Brave men and ice cream

Post Reply New Topic

The other day I was in the ice cream section of my local store. Two men in their early twenties walk down the aisle, I keep my focus on the displays but notice them glance at me in my peripheral (something that isn't typical, I try to appear bland when out) so this sends out more than the usual mental thoughts of "Am I doing anything stupid at the moment? Not frowning or glaring, check. Not any obvious stims, check." They pass and stop somewhere near the end of the aisle to my left. I keep my eyes on the freezer displays.

This is when my mum comes around and into the aisle from my right. I catch up with her close to the end and she shows me some items she found. This is when I'm caught off guard as the two men are suddenly standing to our left, I didn't even see them approach. One is standing slightly off looking at his friend, waiting. I was focused on him as out of the two he wasn't focused on me.

Now the next details are in retrospect as I sort of (okay completely and totally) shut them out in the moment. I had no processing abilities at the time, way too sudden, way too much pressure.

The friend whose closest to me looks directly at my face (eek) and then the ground (eek, warning alarms in my head) as he starts to fumble words; something to the effect of "Um. This might be totally out of the blue, but I was. I mean we were wondering.. do you know what truffle.. Have you ever had truffle? Do you know what its like?" Then he stops and looks into my eyes (eek) Now I have to talk. Without thinking I abruptly deflect. "She does" And I point to my mum.

Thinking back to his expression I can see his bubble burst. His face freezes up (even though he's kind enough to listen through it, looking my mum in the eyes) as he waits for my mothers brief and decent explanation of what a truffle is like. I then later remember him look to the ground, say "Thank you" and very stiffly/awkwardly and quickly walks away.

His friend gave him a sort of supportive posture and was whispering something to him as they exited the aisle. The poor guy looked dejected and traumatized. I didn't see that at the time (nor did my mum who thought she did a good deed) I was just happy it (spontaneous socializing) was over, back to getting shopping over with so I could get out to the safety of my truck.

The whole truffle thing was obviously an ice-breaker line. A pretty good one I think now. Damn he was brave coming up with my mum there too, makes me wonder if he built up the courage and already had the momentum before my mum came around the corner; that all did happen really quickly.

My main reason for sharing this, is that is a first, someone coming up to me like that. I deflected something that must have taken a lot of courage and didn't even realize it at the time. I hurt him. I feel horrible. He was pretty cute too. I don't date. I wear a fake wedding band to ward off any such poor souls (he obviously didn't see it as my hands were in my pockets at the time, it was the cold section of the store) it seems to have worked up until the. I have way too much in my life to put on anyone else... I just want a re-wind button, so I can sort that out a little smoother. At the very least have my hands out of my pockets.

Hopefully writing this out and sharing with people who can understand will allow me to get it off my mind. *mental kick, kick*

Some people might think that autistics don't always show emotions, even so.. we can certainly feel them. We ca even notice body posture and expressions... even if it's a good 4-6 hours later. Grr.

Anyone else have a similar experience you need to vent?

Oh yes. A couple of times I've stupidly blown off women who took the effort to approach me.

One of my 'favorites' was when I was about 23. I lived in a loft in downtown Seattle, and literally right below our place was a pair of bars/clubs. One was a classic goth club (...one of the last of it's breed....), and one night I was super bored, wanted to hear some good industrial-ish techno/synthpop, so I head down there, and just kinda chilled and danced a bit, was content to be in my own world, content with just watching the crowd and the dolled up classic goth hotties(I'm talkin 90's style goth, YEAH!). I didn't bother talking to people - I was too shy back then, and I can keep my own company quite well.

As a matter of fact, I was so shy that when two women came up to me, grabbed my arm, and tried dancing with me, I kept trying to escape. See, they were older than I was... I'm guessing like 30? And one of them kinda looked like my mom(who's rather young looking). So I got freaked out for no rational reason whatsoever. The women were quite persistent, and kept pulling me back in with them, focusing on me, looking me in the eye and all that(gah!), and I just couldn't avoid them without leaving the club.

At some point later, as I was sitting on a barstool, the two women went off to go to the restroom. A guy came up to me, a friend of theirs apparently, and explained to me, "Hey bro. That girl with the brown hair, her name is [blah]. She just got out of a really bad relationship... Tonight, she just wants to have a good time. Do you understand what I'm saying? She's cool, she's attractive. You should talk to her a bit more."
To which, I give the sharp, smooth, witty response of "uh.... oh... uh, ok."
In retrospect, this guy was so cool. Not only was he tryin to help his lady friend out, he laid it out totally straight, was trying to help me get my stupid head on straight, and was just a nice, friendly outgoing guy in the process.

