Dating advice needed...please help (NT/AS)

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ktnt127
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24 Apr 2006, 8:28 am

I desperately need some advice. I recently started dating a guy who I am certain is somewhere on the spectrum (most likely AS - virtually every criteria that I have read about). We met online, and I suspected early on before I met him in person. We have great conversations online - and before we met in person, I read everything I could get my hands on about AS and HFA to better understand some of the challenges we might face. I don't know if he has been diagnosed - he's never said anything about it, but he is always asking about my thoughts and feelings and gets rather anxious when he doesn't know what I am feeling. So, we went on a couple of dates, and I really like him...

I thought things went very well, only to find out (during an IM conversation) after the last one that he was confused by some of my behavior (specifically smiling and laughing for reasons not apparent to him). For me, I was just happy to be with him and probably a little nervous. He also said that he likes me and wants to see me again, but doesn't want to be a bore to me. And finally, he said he was embarrassed about something that happened (something intimate). He is going through a difficult time, as well, losing his job and breaking up with his girlfriend of several years a few months ago.

So, now, I feel like my ignorance has ruined any chance I might have had. I am willing to do anything to try to make this work - I adore him. But, I don't know what to do next. I explained to him very honestly what I was thinking, and we will probably go out again, but I don't want to blow it again. Any advice that anyone could give would be so much appreciated.

Sorry for the long post - I just wanted to give enough background.

Thanks.



Aspie_Chav
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24 Apr 2006, 10:33 am

This is not the kind of problem that I am good at, but the other geeks will be very glad to help.



Aspie1
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24 Apr 2006, 11:01 am

ktnt127 wrote:
So, now, I feel like my ignorance has ruined any chance I might have had. I am willing to do anything to try to make this work - I adore him. But, I don't know what to do next. I explained to him very honestly what I was thinking, and we will probably go out again, but I don't want to blow it again.

To clear up any ambiguities in my post, I'm male.
Well, I don't think you ruined anything. Sure, you may have made a little mistake somewhere along the line, but that's not going to affect your chances. Most guys tend to be quite forgiving about small mistakes on the girl's part, so unless you hurt him outright, you have nothing to worry about. The next date, act like the mistake never happened. Since he said he didn't want to be a bore to you, ask him questions to give him a chance to talk, and act interested. If he doesn't have problems with being touched, touching a guy on the arm or the hand can go a long way.
Best of luck.



oboe
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29 Apr 2006, 10:22 pm

check your pm