Afraid Of Love

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Hello Wrong Planet,

I met this girl on Second Life going on 2 months ago, and we've been talking just about everyday since we met. She wants to meet me, and is really into the idea of marriage/kids. The thing is, I've never been in a relationship before. I lack general experience and understanding on how to handle a situation like this. She claims to love me, which puzzles me considering she's never met me. The idea of meeting her and continuing with the relationship puts me in a type of panic-mode. I just feel like vanishing without really telling her anything. (I know, that's cruel)

I've pretty much gone forever without allowing myself to just let go and pursue girls who are interested in me. I know it may seem silly, but the fear of a relationship just overwhelms me that much. I admit I've grown fond of her, but I don't think I feel the same way she feels about me. We don't really share any general interest, but the way she makes me smile by telling me sweet things and accepting me is a nice and new feeling. I have a fear of hurting her by telling her these things, but then again I figure it's better to do something now then allow it to drag on. It's easy to say "Just tell her dude", but actually doing it is extremely difficult for me.

There's more to it then me just being afraid, it's the situation in general. She's the outgoing independent type that wants to move out of her parents house and start a family, I live with my 62 year old mother several states away. I'm not really a 'Momma's Boy,' but I feel obligated to well, not leave the nest. I feel like I was never allowed the freedom of flight. Even though it's a delusional feeling and I'm sure she'd be happy for me to actually do something in terms of growing up. The idea of leaving her alone makes me feel guilt. So I've always felt a bit shackled. I never tell her any of this, though.

There's always the option of actually meeting, but that seems like such a dark and scary road to take. I don't know, I just want to disappear back into my safe-zone.

- Sorry for the rambling, just really wanted to get these thoughts out of my head.

I feel the exact same, man. You are not alone.

For your issue, I recommend talking to her about it. I believe that honestly is important and vital in any relationship. However, I am not good at relationships because I do not understand them, so forgive me if this is a dumb ideal.

You cannot run away from your problems though, sadly. Well, you can, but that doesn't make for a good life.

Anyway, that's just my two cents.

I can tell that this is a potential problem in the making, just from reading this! There is no way that this girl can love you when she's never even met you. If she thinks that she loves you, she has some serious issues of her own. She might feel attracted to you, but even that attraction is based entirely upon your cyber relationship, which is a sort of fantasy. That attraction is only a beginning, not a relationship.


I would panic, too. Especially since there is absolutely nothing to go on, so far. You don't have to vanish without telling her, though. You might want to consider saying something like, "I enjoy interacting with you in Second Life, but it is way too soon to be thinking about relationships right now."


In a nutshell, you are not ready for a relationship yet. Nothing wrong with that!

Meh, after some "rather" bad experiences with cyber relationships, i prefer to warn people i flirt with that it shouldn't get too serious (mostly if you consider the physical distance between the users, which is an already considerable obstacle to love).