does it sound like he's being manipulative/disrespectful?

Post Reply New Topic

this guy that ive been talking to online acts like he's partially interested in me but at the same time he always seems annoyed/busy when we talk.
he takes forever to reply when we are IMing and so, to play hard to get/not seem desperate, i take my time to reply, too. but not quite as much as he does. i don't try to emulate him.
anyway, when i do this, he'll type hurry it along ellipses. "..." when i don't reply right away. this makes me angry and strikes me as disrespect.
also, i have really weird/goofy pictures on my profile on the site we chat on and he had more normal pictures on his profile. well today he uploaded a new picture of him with this pretentious setup of books and he has a kind of odd smile.... i mean, it was a baaad picture. i am kind of wondering if he's making fun of me. i really can't tell. what do you guys think? is he trying to make me feel like i have the upper hand so he can get me to stop being so nervous around him so he can take advantage of me? he knows i'm very shy and socially inept.
any words of wisdom? advice?

I didn't know ... means hurry, does it?
I use them to mean I'm not done with a sentence...
and there will be more of it on the next line. ^like that.

Maybe he's aspie and doesn't know how to smile well?
Is he busy at work?

Maybe he's chatting with more than one person at the same time.

Maybe he has a lot of network latency, if he lives far away,
has a slow modem, especially if there's an ocean between
you then the chat has to go 30,000 km into space and
back to bounce off a satellite, and that can take several
seconds. It's called network latency.

If he has network latency then from his point of view,
your chats are arriving much slower than his are, even
if you don't imitate the delay.

If he lives across town (not across a border or ocean)
then he probably doesn't have network latency.

So, find out if "..." really means hurry and if there is a
good reason why his chats seem to take too long.

TO FIND OUT... Try typing FASTER than him, make three lines
while waiting for one of his, and see if he says "Slow Down!! !".

I think you need to be more specific cus at the moment, it sounds like your reading far too much into nothing.

I've always disliked the notion that one can 'think into it too much.'
However, in this case, that's a lot of specific effort he'd have to go through in order to do what you're nervous about. The simpler explanation is that it's a bit like how he says.

Is it possible that he's just gaming you? Yes, it is. Nowadays, it's a bit more common knowledge that if you withhold satisfaction from the other person, it will get their attention. Or that if you challenge the other person, it will elicit a strong response (one way or the other), instead of being neutral. So those tactics you mentioned are possibly his attempt to keep your attention.

But even if that's the case, it's only web chat. Until you meet him who cares? If he's gaming you, so be it(...and it's not like women don't game guys too!). You can either enjoy the over-all experience, or not, all good things and bad things combined. Once you meet him, the stakes are quite real. But for now, when you're just typing at a keyboard, where a relationship can't go very far, the stakes are quite low. It's like a nickel slot machine. Go for it, and try not to worry about it.

On the bright side, if he is gaming you, and you keep talking to him, eventually he'll relax, and stop feeling like he has to put up a front in order to talk to you. You'll see the 'real him' either way.

when you reply hurry up, but when he replies, be patient?

red flag, control freak and a bit inconsiderate. just sayin'. not that that would deter me, the sicker they are, the better I like 'em.

I dont think he is purposely disrespecting you, I think he is just a not very nice person (I expect he is like that with everyone). I would not want him as a friend, he seems to make you feel anxious and stressed rather than happy. I think you should chat to someone else on IM insted.

I know a lady who types'...' on forums when people do not reply as soon as she prefers and I think it rude and superior and her trying to show that she is better than everyone else. I think someone would only type '...' while they were waiting if they were a prick.

Seems a bit stressful for an online friendship ... I agree, I might stop chatting with the fellow. The long pauses probably, to me, indicate that he's chatting with others or playing games. Seems your chatting with him is causing a lot more stress than it is causing benefits.