02 Jun 2010, 4:48 pm
nick007 wrote:
billsmithglendale wrote:
Ichinin wrote:
Nonono, its not BS.
"You'll find love one day", is perfectly truthfull. In fact, you may find love soon, you'll see that special girl that looks at you, she comes over to talk to you, you work together on a project (for school or work) and then one day, you'll fall in love - and then she mentions her boyfriend.
See? It happened to me! EVERYONE can find love (...and then have their heart smashed to bits).
"You'll find love one day", is perfectly truthfull. In fact, you may find love soon, you'll see that special girl that looks at you, she comes over to talk to you, you work together on a project (for school or work) and then one day, you'll fall in love - and then she mentions her boyfriend.
See? It happened to me! EVERYONE can find love (...and then have their heart smashed to bits).
You forgot the rest of the story, for those of us who did have a happy ending.
You talk to the girl, become her friend or acquaintance, stay in her mind, and then when she dumps/gets dumped by said boyfriend, you're on the short list of candidates to be the next boyfriend.
Way too many guys write off girls with boyfriends as if they are permanently out of the market -- nothing could be farther from the truth. Most women that are worth it will have a boyfriend at any given time -- why wouldn't they? The mistake guys make is to leave a bad impression by instantly losing interest when they hear about the boyfriend. These guys (and I was one of them) turn what should have been a good, long-term investment in a friendship/possible future relationship into yet another failure, and at the same time demonstrate to the girl that they aren't into her as a person, only as a prospect. I know that guys here will protest and say "I just wanted to show that I'm not the kind of scum that would hit on a girl who was already involved!" but women don't read it that way. Instead, they scratch you off of the list.
That being said, there's a fine line to walk between being a friend and being friended. Don't give girls like that too much of your time until they are ready to move towards a relationship with you -- don't get used, don't be the "shoulder to cry on" all the time. Be firm, be nice, be strong, and maybe be her next boyfriend.
How do I tell the difference between being a friend & being friended
Lots of my women friends run to me for emotional support to complain about their jerk of a BF & when they are single those women do not like me in "that way" but they tell me how they wish their BFs wer like me. It's very frustrating 
Women never give me a chance 
If you complain to them like that, they never will. Never complain to a woman, it just makes them think you are in their mode, and not masculine enough to "deal with it."
Being a friend means she calls you, does nice things for you, thinks of you when opportunities or other nice events come up.
When you are friended, you get used emotionally -- she calls you up just to complain, doesn't care about your problems or concerns (or your life). You also can get used in more obvious ways -- help on homework, studying, etc. Now, don't get me wrong -- studying with a girl for a test together can actually help you seal the deal (done that before), but only if she was interested in the first place, and if you end up spending more time talking to eachother about things than actually studying. This has to happen naturally. A user girl won't let the session go off the rails like that -- she'll keep steering it back to business, because at the end of the day, that's all you are -- business, a means to an end.
Does this help? I can clarify further.
02 Jun 2010, 5:09 pm
nick007
Veteran
Joined: 4 May 2010
Age: 41
Gender: Male
Posts: 27,129
Location: was Louisiana but now Vermont in the police state called USA
02 Jun 2010, 5:38 pm
billsmithglendale wrote:
nick007 wrote:
billsmithglendale wrote:
Ichinin wrote:
Nonono, its not BS.
"You'll find love one day", is perfectly truthfull. In fact, you may find love soon, you'll see that special girl that looks at you, she comes over to talk to you, you work together on a project (for school or work) and then one day, you'll fall in love - and then she mentions her boyfriend.
See? It happened to me! EVERYONE can find love (...and then have their heart smashed to bits).
"You'll find love one day", is perfectly truthfull. In fact, you may find love soon, you'll see that special girl that looks at you, she comes over to talk to you, you work together on a project (for school or work) and then one day, you'll fall in love - and then she mentions her boyfriend.
See? It happened to me! EVERYONE can find love (...and then have their heart smashed to bits).
You forgot the rest of the story, for those of us who did have a happy ending.
You talk to the girl, become her friend or acquaintance, stay in her mind, and then when she dumps/gets dumped by said boyfriend, you're on the short list of candidates to be the next boyfriend.
