I quit, Im done :'(

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After alot of thought and painful talks with myself i feel that it's time that i broke up my relationship with my girlfreind and me. I cant love someone if they dont show love back, How can i pour all my feelings into a person if all they do is just stand there with a blank exsperession on their face? I mean it's not like i havent tried to get closer to her but she needs to help aswell not just stand there like a plank of wood, I have been with her 4 years now and we never really got close in the sense of kissing or hugging ever if at all!? I have talked to her hmm three? four? times about how I need some feedback and reaction to whenever i try and get close to her.

I really dont want to leave her but honestly i have exausted all my thought and ideas just trying to get her to show her feeling for me apart from saying i love you loads on MSN It's not enough, I mean am i asking too much for my girlfreind too kiss me back? too hug me now and then to even say the odd "i love you" without me having to say it or do it first because i have exsperimented and not kissed or hugged her before and abosolutly nothing changes. i mean she doesnt say " oh why didnt you kiss me today" or "are you okay? you didnt hug me today?" no she just go's around like a zombie towards me I might as well have a relationship with myself becuase honestly nothing much would change if i did

Plus i dont see much effort to try and get in touch with me or try and see me, Y'know my mum was right there are so many other women out there for me too meet and i dont doupt for one second that i couldnt get another girlfreind but thats not what i want i dont care about other girls i love her.... hmm i love her well i supposed i have do ask myself do i "love" her anymore? I dont know really but this cant carry on anymore she seems to be fine with how we are but i just cant take it anymore i mean even my freinds have said your girlfreind just stands there when you show her affection whats up with her and i really dont know? No....she doesnt have AS before you ask she's just brain dead

So this is where i say I QUIT! IM DONE! GAME OVER! Sure i hope we will always remain close freinds but anything more than that never seems to work out this is the third attempt at a relationship with her and everytime it ends with the same result as now exept in the past i blamed myself for her not being close because i thought i wasnt getting close enough either but now that i do well now i fianlly see that it's her not me.

I guess this is the end i cant go on prentending that this is a relationship because it;s just plain NOT! it's two best freinds who have known each other since middle school pretending they are going out! I really need to cut my feelings out for when i talk to her about this because im not gonna' get back into this trap. i cant, it's just too painful on me!

Still it was fun I will miss our times of happiness when we where young and everything but i seemd to have grown up and she hasnt so for this i say goodbye and i am sorry it didnt work out as we planned

Oh yeah i forget why im posted this i guess i need support or at least have somebody agree that this cannot go on please just give me your opinions

have you talked to her about how you feel, has she said why she is like this?

It could be that she is too young to feel 'sexy' people mature at different rates and some people dont feel ready for kissing and hugging boys till they are a bit older, could be she is just late developer. That would mean you could just wait fro her to get older.

Or it could be that she doesnt feel sexual attraction for you and views you as 'a brother' and so is not comfy kissing you.

Or it could be she is self consious about her technique or doing the wrong thing.

You need to find out from her why she is like this.

You must feel awful though and i send you lots of strength and support, I hope you either get her to be more affectionate or find soemone who will love you as you deserve to be loved.

*big hugs*

Yeah i will exsplain, Thanks for the hugs in going to need plenty

Well she is older than me and is "mature" i guess i mean how can she be shy when she has already slept with another boy? I mean she cant be that shy if she has slept with someone else but i dont care about that what gets me is how could she be so affectionate to him and yet be so dull around me when she has stated many many times that i am the best boyfreind she has ever had No i dont want to sleep with her or anything like that im talking about just very basic affection off her like a hug or somthing i mean is asking your GF to hug you more often greedy even though she doesnt hug me at all! unless i tell her to

And it's not as if she doesnt like being close becuase i ask her and she say she does! so why cant she get close to me when i try? It make no sense whatsoever and yet she says wants to be with me forever

Hey Mouldy, I think you're right on. A good, healthy relationship is reciprocal, and she's clearly not there for you. You seem like a nice, thoughtful, caring person and deserve better.

It's not a matter of why she can't meet you halfway anymore. You've given her a fair chance, you've tried to talk to her about how her behavior affects you, now it's time to let it go and move on.

