What is it like dating someone who is also AS?
I'm curious about something. Just the other day, someone came up to me and said, "Wouldn't it be nice if you could meet someone who shares the same values with you?" At first, I mistook that as being, "Wouldn't it be nice if you could meet someone who was like you?" Meaning in this case, someone who was also AS. I have always been involved with NTs to this point in my life. However, I have never been involved with someone who also had AS.
So, folks, tell me about your experiences of having dated someone who was also AS like you. Was it anything like you expected?
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Scott
"The Jazz of Life - the only way to live life"
Dx'd with AS and AD/HD Combined in 2007
Interests: Music, great outdoors (beach/mountains), cooking/baking, philosophy, arts/sciences, reading, writing, sports, spirituality, Green, sus
I have had one Aspie girlfriend. It went horribly. We argued to no end, kept ignoring each other, were always angry about something, and the whole thing fell apart very quickly.
My opinion after this experience is now that it does not matter whether or not your partner is Aspie or NT, as long as you get along with them.
My opinion after this experience is now that it does not matter whether or not your partner is Aspie or NT, as long as you get along with them.
Pretty much the same here. Personality trumps neurology.
hartzofspace
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Well, I am currently dating an Aspie guy, and i am Aspie as well. It is wonderful! We understand each other so perfectly. In fact, it is rather intense, and I find that I need a couple of days apart sometimes, just to catch my breath. But that does not mean that all Aspie couples will be a success automatically, just because both people are on the spectrum.
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Experiences will vary by individual, because not everyone on the spectrum is affected equally.
My last partner was an Aspie, and like me, she was mild AS. Besides her low sex drive, the only other issue was when she wanted to leave an event early, and I wanted to stay a little longer.
I prefer other spectrumites because of the straightforward nature many of us have, and I have difficulty reading hints that non-spectrumites sometimes give.
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spooky13
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GoatOnFire
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Me either, though I would imagine that it would be pretty dysfunctional for me to have a partner that communicates like I do.
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hartzofspace
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Joined: 14 Apr 2005
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Location: On the Road Less Traveled
Me either, though I would imagine that it would be pretty dysfunctional for me to have a partner that communicates like I do.
No two Aspies are alike, so the odds of meeting someone who communicates exactly as you do should be fairly limited. Just a thought.
_________________
Dreams are renewable. No matter what our age or condition, there are still untapped possibilities within us and new beauty waiting to be born.
-- Dr. Dale Turner
Me either, though I would imagine that it would be pretty dysfunctional for me to have a partner that communicates like I do.
I've never dated anyone and only met one Aspie in my life that definitely had it.
I'd consider someone AS, as much as I would consider someone NT. All women are different. I'm not looking for anyone, because of the "inner work" I am doing for me. I am a big believer that the best relationships often occur when someone is not looking for anyone else. They just "happen," and there's no explanation as to why they do.
I'm not the kind of person who wants to be stuck indoors all the time. I like to get out and about as much as possible - in natural settings, art galleries, and much more. I like to have my down time a little bit to recharge.
_________________
Scott
"The Jazz of Life - the only way to live life"
Dx'd with AS and AD/HD Combined in 2007
Interests: Music, great outdoors (beach/mountains), cooking/baking, philosophy, arts/sciences, reading, writing, sports, spirituality, Green, sus
wendigopsychosis
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Joined: 11 Apr 2010
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My previous boyfriends have all been NTs, and my current boyfriend is an aspie, so I've gotten both sides.
I think how well the relationship works out depends heavily on the kind of person you're with, not just whether they're NT or not. My first boyfriend was my best friend, and we're still friends, but once we started dating s**t hit the fan. I've come to the conclusion that he's more than likely a sociopath. I suppose that makes him not NT (though he's pretty obviously not NT to begin with, he's just definitely not on the autism spectrum). He's completely normal except for a complete lack of empathy for others. He even has a hard time applying logic in these situations, so though I lack empathy to some extent, I'm capable of knowing when something I do will hurt someone, because I can think about it logically... Him, not so much lol.
My second boyfriend was so stereotypically NT... we got along ok, but we were just from different worlds. Not in the AS/NT sense, but in who we knew, what we liked, etc. We were never all that close, and our relationship ended after only a few months.
My third boyfriend was also very stereotypically NT. Loud, charismatic, life of the party, very emotional, etc. He and I got along great though. We had similar interests and opinions (or at least compatible), and he helped me get over the damage caused by my first boyfriend. He also taught me how to make faces, use intonation in my voice, make gestures, etc. I learned how to talk to NTs, basically, which has been very valuable.
My current boyfriend was one of my third boyfriend's best friends... that should say something lol.
Though my last boyfriend and I were incredibly close, and I really loved him a lot, I can say that even the first time meeting my current boyfriend I was drawn to him in a different way. It wasn't romantic interest at first, it was purely fascination. This was before I knew I had AS (he actually was the first person to tell me that I might be autistic), so I had no idea why I felt such a connection with him.
Before I knew about AS, I simply told people that him and me were the same person in different bodies. We had the same interests; not exactly, but we both loved science (and by loved, I now recognize this as the "special interest" thing everyone talks about), for him it's chemistry, for me biology and life sciences. We would talk for hours and hours about science, and I just loved to listen to him talk... He knew so much, and it was all so interesting! I'd never been a chemistry person, so I was hungry to learn. He told me I was the first person to ever show genuine interest in what he was saying, and he could tell because I would stop him to ask clarifying questions. We also both loved internet culture (a nicer way of saying we're both /b/tards... if you don't know what that means, good for you, I'm glad), and we both liked video games. Over time, the parallels in our interests only increased. We both loved to debate politics, we both hate the drug war... etc etc.
He talked in a way I could understand! I never understood that I was aspergian, I just thought I was stupid, because I just didn't "get" what people said to me; it was hard for me to know what someone way saying, why they were saying it... the usual stuff.
He had a very similar thought process as me, similar way of doing thing, thinking about things...
We just worked so well, and I never had to be my usual fake-self around him. It was... refreshing.
So, AS+NT can work fine, even wonderfully, but there is something to be said for a good AS+AS relationship.
Of course, not all aspergian individuals are the same, just as not all NTs are the same. My boyfriend's father is definitely not the kind of person I would work well with, for example, and he's a very classic aspie.
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Well two out of three guys I dated on the spectrum were strictly online and both had AS and both weren't the best experiences. Currently I'm involved with a wonderful man with HFA. Not really including periods of seperation or whatever due to some miscommuncations or issues in our own lives, we have been each other's for almost two years in our hearts and we are learning much better on how to communicate to each other more effectively so we can try to avoid misunderstandings. We had no clues how he'd fit into our family till he was up visiting in March 2009 and me and my sons took very well to things with him and we have very little issues even in a small area for a period of time.
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