Way too many guys write off girls with boyfriends as if they are permanently out of the market -- nothing could be farther from the truth. Most women that are worth it will have a boyfriend at any given time -- why wouldn't they? The mistake guys make is to leave a bad impression by instantly losing interest when they hear about the boyfriend. These guys (and I was one of them) turn what should have been a good, long-term investment in a friendship/possible future relationship into yet another failure, and at the same time demonstrate to the girl that they aren't into her as a person, only as a prospect. I know that guys here will protest and say "I just wanted to show that I'm not the kind of scum that would hit on a girl who was already involved!" but women don't read it that way. Instead, they scratch you off of the list.
That being said, there's a fine line to walk between being a friend and being friended. Don't give girls like that too much of your time until they are ready to move towards a relationship with you -- don't get used, don't be the "shoulder to cry on" all the time. Be firm, be nice, be strong, and maybe be her next boyfriend.
How do I tell the difference between being a friend & being friended
Lots of my women friends run to me for emotional support to complain about their jerk of a BF & when they are single those women do not like me in "that way" but they tell me how they wish their BFs wer like me. It's very frustrating Women never give me a chance If you complain to them like that, they never will. Never complain to a woman, it just makes them think you are in their mode, and not masculine enough to "deal with it."
Being a friend means she calls you, does nice things for you, thinks of you when opportunities or other nice events come up.
When you are friended, you get used emotionally -- she calls you up just to complain, doesn't care about your problems or concerns (or your life). You also can get used in more obvious ways -- help on homework, studying, etc. Now, don't get me wrong -- studying with a girl for a test together can actually help you seal the deal (done that before), but only if she was interested in the first place, and if you end up spending more time talking to eachother about things than actually studying. This has to happen naturally. A user girl won't let the session go off the rails like that -- she'll keep steering it back to business, because at the end of the day, that's all you are -- business, a means to an end.
Does this help? I can clarify further.
I get it now & I do not complain to women; they never give me a chance to. If it wasn't for women like that; I'd have no women friends
Only people who like me are gay/bi guys & older women who talk about how they wish their daughters/granddaughters would like me instead of being with losers. That's why I think I need an arranged marriage. Some people think I'm a great guy but women are completely unattracted & uninterested in me romantically. I think there must be some kind of class that women take that teaches em all NOT to give me a chance but compare every guy they date to me instead
02 Jun 2010, 6:10 pm
02 Jun 2010, 6:12 pm
nick007 wrote:
billsmithglendale wrote:
If you complain to them like that, they never will. Never complain to a woman, it just makes them think you are in their mode, and not masculine enough to "deal with it."
Being a friend means she calls you, does nice things for you, thinks of you when opportunities or other nice events come up.
When you are friended, you get used emotionally -- she calls you up just to complain, doesn't care about your problems or concerns (or your life). You also can get used in more obvious ways -- help on homework, studying, etc. Now, don't get me wrong -- studying with a girl for a test together can actually help you seal the deal (done that before), but only if she was interested in the first place, and if you end up spending more time talking to eachother about things than actually studying. This has to happen naturally. A user girl won't let the session go off the rails like that -- she'll keep steering it back to business, because at the end of the day, that's all you are -- business, a means to an end.
Does this help? I can clarify further.
I get it now & I do not complain to women; they never give me a chance to. If it wasn't for women like that; I'd have no women friends
Only people who like me are gay/bi guys & older women who talk about how they wish their daughters/granddaughters would like me instead of being with losers. That's why I think I need an arranged marriage. Some people think I'm a great guy but women are completely unattracted & uninterested in me romantically. I think there must be some kind of class that women take that teaches em all NOT to give me a chance but compare every guy they date to me instead Nick -- I feel your pain, but it does get better. What you describe is exactly how life was for me... right before it got a hell of a lot better. It had to do with finding self respect, not letting people use me, and finding confidence. I also got better about reading signals and honing in on my "target demographic," rather than just chasing pretty faces (which everyone else was chasing too). Any chance that you are perhaps ignoring some leads because they do not fit your ideal? Also, do you think you could be vibing too much desperation? This is where my comment about getting your testosterone checked comes in -- I felt a lot less needy once I got on hormone therapy.
