Why do some people cut off their friendships when...

Post Reply New Topic

Why do some people block all their friends who are the opposite gender of them when they get into a relationship?

I remember my ex tried to get me to stop talking to all my male friends online except for the ones who have AS. I have also heard of some people making their partners stop talking to their friends who are the opposite gender. I think it's a very selfish and very inconsiderate. I would never do that to my husband and thank goodness he doesn't do it to me. I am allowed to attend my autism groups and have friends online and allowed to meet anyone from online.

Somer people do this because they are afriad that the opposite gender friends are actually trying to get out of the "friend zone" and turn the friend relationship into something romantic. There are plenty of threads on here where some guy befriends a girl, decides that the guy she's going out with is "a jerk" and hangs around in the hopes that she will dump her boyfriend for him. The boyfriend in that situation will likely try to get her to cut all ties with male friends just in case any of her male friends are "nice guys" doing just exactly this.

Then there are other threads where somebody notes that a man becomes much more attractive to other women once he's in a relationship. It gives him credentials as having been vetted as a viable mate. So the girlfriend in that situation will try to get him to cut all ties with female friends to prevent such poaching.

If your marriage is rock solid and not in any danger of either of you turning a friend into something more then GOOD! This is a good thing for your marriage. It means it's on a solid foundation.

To be fair, its not normal for couples to have a lot of friends of the opposite gender. Couples generally do things with each other or other couples.

Its perfectly normal for a partner to get jealous is its the case, and no they're not "being insecure" because doing stuff with single people of the opposite gender when you're in a serious relationship or married is just not socially acceptable. If you want to do it... be single. Being single and married both have their sacrifices. This is one for marrige.

I hope nobody takes this the wrong way, but could it be a cultural thing? I've lived in 4 European countries (only in the city) and never encountered this problem. In Sweden especially, people would even take offence at this view.

My two best friends are men. One of them is also my husband's best friend and we both love to talk and spend time with him, although he's still single. I'm also very close to a lovely woman who used to go to University with my husband - she's divorced and single. There never was anything inappropriate or sexual about any of these friendships and they go back a long way. Is this abnormal?

That's one thing that I will never understand.

I imagine the assumption would be that the said opposite-sex friends are not trying to get out of the friend zone.

I would keep all my opposite-sex friends, and would allow a mate to keep all of hers.

I would guess something like this. American culture is so full of selfish individualism... that appeal to primal animal selfishness is what makes American culture so intoxicating...

I've never understood this either. I had a relationship end over this (at least I think, lol). I don't understand what's wrong with having friends of the opposite gender as long as I'm not getting all touchy-feely with them or anything inappropriate.

I agree with you 100%.

Yeah that's always seemed strange to me. Not that any woman I've dated has attempted to do that but i've seen it with others and it's just weird. My friend's boyfriend won't let her have any male friends and she basically can't even talk to other guys, it's crazy and he's an insecure douchebag.

it's insecurity based on teh idea that an opposite gender friend will turn into an affair.

In my opinion, this is the thing to do, as a person has a right to friends. My girlfriend and I both have friends of the opposite sex, which is just fine because we love and trust each other enough to know that there won't be any cheating. To deny her any male friends would be to say I don't trust her.

Even if the partner is not jealous, there could be the issue of the person thinking that the partner might think they are cheating.

Honestly if you start throwing those sort of rules about how does that work for being friends with homosexual people? I mean imagine we're friends with a gay man - I can't be friends with him because I might be attracted to him, and my boyfriend can't be friends with him because he might be attracted to my boyfriend, or can we both be friends with him because there won't be any mutual attraction?? Then it gets even more confusing if one of us or the other guy is bisexual - if I'm bi does that mean I can't be friends with guys or girls when I'm in a relationship??

My boyfriend is friends with girls and that's fine, and I'm friends with guys and he's fine with that too. We trust eachother not to cheat. If I feel like I'm getting too close to a friend I step back a bit. I trust my boyfriend to do the same. If he decides that he'd rather be with one of his friends then we shouldn't be together anyway.

It's completely futile to try to control your partner in any way whatsoever - at least in a healthy relationship.

That's the way it should be... unfortunately, jealousy tends to get in the way. The comedian Christopher Titus once called jealousy "the Auschwitz of emotions"...