But nope! Instead I just kept on being weirded out and uncomfortable by the forwardness, and perhaps for the woman's slight resemblance to my mom, and the age difference(I just wasn't mentally prepared for that - At the time, I had no mental conception of the separation between relationships and sex), I don't know. I think she was attractive, but it's hard to remember - I wasn't really looking at that at the time. The whole thing's a fog.

But by 1:45, when the bars and clubs kick everyone out in Seattle, after having attempted to avoid them as best I could, I ran smack into them after exiting to the street. The woman and her friends were crowded in a circle and she was extremely upset. Presumably because the young man she threw herself at had totally rejected her like she was a monster. Seeing that, in turn, upset me quite a bit, and so I had this immediate impulse that I wanted to make it better. I followed that knee-jerk, unthinking impulse, and made the following utterly idiot move: I walked up to her and her crowd, and hugged her and tried to talk to her and be nice and friendly and whatever, and mentioned that I was headed home, right over there.

...But that last bit was totally by accident! I was just blabbering. As soon as I realized what I'd said, I panicked, but it was too late. She stopped fretting, ditched her friends, grabbed my arm, and started walking towards my door just 50 feet away. So in my infinite social awareness, I managed to give her the ultimate mixed/false signal. /facepalm.
I stopped at the door, and insisted that I needed to sleep, as she looked at me with an expression(I'm guessing) of utterly confused frustration. I gave a hasty goodbye, shut the glass door, and ran up the stairs, afraid of seeing her expression if I turned around.

I've kicked myself for being a proper bastard, spaz, and idiot ever since. I mean, it wasn't intentional that I did that, but jeez. Argh.

Brave men and ice cream sounds great.
I am not the kind of person who approaches anyone anyhow.
Nor am I much into actual relationships.
But I have been quite a shy chap, so this is not new to me.
I have done this once too (blow someone off) but for these reasons;
She was actually with a group of other friends, which beckoned me while I was cycling to a shop, so I had things to do.
She was smoking, which turned me off, or kept me turned off, really, because I was not turned on at any point.

Also, the shop was near closing and I have little patience when I am actually able to purchase something.
But the good news is, I bought two very nice LPs.
I also heard ignoring is actually better than paying attention, which makes this a double good thing.
Also, not in a relationship, so triple good!

It seems like a good combo, to me.

Hey, don't beat yourself up Wrackspurt, you weren't to know. As the saying goes, hindsight is 20:20.

Just take it as a huge compliment that a perfect stranger was prepared to come up to you in a shop (sober too!).

With any luck, you will have helped the guy to get a thicker skin and try again

@Sound... oh dear... It's funny now, but I really do feel sorry for both the younger you and the Goth lady...

I've had my share of () too; I've shot people down like a total () just by answering what I thought were innocent questions... (way worse than the OP)

Sound, our very own brave man for sharing that, thank you. You did manage to make my story pale in comparison. Switching gender roles I could easily see myself in your shoes.. course you were braver than me at 23 to begin with (with the dancing - even if you planned to dance alone). The poor girl was probably wondering what she did wrong, but they both seemed like really nice people, good support for each other. If only we came across situations like that when we are ready for them, eh?

ursaminor, you had it lucky that you were on a bike at the time, as uncomfortable as it was for you I'm glad you had an 'out'. Thanks for the story.

Lene, yeah, no kidding on the sober remark. His nerve might be slightly fried now, it looked like his friend had been encouraging him already, I made the friends job a little tougher. Hoping the next girl goes easy on him. *sigh*

Anyone else have any?

...Exactly. I just wasn't prepared, really.


Even Michael Jackson was shy. One can learn how to cut loose on the floor while still being shy! Mostly it just takes repetition, and you start to get comfortable, sort of. I had been going out to clubs & raves for 6 years prior, so even if I was a social wreck, I could at least cut the rug a lil.

Although, to this day, I can't dance except alone. Dancing with someone is just as bad, or worse, than sustained eye contact. My movements go from fluid to mummified in an instant the moment someone gets close to me, focuses on me. That represents a number of smaller 'brave men & ice cream' moments in my life...

Oh no!! I just remembered another sore-thumb situation where I blew it like an oblivious dumbass. This one's pretty embarrassing to me as well...

So, I was 24-25 I think. I had been giving my looks and wardrobe a bit more attention, and had gone to the Diesel store, and blew a big wad of cash on a new set of designer jeans that fit great, a little tight, but looked really rockstar on me, and I was proud of em. A couple days later, I got a call from a guy I'd met through my more-outgoing sister. This guy was a real good lookin guy, very affable and popular, got a lot of attention, was quite successful with women. For some reason he thought I was alright, so he pestered me to join him & his other friend at a street-fair/beerfest sort-of-thing. Me being so catastrophically shy, it took a lot of pressure from him to get me to go out and chill with him and his friend, but I did. Pretty nice guy, he really put in the effort for me.