Do you mind telling me around how old you are? I'm guessing late teens/early 20s. Per some of my other threads here, life is a lot different for most guys, dating-wise, after 25 vs. younger than 25.
02 Jun 2010, 6:37 pm
MrDiamondMind
Deinonychus
Joined: 13 Mar 2010
Age: 38
Gender: Male
Posts: 371
Location: Encapsulated within a skull; covered in sheets of skin
02 Jun 2010, 7:01 pm
02 Jun 2010, 7:15 pm
I kinda think that the "you'll find someone one day" thing is BS to me IMO. I guess thats what porn is for. 
I haven't found that special someone that people keep mentioning me about and never will.
02 Jun 2010, 7:38 pm
Shadowbound-
I agree that it sounds like you are depressed, and maybe have some social anxiety. I don't know how you feel about medication, but I was very opposed to psychological meds but I eventually tried some. I take prozac for anxiety and it helps a lot. You might find it helpful for depression.
I know this is yet another cliche, but I think you should focus on a couple good things...you have a family (hopefully a supportive one), it sounds like you have friends and have at least chatted with women, and you are only 30 so you are still young. This is just coming from one person, but I think you have some good things going for you. You don't look to be a bad-looking guy from your picture, you're in your prime, you're ambitious, and you want things that a woman wanting a serious relationship would also want. And a bonus...it looks like you like dogs 
My advice is you need to try and get past whatever it is that makes you think you're 'incapable', as you say. Maybe go to a therapist that can get you on medication and help you make some small goals so you feel your accomplishments. You could also work on self-confidence, because I think you have reason to have it and it is attractive to women. They may could point you to some resources like ways to work on social skills so you feel more comfortable around women. I don't think love will magically fall into your lap once you start this, but who knows...when it comes it comes.
02 Jun 2010, 7:48 pm
nick007
Veteran
Joined: 4 May 2010
Age: 41
Gender: Male
Posts: 27,129
Location: was Louisiana but now Vermont in the police state called USA
02 Jun 2010, 8:08 pm
billsmithglendale wrote:
nick007 wrote:
billsmithglendale wrote:
If you complain to them like that, they never will. Never complain to a woman, it just makes them think you are in their mode, and not masculine enough to "deal with it."
Being a friend means she calls you, does nice things for you, thinks of you when opportunities or other nice events come up.
When you are friended, you get used emotionally -- she calls you up just to complain, doesn't care about your problems or concerns (or your life). You also can get used in more obvious ways -- help on homework, studying, etc. Now, don't get me wrong -- studying with a girl for a test together can actually help you seal the deal (done that before), but only if she was interested in the first place, and if you end up spending more time talking to eachother about things than actually studying. This has to happen naturally. A user girl won't let the session go off the rails like that -- she'll keep steering it back to business, because at the end of the day, that's all you are -- business, a means to an end.
Does this help? I can clarify further.
I get it now & I do not complain to women; they never give me a chance to. If it wasn't for women like that; I'd have no women friends
Only people who like me are gay/bi guys & older women who talk about how they wish their daughters/granddaughters would like me instead of being with losers. That's why I think I need an arranged marriage. Some people think I'm a great guy but women are completely unattracted & uninterested in me romantically. I think there must be some kind of class that women take that teaches em all NOT to give me a chance but compare every guy they date to me instead Nick -- I feel your pain, but it does get better. What you describe is exactly how life was for me... right before it got a hell of a lot better. It had to do with finding self respect, not letting people use me, and finding confidence. I also got better about reading signals and honing in on my "target demographic," rather than just chasing pretty faces (which everyone else was chasing too). Any chance that you are perhaps ignoring some leads because they do not fit your ideal? Also, do you think you could be vibing too much desperation? This is where my comment about getting your testosterone checked comes in -- I felt a lot less needy once I got on hormone therapy.
Do you mind telling me around how old you are? I'm guessing late teens/early 20s. Per some of my other threads here, life is a lot different for most guys, dating-wise, after 25 vs. younger than 25.
