Anybody notice a pattern?

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I don't date much. At least not in the sense that I get past first dates. But I try pretty hard and I've noticed a definite pattern. Out of 10 women I meet that I'm initially attracted to I might make an effort to get to know one of them better and try to get a date (this number is way up over the last few years BTW). Usually I manage to get a date when she was obviously interested in me from the start. Whether it be spur of the moment, or a planned date the same thing always happens. I have a good time, watch what I say carefully and (usually) get good feedback, flirting, encouragement.... and then.... Nothing. Usually the girl will give me her number and/or ask that I call, only to never pick up, call back, or just make excuse after excuse for not being able to go out a second time. Discouragement, shame, anger, and desperation all follow for me. I'm pretty good at hiding this last part, but obviously there's something else that I'm not hiding that causes women to consistently lose interest at some point.

This is similar (but unrelated) to something I've known for years in other non-dating social situations. I tend to be the invisible man. With very few exceptions. Even my good friends tend to overlook me when making plans. Most of the time, they'll ask later why I missed some event only to be surprised that I didn't know about it because nobody bothered to tell me. Ditto for favors, blind dates, or other acts of kindness. I give and give but do not receive (and can't complain because that just isn't the way things work in my book). I have to admit this occasionally drives my level of insecurity through the roof and makes me (incorrectly) doubt the sincerity of some of my friends .

Is this just me, or is it something that others have noticed? Anybody manage to overcome this problem if you have it? I can get by in most day to day situations (albeit somewhat painfully sometimes), but dating/love is the one area that I've never really learned to manage and its just killing me.

Believe me I try. But apparently what I think (or what my gut thinks) are obvious signals usually turn out to be invisible to most people.

Not being overtly touchy, or chatty, or able to fake a good smile don't help any. That's for sure.

The only thing I can think of is that maybe they think you're too guarded. Since, you say you watch what you say carefully it might come across as forced or fake. They probably pick up on that and it might scare them? I dunno for certain. I know I wouldn't like to be on a date where I felt like the guy was afraid to be himself.

I totally understand the whole "invisible man" thing though. I have the same problem with my friends. It's incredibly frustrating, and people just don't seem to understand.

You might be right, but I really don't think I come across as guarded. I miss more nonverbal cues than I notice (a huge problem in and of itself), so maybe (probably, definitely...) I'm sending some that I don't realize. But I still try to avoid doing or saying things that might be too challenging to others. That's what I meant by watching what I say. I just don't blurt out whatever is on my mind like I used to, try to manage my facial expressions a little, etc. etc.

The main question is how to change the pattern? Over the past couple of years I've started to wear my insecurities and social difficulties like a badge rather than hiding them. This works to some extent. It turns a lot of people off instantly, but is endearing to a few. Even the people who seem to appreciate the honesty don't notice or react well when I hit a barrier though.

I went as far as telling one girl that I needed somebody to grab me by the ears and drag me into new situations (this after a long discussion about being timid). She laughed and promised that she'd give it a try, and the rest of the date went great. I never could get her out on another date.

I'm not that overtly affected, and I'm pretty good at masking what I consider to be essential differences between myself and the people around me. It makes social contact a lot easier, but the mask only goes so far and it seems like my problems begin where the mask ends.

Well, if you find out, let me know...
Ever read "Nobody bothers Gus"?