my girl friend isn't understanding my mental schedule

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SectorStar
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26 May 2010, 10:24 pm

I've been with my girl friend for almost a year and half, shes knows I'm high functioning autistic and trys to understand what I go through and stuff, but tonight I feel like she isn't understanding me. I have a big problem with a mental schedule that can't be broken, I keep trying to explain it to her and give her examples, but I feel like she isn't getting it. We've been calling eachother for the last few nights and then when we get off I go straight to bed, thats my routine. The cordless phone that I normally use doesn't work right now because my sister threw away the batteries. Normally I leave it in my room after I go to sleep and put it back on the charger in the living room in the morning. The landmine phone that I tried to put back in my room won't work for whatever reason, so I can't use a phone in my room to talk to her. We have a cordless downstairs, but my parents don't want it left in my room all night. She asked why I couldn't just take it downstairs after we're done talking. I told her I couldn't because taking it downstairs instead of going straight to bed like I normally would wasn't part of my schedule, and I can't break it. I kept trying to explain it to her, but she doesn't understand why I can't just break my schedule if I wana talk to her that bad.....I don't know how else to try to explain it to her, and all it's doing right now is leading to a lot of arguing.....



Freak_Contagion
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26 May 2010, 10:35 pm

Try it for her once, regardless of how bothersome it may be, and then if it doesn't work, you can say you tried it, and it didn't work, and I think she'll be more forgiving then. =P


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YankeesGamer24
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26 May 2010, 11:00 pm

I can't really think of anything to tell you other than your a 21 year old guy, don't let some silly routine get in your way of doing ANYTHING. I can't blame your girlfriend for being annoyed, unless you have OCD or something you should be able to break a routine. Sorry if this is a bit harsh, i just don't want something so simple to cause you problems in your relationship.



hale_bopp
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26 May 2010, 11:25 pm

First we need to establish whether this is an Obsessive compulsive routine or a general life organising one.

I can understand how changes in these can be annoying, breaking an OCD one is a lot of work, i've been there, and I've also have had to break organisation ones - less difficult, but do-able.

What you need to do is realise complications and change have come up - as they will throughout life. You need to create a routine to replace your old one. Can you think of a new one that you may be able to get used to?

I don't know much about your life, but what other things do you do at night? Do you ever need to bring anything downstairs through the course of the night?



computerlove
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27 May 2010, 2:08 am

if you can't even call her, you don't deserve having a gf

change shoes, it is YOU who desn't understand that she wants to talk with you.

btw get this book, it's about $9USD, it'll cure you 100% guaranteed (honest): Man's search for meaning, by Viktor Frankl (nazi camp survivor and) founder/father of logotherapy:

Quote:
Overcoming Anxiety
By recognizing the purpose of our circumstances, one can master anxiety. Anecdotes about this use of logotherapy are given by New York Times writer Tim Sanders, who explained how he uses its concept to relieve the stress of fellow airline travelers by asking them the purpose of their journey. When he does this, no matter how miserable they are, their whole demeanor changes, and they remain happy throughout the flight.
Treatment of Neurosis
Frankl cites two neurotic pathogens: hyper-intention, a forced intention toward some end which makes that end unattainable; and hyper-reflection, an excessive attention to oneself which stifles attempts to avoid the neurosis to which one thinks oneself predisposed. Frankl identified anticipatory anxiety, a fear of a given outcome which makes that outcome more likely. To relieve the anticipatory anxiety and treat the resulting neuroses, logotherapy offers paradoxical intention, wherein the patient intends to do the opposite of his hyper-intended goal.
A person, then, who fears (i.e. experiences anticipatory anxiety over) not getting a good night's sleep may try too hard (that is, hyper-intend) to fall asleep, and this would hinder his ability to do so. A logotherapist would recommend, then, that he go to bed and intentionally try not to fall asleep. This would relieve the anticipatory anxiety which kept him awake in the first place, thus allowing him to fall asleep in an acceptable amount of time.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Logotherapy


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billsmithglendale
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27 May 2010, 10:16 am

Jesus dude, just buy another phone already. It's not that hard. Or get the landline phone to work. Phones are cheap, cheaper than wasting a relationship over a stupid argument.



Lene
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27 May 2010, 10:55 am

Quote:
my girl friend isn't understanding my mental schedule


Gotta agree with the rest here I'm afraid. You should count yourself lucky that your girlfriend is as understanding as she is, as from the sounds of it your routines are very rigid.

I know it's difficult, but maybe this once you should give her a break and be understanding of her.

Why not talk to your girlfriend and see if together you can come up with a solution that suits both of you. That's only fair.



Seanmw
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27 May 2010, 5:26 pm

Freak_Contagion wrote:
Try it for her once, regardless of how bothersome it may be, and then if it doesn't work, you can say you tried it, and it didn't work, and I think she'll be more forgiving then. =P
i agree

or perhaps consider getting a cheap cell phone?
doesn't need to be an expensive one with a two-year contract.
they have some pretty good deals on those pay-as-you-go ones :)
or if someone in your household does have one with a two-year contract dealy, it's also relatively cheap to add a line, if the person in question is agreeable with that.

like i have one that's just a line added onto my mom's service.
though i just use it mostly for the unlimited texting, picture texts, & voice texts since i don't like to actually talk continuously on the phone much. Me & my GF chat every day that way.

or if you have a phone jack in your room you can even opt for a super-cheap house phone. You could prolly even find one for a few buck in the electronics section of a Goodwill store, Value Village, Savers, etc or even a garage sale. Basically any place that has second-hand stuff really cheap.


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27 May 2010, 6:04 pm

I have to agree with most people here and say that you might need to change your routine. I know it's hard, as I have routines myself. Try phoning her from downstairs once to see if you can do it. Change.your routine slowly. If that works, perhaps you can change it to a new routine that works for both you and your girlfriend. :wink:

Hope this works. :)


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