Like this saying? I hate it!

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zeldapsychology
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28 May 2010, 11:06 am

(It's none of my business BUT!) My friends Boyfriend said he's going to look for tree work he works for his woman's dad. IMO ICK! Calling her your "woman!" SICK! I rather it be work for my girlfriends dad or something nicer but work for my woman's dad! ICK! Anyone agree! I find that statement ICK! I'm NOT YOUR WOMAN! (My friend probably doesn't mind this it's HER boyfriend) but as her friend IMO I find that statement ICK! Anyone agree?



Ambivalence
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28 May 2010, 12:02 pm

Yes, completely. "The wife" is another one.

I believe "ma femme" doesn't carry quite the same negative connotations in French.


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phil777
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28 May 2010, 12:18 pm

We've always been a little more subtle regarding gender politeness. :p

In such cases i recommand to use neutral gender expressions, like "mate" or "partner" or "significant other", etc. ;p

I don't exactly endorse of the (mutual) possessive aspect of the expression zeldapsychology stated as neither human beings are supposed to be "objects".



astaut
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28 May 2010, 12:25 pm

A lot of guys say that jokingly. Kind of like people say 'the old ball and chain' in a joking manner. I wouldn't mind it as a joke, but in seriousness it's a bit weird.



billsmithglendale
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28 May 2010, 12:36 pm

Wow -- this is what you have to get angry about? Semantics? NT's consider the sayings a joke and a sign of affection. Anyone ever been in a culture outside of the U.S./Western Europe? In places like Latin America, it's common to tease or use backhanded nicknames as a sign of affection.



zeldapsychology
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28 May 2010, 12:52 pm

I didn't take it as a joke perhaps he was but I agree woman aren't "objects" or trophies and I'd HATE for my boyfriend to call me his "woman" IMO that's disrespectful and wrong. But that's just how I take it. (BTW I didn't know it could be used jokingly was a stupid joke IMO) :-)



Peko
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28 May 2010, 1:12 pm

Boyfriend/Girlfriend: Okay by me b/c they indicate your relationship but also throw in your partner's gender so hopefully you won't have unnecessary confusion when discussing your significant other
Significant Other, Partner, etc.: All good neutral ground

I do recognize that in a way partners belong to each other, but going overly possessive is a problem.


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CockneyRebel
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28 May 2010, 1:15 pm

I hate that saying.


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AngelRho
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28 May 2010, 1:28 pm

zeldapsychology wrote:
(It's none of my business BUT!) My friends Boyfriend said he's going to look for tree work he works for his woman's dad. IMO ICK! Calling her your "woman!" SICK! I rather it be work for my girlfriends dad or something nicer but work for my woman's dad! ICK! Anyone agree! I find that statement ICK! I'm NOT YOUR WOMAN! (My friend probably doesn't mind this it's HER boyfriend) but as her friend IMO I find that statement ICK! Anyone agree?


I always love hearing from you in the forums, zeldapsych, but I'm gonna have to disagree with you on this one. lol Of course, I'm a man, so I have a little bit different perspective than you. And, it's all in good fun, anyway.

I don't have a problem calling "my wife" "my woman" because she IS mine. In a sense, she is a possession because she belongs to no one else but herself--she gives herself to me because she actually wants to belong to me.

It also works both ways. I belong to her and in the same sense am her possession also. She does have ownership of me because I'm no one else's man or husband, only hers. I like that!

Because we have shared ownership of each other, we are allowed to make demands of each other as well. This RARELY happens. If she is around other men or even certain of her girl friends who threaten the security of our relationship, I won't hesitate to tell her not to be with those people. Sure, we've had fights over that kind of thing, but she understands where I'm coming from and she sees how it can cause problems. I don't even tolerate the same thing of myself. When I first joined the band I play in, it didn't take long for me to figure out that they'd become accustomed to woman-bashing. Well, there's the peer pressure aspect of it that makes you want to join in, even if that's not how you feel. So rather than trash my own woman, I just kept my mouth shut. Would you believe my silence on it spoke louder than what they had to say? BTW, I'm the only member of the group that's never been divorced!! !