So it was crowded, and there were tons of people in their 20's and 30's, lots of cuties running around. Judging by my two companions clothes, all the women out & about was possibly the primary reason they were there, and why they invited me(as they knew I was single). Fortunately, I was relatively well dressed myself, sporting those new jeans I liked so much, and looking alright. We spent a couple minutes in one bar along the way, had a beer, and then we got up to move on. I couldn't really get in on the two other guys' conversation all too much... I've learned a lot since then, but at that point I was just too shy, reserved, and soft-spoken still.

But when we got up to leave, *WHAP!* Someone slapped my butt, and squeezed it.
This was.... A new experience for me, and I did not respond especially gracefully. I spun around in abject shock, eyes wide, face serious and blank, arms and body stiff and rigid. What I beheld was a group of very attractive women seated beside our spot, whom I was nearest to, all looking at us, smirking.

Naturally, I panicked. More. She spoke first: "I like your pants," she said in the most directly flirtatious way possible. To which I responded, wide eyed, slack faced, "Uh... They're Diesel...." I kinda just looked at them for a second, not knowing what to do. I remember their grins sorta fading away as I just didn't say anything or otherwise respond. Instead, I took a step back, nodded at them, and beat a hasty retreat without even so much as looking at my companions.

Well, the guys followed me out, because even if they'd have wanted to stick around, I completely killed that group for them. They didn't really say anything about it, afterward, but from what I recall they seemed a little stunned, and probably just didn't know what to say. I mean, when a guy get's served a situation like that, it is simply not anticipated to end up like that. Such a reaction is clearly from outer space.

They did not invite me out again!

On the bright side, the jeans were clearly a good investment.

^ *puts jaw back in place* The power of denim. At least after that you're better prepared for the effects of those pants.. I almost want to ask for pictures....

Entertaining stories

I could really see myself reacting in a similar way, not so much because of panic, but because of genuinely not having a clue how you're supposed to respond to something like that It's difficult to imagine a reaction that wouldn't result in being laughed at.

Hehe well, I'm glad that I'm even capable of laughing at it now. I mostly don't react like that anymore. But it aint so bad... It's just one stretch of a road, and I'm farther along now. I wouldn't have gotten here if not for passing through there.

Heh, boy, the common thread between those two stories seems to be written large: Women truly frightened me, from the looks of it!

I've spent hours with my head craned to the side, twirling in place, trying to check out my butt. Unfortunately it just wont ever come into view, no matter how long I try to follow it into view.... After a while I just get dizzy and give up.

My prize "clueless idiot" story, happened when I was about 18 years old. I was involved in activist work, and often had to mix with a rather large group of other youth. There was this one guy, whom I had caught staring at me and then blushing, several times. I grew mostly annoyed with the staring. I had no clue that he had a king sized crush on me. So, one day, he approached me. (I must have looked intimidating, because my default facial expression was a frown.) Anyway, he blurted out something, and handed me two books. All I caught was, here is a book about my people, and here is one about your people. Later, I learned that this guy was Jewish, and one of the books was a classic; "Mother," by Gorky. The other was an American historical novel, set in the South, (can't remember the name.) Anyway, I took the two books, and, noting something about the American novel, merely replied, "Those aren't my people."

The guy blushed scarlet, and hurried away. Another guy standing near us, muttered, "Well, that was rude. He bought you two books! Now you insulted him." I was mostly dumbfounded, and resentful to be in the spotlight, having broken still another rule in the unknown social rule book. Later, when I had processed it all, I felt genuinely sorry for hurting that poor guys feelings. He had been trying to find a connection to open dialogue with me. And I taken it literally that I had to feel that fictitious characters were "my people."

Oooooh, ouch. ><

One time there was a guy I was actually slightly interested in. I didn't know him that well but we were sort-of-friends and chatted on the internet occasionally. Looking back at out conversations I think some of them were slightly flirty, although obviously I didn't realise at the time. One day he asked if I'd go on a date with him. I got so completely freaked out by the mere mention of the word and the idea of trying to deal with that situation that I completely failed to reply to the question.

The other thing that really stands out was in fresher's week at university (before the above one) - it was the fourth day and I'd spent quite a lot of my time that week with the guy from the room next to me. Of course no one had ever shown any interest in me as anything beyond a friend so it didn't occur to me for a moment that it might be possible until he tried to kiss me and I backed away in horror. Clearly not the reaction he was expecting.