As Girl and Age Gap

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I met an AS girl at my English class. I think this is my biggest chance of happiness. We have so much in common, especially compared with other woman. I know it is not a big deal for us but I am 32 and she is 20 years old and she looks younger as some aspies do. I do know that the rules of NT does not apply with us.

I feel like a valcan who was born on this planet and with difficulty with human woman. I decided to make unnatural effort to be become human so I might find a human girlfriend so spare myself from unstoppable emptiness. She comes a along am I don’t have to worry about doing that she is a female valcan too. Not everyone is going to see it this way, they are going to only see the age gap. This might be especially to of her parents, who are a little over protective of her.

Last edited by Aspie_Chav on 15 Feb 2006, 1:30 am, edited 1 time in total.

I'm afraid that it didn't become clear to me how great the age gap between you and your girlfriend exactly is(though it's good to hear that you found a soulmate, I hope you guys can make the best of it), as you referred to her age 2 times: calling her 32 years old and then 20 years old. Or did you mean to say that she is 32 and you're 20?

I believe he's 32 and she's 20, judging by the "parents overprotective of her" bit.

Sorry I mean she is 20 and I am 32. Sometimes I have been mistaken for a 40 year old, even though many times I am confused with someone younger 27.If you look at my photo, I could not look anything like 20

My wife is ten years younger than me (she is an NT), but since I am 48 and she is 38 no one finds this remarkable. I guess it might have been more apparent at the beginning of our relationship, ten years ago. All I can say is, if your relationship lasts ten years or more then then the age gap will disappear.

Parents tend to be protective. My own kids are a long way away from being teenagers but I really don't know what I'll be like when they start dating. Terrible I'm sure.

Having said that, women tend to mature earlier than men (of course this is not always the case, but generaly speaking) know their own minds better and not judge men on superficial things like age or looks. Your maturity relative to guys her own age may be one of the things she finds attractive about you. If your girlfriend knows her own mind and is strong enough to stand up to her parents, then go with it.

Ha, you obviously haven't been to my university, I know guys who could pass for 40-year olds even more than your avatar (but then we're talking 'bout the bald, bellied types.).

But I figured that you were a student ('in my class') and she was older ('she looks younger'). But the opposite makes indeed more sense, judging the issue with 'overprotective parents'.

But going back to the main topic, IgorStop said some pretty good things. If you and your girlfriend can both truthfully agree that a) she's mature enough to know her own mind and b) you'll be willing to stand up against the prejudice that is very likely to rise (not only from her parents, but also from other people that are close to you two) besides the current chemistry you guys have, there's a base for a longterm relationship. If you can keep that up, the age gap will indeed disappear as time goes by.

How to deal with the parents is not for me to say, I don't know them. But in any case, I don't think it will be productive if you push the age gap in their face right away. I'd keep it on the downlow for a while so that you and your girlfriend can develop/explore your feelings for eachother (She doesn't have to lie to her folks, but shouting it from the rooftop could be a signal for her parents to break things off instantly.). If things go positive, you'll stand stronger against her parents, should they oppose.

But as said, dealing with prejudice isn't the highest priority; developing/exploring the relationship is. I wish you the best of luck with that, and hope that things will eventually go smoothly for you guys.

Just curiously, AspieChav, any update on this situation?

Before you worry about age gaps.. is she interested?

If her parents are over protective, it's likely to be frowned upon because my parents aren't really overprotective and they said some guy I went out with that was 1.5 years older than me was too old.

Well, 12 years is definitely a bit akward. I mean if she really likes you that's one thing. Otherwise, you guys might wanna just be friends and leave it at that. It seems like over in the UK you guys aren't quite as spread out, it at least looks like there's more dx'd women per capita, I say figure your odds of meeting another woman with AS who's within 5 or 6 years of you is pretty good (if your uncomfortable with the age issue and if that's how you'd rather have things be).

you're joking right?

You are both adults, if shes 20 she is an adult. She is in a college level
class which indicates she is mentally competent.

I see no problem with casual dates(movies, dinner,study dates, hanging out)

however before you get "serious" (even if its her idea) you might want to meet
her parents just so they know you're a good guy. Having Aspergers might actually
be a plus , so you're not just some 30 something NT dude trying to score with their
"little girl".

Of course the first thing to find out is if she likes you

Since then we still keep in contact, but we have not been on many dates. It seems like we would only be friends but we many never talk about romance or friendship at all. I would be just happy having her around or wouldn’t this work if I really like her. I am starting to improve on my communication skills it appears that it is working. Forgetting about an NT woman at a might club that I picked up, there was a NT woman at my meditation class who has had an interest in me, I don’t think that we are going to be serious or anything and she isn’t anything like this AS girl, even if she is around my age.

It seems like the age issue is more important to you than it is to her. Why not just enjoy her company,
ask her to a movie and see where it goes.

Dude,

You like her its obvious...

Why not try asking her to an AFTERNOON movie...
that way you can have a cheap date and if she just
wants to be friends then you can at least enjoy the movie.