It's hard to give up what's known, even when we know it sucks, and move into uncertainty and risk of rejection by other women you might find interesting, but it's true what they say: Time is the best healer. Just let this dead end go, give yourself time to become wholey yourself, and then explore your options. It's a damn big world, with a lot of interesting women in it, and there's just no sense in hanging on to dead weight.

You go...

There must be something she is not being open about. If she was affectionate with her previous boyfriend then that cuts out most 'excuses' for her lack of affection. I would recomend asking her if she only views you like a brother and not like a sexual partner.

It could be there is something she is not saying for example she could have been assulted or abused and its put her off. So question her further.

If I was you I would give her more time if she has had problems or is insecure/shy but end it if she views you platonically/brotherly. In the long run it will harm your self esteem to stay with her if she does not view you in a sexual way. Plenty of girls will view you in that way and it will make you happier to be viewed that way.

It really hurts breaking up to start with but it does fade with time and becomes easier, make sure to be kind to yourself and treat yourself to cheer yourself up.

*extra hugs*

Thank you so much, your both right how i should get out there and move on i guess i have been denying the obvious for too long now, it's time to give it up and accept that it's time to move on but 4 years with her i really did build up feelings for her now to just accept taht it's over will take time But yeah time is the best healer.

yeah well i never really looked at her as a sexual partner anyway becuase 4 years together and we still havent actually "kissed" y'know like french kissed or whatever it's called so i guess it's for the better and yes abuse definately crossed my mind but then she knows she could talk to me about it

It's OK to keep loving her, but not be with her. If you weren't a decent sort of guy, you wouldn't feel this way. But it's important to value and respect what you need, too. Love and tenderness always do us credit, but so does our intelligence. So when our wisdom says it's not a balanced, affirming relationship, we don't have to be mean and nasty to the other person, we can just wish them the best and move on.

Because we deserve to be cherished, too, in a way that we can receive.

Hey, I've BEEN THERE.

When I was younger I got used to the idea that no girl would want anything to do with me, so when I found "the one," I didn't ever want to give up on it. So we made from high school to college, and all it took was one other girl being nice to me to realize how messed up my relationship was. Hey, at least yours stood there like a plank. Mine screamed at me for one transgression or another, almost (if not always) on a daily basis.

So after six years, I said "enough." She'd threatened to leave me too many times to count, and I just reached a point I didn't care. Of course, she didn't WANT to leave me--I guess she had the same kind of issues I did, and the relationship was tightly codependent. So at its worst point (it never really ever seemed to get BETTER) I put on my shoes and got to steppin'.

I'm better off, too. After that I was with the same girl for--I dunno--about 5 years off-and-on. I left home to finish school out-of-state and had a BEAUTIFUL relationship with an upstate New York girl for 3 semesters and was really sad when I had to go home. Of course, I went back to my gf after school and we've been together a combined 10 years.

So hang in there. You're about to feel a LOT better.

I know that this is a bit off topic, but I have a friend who's like that. I ask her different questions, about many things. She just says, "Yup...okay." I play a variety of music and put in a different CD, every time she comes over. I turn on my CD player. "Yup...okay." When I'm hurting, she doesn't hug me, or comfort me. She just has a blank look, on her face.

I'm taking a break from her, tonight. I've unplugged my phone, and I'm going to listen to my music, until my early 8PM bedtime, because I work both jobs, tomorrow.

Well the good feelings better hurry up becuase if feel like crap at the moment I mean i havent even spoke to my GF about it yet the worst is yet to come

You know, I gotta wonder if maybe these women are a little Aspie... wouldn't that be the ultimate irony?

Or are they just maximally worn out, stressed out, and permanently dissociated?

Of course, right about now I'd be tickled to death to have some congenial person just go along with me for a while, instead of being everybody's 'project'. But that's a whole 'nother story.

Enjoy your evening Cockney.

Yeah it crossed my mind that maybe she aspie but aparrantly she is not

This really bugs me though how can she be so withdrawn from me when having been very intimate with her other BF's? but yet she says that im the best one she has ever had and never wants to leave me

What your real problem is...too many women, too little time. Move on to better fishing grounds...

I think it's probably more constructive to figure it's her problem, not yours. There's just no sexual chemistry from her side. No one's to blame, it's just one of those things. But dead horses don't cross the finish line...

Go get yourself a frisky little filly and frolic!

I'll be sure to bring good bait this time