamester---

P.S. and sorry if the last question makes you feel uncomfortable, I didn't intend for it ito.

I couldn't tell you if he like you or her and is playing one off the other etc. He may genuinely not be interested in either of you, thought he probably does like one of you a bit more. Many people will deny when confronted, they don’t like being put on the spot. He might not be clear of his feelings. He probably finds it hard to be direct so is trying to play hard to get.

I think this is sort of by the by because you've already decided he is not compatible. It would probably make your friend really jealous and upset if anything did happen with you an him.

Personally more off colour is his attitude towards you. One thing offering his computer, which could be Aspie, it is more bossing you around in a patronizing way. I think you need draw a line there.

I remember this and actually, I am the one who had a huge crush on this guy who pulled this. I have a few things to mention.

1. He didn't have any feelings for AutisticDiva, rather he preferred her over me because...
a.I had very strong negative views on the game D&D, which I have learned was a stereotype and I have since learned to play.
b. He has very serious sensory processing disorder and I am known for being hyper and can't stand the sound of my voice. AD was much more docile
c. He also felt insecure and intimidated by me because he liked being the smartest guy in the room and I am known to be very smart too.
d. He wanted a girl who was an "Ultra geek" like himself and neither AD and I had those qualities.

I was angry at him for a long time but I had to realize all of the above next to the fact that something was wrong with him and not with me.

I was just thinking about it and wanted to read this again and compare because I have since forgiven him however, it would not have worked because.

1. He had been battling major depression over not having any good motivation and supports in his life. He also kept listening to the wrong voices so many times that he developed a self-fulfilling prophecy about himself.
2. He was unemployed and wasn't supporting himself
3. He was living in a very poor situation
4. He had poor social skills
5. The relationship would have been one-sided because he kept expecting me to do impress him with my intelligence so I could prove I was "The One."
6. He used his autism as an excuse for most of these
7. He was also very selfish
8. He had an attitude that drove people away

Another big one...

He pulled more crap on me three and a half years ago because he wanted something so he acted like he was interested in me and then blew me off.

He also was very controlling.