I'm pretty sure I don't have low testosterone; if anything mine may be slightly above average. I'm extremely hairy, I have a deep voice ect. I've been on lots of meds in the past for mental things & rite now I am much much more functional not on anything. I'd rather avoid meds. I don't think I'm ignoring any leads because my main standards is a woman who does not have a drug or alcohol problem; I think that's my mistake because most all my friends insist that my straight edge beliefs & lack of interest in partying are limiting me. I do not think there's anything wrong with lack of confidence & being desperate because I like women who are but women do not like me. I'm 27 BTW
02 Jun 2010, 8:15 pm
nick007 wrote:
billsmithglendale wrote:
nick007 wrote:
billsmithglendale wrote:
Ichinin wrote:
Nonono, its not BS.
"You'll find love one day", is perfectly truthfull. In fact, you may find love soon, you'll see that special girl that looks at you, she comes over to talk to you, you work together on a project (for school or work) and then one day, you'll fall in love - and then she mentions her boyfriend.
See? It happened to me! EVERYONE can find love (...and then have their heart smashed to bits).
"You'll find love one day", is perfectly truthfull. In fact, you may find love soon, you'll see that special girl that looks at you, she comes over to talk to you, you work together on a project (for school or work) and then one day, you'll fall in love - and then she mentions her boyfriend.
See? It happened to me! EVERYONE can find love (...and then have their heart smashed to bits).
You forgot the rest of the story, for those of us who did have a happy ending.
You talk to the girl, become her friend or acquaintance, stay in her mind, and then when she dumps/gets dumped by said boyfriend, you're on the short list of candidates to be the next boyfriend.
Way too many guys write off girls with boyfriends as if they are permanently out of the market -- nothing could be farther from the truth. Most women that are worth it will have a boyfriend at any given time -- why wouldn't they? The mistake guys make is to leave a bad impression by instantly losing interest when they hear about the boyfriend. These guys (and I was one of them) turn what should have been a good, long-term investment in a friendship/possible future relationship into yet another failure, and at the same time demonstrate to the girl that they aren't into her as a person, only as a prospect. I know that guys here will protest and say "I just wanted to show that I'm not the kind of scum that would hit on a girl who was already involved!" but women don't read it that way. Instead, they scratch you off of the list.
That being said, there's a fine line to walk between being a friend and being friended. Don't give girls like that too much of your time until they are ready to move towards a relationship with you -- don't get used, don't be the "shoulder to cry on" all the time. Be firm, be nice, be strong, and maybe be her next boyfriend.
How do I tell the difference between being a friend & being friended
Lots of my women friends run to me for emotional support to complain about their jerk of a BF & when they are single those women do not like me in "that way" but they tell me how they wish their BFs wer like me. It's very frustrating Women never give me a chance If you complain to them like that, they never will. Never complain to a woman, it just makes them think you are in their mode, and not masculine enough to "deal with it."
Being a friend means she calls you, does nice things for you, thinks of you when opportunities or other nice events come up.
When you are friended, you get used emotionally -- she calls you up just to complain, doesn't care about your problems or concerns (or your life). You also can get used in more obvious ways -- help on homework, studying, etc. Now, don't get me wrong -- studying with a girl for a test together can actually help you seal the deal (done that before), but only if she was interested in the first place, and if you end up spending more time talking to eachother about things than actually studying. This has to happen naturally. A user girl won't let the session go off the rails like that -- she'll keep steering it back to business, because at the end of the day, that's all you are -- business, a means to an end.
Does this help? I can clarify further.
I get it now & I do not complain to women; they never give me a chance to. If it wasn't for women like that; I'd have no women friends
Only people who like me are gay/bi guys & older women who talk about how they wish their daughters/granddaughters would like me instead of being with losers. That's why I think I need an arranged marriage. Some people think I'm a great guy but women are completely unattracted & uninterested in me romantically. I think there must be some kind of class that women take that teaches em all NOT to give me a chance but compare every guy they date to me instead Sheesh man!
You sound like such a virgin! (No offense.)
Don't whine, get a rental girl or take one of the cute gay guys up on their offer...