Because I belong to her, if I'm ever in a situation that people might look at as compromising, i.e. alone with another woman, I make sure my wife knows EVERYTHING that is going on, why I'm there, how long I'll be there, and EXACTLY when I get home.

One big reason our relationship works so well is we take very seriously our ownership of each other. I think men in general are very insecure creatures when it comes to relationships, and we need that assurance. Because we belong to each other, we care for each other, and as highly sought-after and prized possessions, we build each other up and protect each other against people and things that pose a threat to the relationship.

To each his or her own, though. A lot of people hate that idea. It could be worse, though. I could be the kind of guy that calls her "My b!+ch."



phil777
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28 May 2010, 1:40 pm

The use of the word b*tch is actually quite odd in american culture, as it originally described a female dog in "heat". =/ How it came to be use for voicing complaints ("b*tchin'") and other non-related stuff is kinda odd to me. ><

And what Angelrho said kind of resumes the aspect of marriage. =/ It is an alliance between two individuals for the purpose of creating a "family". I suppose it should also be considered under the expression of two people "becoming one" (and i'll let your perverted imagination do the work here ~­) and well... Going from there, they are a part of that unity. <.< Meh.

edit : small typo correction.



AngelRho
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28 May 2010, 1:53 pm

phil777 wrote:
The use of the word b*tch is actually quite odd in american culture,


Not to mention the connotations within the prison system! lol



zeldapsychology
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28 May 2010, 4:40 pm

Thanks AngelRho but notice YOU are married my friend as of now are Boyfriend/girlfriend I understand she's Your woman (if you are married which is fine) but they are boyfriend/girlfriend NOT married yet. :-)



AngelRho
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28 May 2010, 4:56 pm

zeldapsychology wrote:
Thanks AngelRho but notice YOU are married my friend as of now are Boyfriend/girlfriend I understand she's Your woman (if you are married which is fine) but they are boyfriend/girlfriend NOT married yet. :-)


Ah, but dating relationships seem to be the foundation for marital relationships. If they are "only" boyfriend/girlfriend, it remains that they are committed to each other--implying temporary ownership in a potential LTR. They're "trying each other out for size," so to speak. If they split, they're taking back their gifts of themselves in hope of possibly giving themselves away again to different people.

That's what sucks about breaking up. Once you are given a gift, it's often assumed you get to keep it. That's why it seems unfair for your gift to run away. What kind of bum deal is that?!

Speaking of gifts, I don't remember my wedding vows word-for-word. I just remember the common sense stuff: Stick together no matter what, don't cheat. But I do remember the first part: "I, (name), take you (name) as a precious gift from God."

Anyway... I do understand what you're saying. It's a commonplace thing to call someone "my man" or "my woman." You'll do well to tell any potential mate you don't like that. If my wife had a problem with it, I wouldn't do that to her.



zeldapsychology
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28 May 2010, 5:26 pm

Wow! Good point! It's so sad I have so much to learn about life!! ! :-(



Janissy
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28 May 2010, 5:53 pm

zeldapsychology wrote:
Thanks AngelRho but notice YOU are married my friend as of now are Boyfriend/girlfriend I understand she's Your woman (if you are married which is fine) but they are boyfriend/girlfriend NOT married yet. :-)


My husband and I started doing this when we were dating, when we were still boyfriend and girlfriend. He would say "my woman" and I would say "my man". It started as a joke, just goofing around. But it stuck and now after all these years it feels comfortable and familiar. Yes, we're married now. But, like Angelrho, we weren't when we started doing it.



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28 May 2010, 6:14 pm

It's just words, innit. Everyone has preferences. I call my loved one babe, sometimes baby, and I know a lot of people dislike that.


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