02 Jun 2010, 8:59 pm
Shadowbound wrote:
The only love I've know is either from my family or a pet. Over the years when chatting online people will say the common saying "You'll find love one day" I'm 30 now and 31 this year and I've never known love as in a female partner kind of way. I've wanted it and I've seen women I've been attractive too in the past but I feel completely incapable of doing anything about it. I'll try and think of ways to do something for months with no avail. Either the attempts I try get unrealised by the female or I've taken too long.
High functioning is a cures for me anyway. I desire many of the things NT want. I feel like I'm in a cage sometimes seeing people go for what they want or desire in life and even though it's sometimes though for them too they have the tools to get there. I see the things I want like a business, love, sex and have little Andy's running around but I have no chance of getting any of those things. If I try to get any of the things I desire and want it's like I can go so far but the bars are there preventing me I stretch my arms through the bars of my cage but everything is out of reach and there for completely unachievable because I'm incapable.
So the saying "Get out there" is BS too as I will go out there but I'm still trapped. Sometimes I just end up more depressed as I'd go out and see couples in love hugging, holding hands or kissing and I think I want that but will never get it.
High functioning is a cures for me anyway. I desire many of the things NT want. I feel like I'm in a cage sometimes seeing people go for what they want or desire in life and even though it's sometimes though for them too they have the tools to get there. I see the things I want like a business, love, sex and have little Andy's running around but I have no chance of getting any of those things. If I try to get any of the things I desire and want it's like I can go so far but the bars are there preventing me I stretch my arms through the bars of my cage but everything is out of reach and there for completely unachievable because I'm incapable.
So the saying "Get out there" is BS too as I will go out there but I'm still trapped. Sometimes I just end up more depressed as I'd go out and see couples in love hugging, holding hands or kissing and I think I want that but will never get it.
I know what your "problem" is ! !! !! !
What you describe is much much like me!! !! !! !! ! I couldn't put a finger on it until I did these tests http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt113459.html sorry I cant remember the pacific one but it came down to my ability or lack of ability to both understand and express my emotions ! I have to take time out and force me to think about how I feel about certain things then find a way to express it, by which time its to late and I feel like a complete moron ! The good news is I have datedd (although not much ) so it is possible ! At lease it is something to look into there may be ways to speed up the process of how to respond or make the next move. It is hard to try and get people to understand its like your there in the situation but your brain is working overtime trying to work out the next appropriate move 
If you ever fancy having the longest ever online first date let me know, I will expect your response in about a week 
02 Jun 2010, 9:59 pm
03 Jun 2010, 4:25 am
nick007
Veteran
Joined: 4 May 2010
Age: 41
Gender: Male
Posts: 27,129
Location: was Louisiana but now Vermont in the police state called USA
03 Jun 2010, 5:04 am
RICKY5 wrote:
Quote:
Sheesh man!
You sound like such a virgin! (No offense.)
Don't whine, get a rental girl or take one of the cute gay guys up on their offer...
You sound like such a virgin! (No offense.)
Don't whine, get a rental girl or take one of the cute gay guys up on their offer...
What do you mean by rental girl
I don't find guys cute, only women are cute to me.BPalmer wrote:
nick007 wrote:
Lots of my women friends run to me for emotional support to complain about their jerk of a BF & when they are single those women do not like me in "that way" but they tell me how they wish their BFs wer like me.
Lying, violence-fetishist sluts. Hopefully their boyfriends will bash the living daylights out of them, because that is exactly what they deserve! Those who lie down with dogs shouldn't be surprised if they get fleas.
That's brutal
I feel bad for people in those situations. I can understand em not wanting me because their with someone who really cares about em & treats em rite; they deserve so much better. Maybe I am the one who is a horrible person & I somehow deluded myself into thinking I'm not
| Similar Topics | |
|---|---|
| What do NTs find polite that you think is not? |
06 Mar 2024, 1:59 am |
| Hascanybody ever gotten surprised at you when they find out |
04 Apr 2024, 8:06 pm |
| Desperately trying to find in person friends |
Today, 12:17 am |
| Will I find it harder to fall asleep? |
13 Feb 2024, 9:33 am |
