Lovers or Best Friends- How do you tell the difference?

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Do you have difficulty telling close platonic relationships from sexual and/or romantic relationships?
Yes 24%  24%  [ 11 ]
Yes 24%  24%  [ 11 ]
No 11%  11%  [ 5 ]
No 11%  11%  [ 5 ]
Sometimes 15%  15%  [ 7 ]
Sometimes 15%  15%  [ 7 ]
Total votes : 46

Yupa
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26 Mar 2006, 12:56 pm

I've often found it difficult to tell whether two people who seem particularly close are best friends or whether they're lovers.
I often find myself attracted to someone and think to myself, "wait, is that person my crush is hanging around with so much a best friend, a lover, or what?"
There was one girl I knew at one point whom I considered approaching and asking about, but I avoided doing so on the suspicion that the girl she always hung around with and whom she claimed was her "best friend", was actually her lover. Even to this day, I'm still not sure what their exact relationship was.
There was another similar instance I encountered where a girl I was attracted to constantly talked to a particular boy I knew, asked him for advice, &tc. They, like the two I mentioned above, seemd particularly close. I wondered similar about them.
The thing is, you don't just ask someone. That would be rude. So how can you tell?



Aspie1
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26 Mar 2006, 1:36 pm

I usually assume that the two people are boyfriend and girlfriend, unless obvious signs tell me otherwise. For instance, if they don't have their arms around each other, if they don't hug or kiss the entire time they're together, or if they don't touch each other at all, then they're probably just friends. Otherwise, they're dating, and it's better to stay away.



Jack_O_Lantern
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26 Mar 2006, 1:49 pm

A lover gets naked with you. A friend doesn't.



Serissa
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26 Mar 2006, 2:17 pm

Jack_O_Lantern wrote:
A lover gets naked with you. A friend doesn't.


Excellent distinction.

I'd put it a bit more distinctly though.

Hug (or anything less)=friend
kiss on the mouth (or anything more)=lover
peck on the cheek=inappropriate everywhere but on a talk show

But that's just me.



ELLCIM
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26 Mar 2006, 7:03 pm

Serissa wrote:
Jack_O_Lantern wrote:
A lover gets naked with you. A friend doesn't.


Excellent distinction.

I'd put it a bit more distinctly though.

Hug (or anything less)=friend
kiss on the mouth (or anything more)=lover
peck on the cheek=inappropriate everywhere but on a talk show

But that's just me.


That's a little closer to the truth. I would imagine that lovers can do things "less" than kissing, such as touching each other's hair or holding hands.

Pecks on the cheek are very common in some cultures, particularly Latin American, French Canadian, and Italian. I see Latin Americans kiss each other that way in greeting at work - it's just part of their culture, as Latino friends of mine have explained to me.



ELLCIM
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26 Mar 2006, 11:35 pm

So far in my life, I've never been able to tell the difference. Maybe it is because if a man and woman are best friends, they sometimes grow a romantic relationship - and the woman's boyfriend is also her best friend. Those are probably the best relationships - until they fall apart.



skafather84
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26 Mar 2006, 11:50 pm

you know....i always have problems with this.....i can never tell some guys who take liberties and are just close friens and who actually are having relationships and who just has sex around or what.....definately has been a big point of frustration for me.



Yupa
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27 Mar 2006, 5:50 pm

ELLCIM wrote:
Maybe it is because if a man and woman are best friends, they sometimes grow a romantic relationship

Or a woman and a woman. Or a man and a man. It's a bit closed-minded to just assume that this topic refers exclusively to straight relationships.



Serissa
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27 Mar 2006, 8:56 pm

...and the day after I make that post my boyfriend kisses me on the cheek. :roll: :lol:



ELLCIM
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27 Mar 2006, 8:57 pm

Yupa wrote:
ELLCIM wrote:
Maybe it is because if a man and woman are best friends, they sometimes grow a romantic relationship

Or a woman and a woman. Or a man and a man. It's a bit closed-minded to just assume that this topic refers exclusively to straight relationships.


Oh, sorry, I wasn't "politically correct". :roll:

I'm a practicing Roman Catholic, and while I recognize the rights of same-sex couples to exist, I will refer to relationships as being between a man and a woman.



ELLCIM
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27 Mar 2006, 8:58 pm

Serissa wrote:
...and the day after I make that post my boyfriend kisses me on the cheek. :roll: :lol:


LOL.



KenM
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27 Mar 2006, 9:19 pm

I voted yes. If anyone wants to know why, see my post on here about mixed signals.
"I kissed you on the mouth, but I did not mean it THAT way."
"I know i invited you to sleep in my bed, and I slept right against youin nothing but my panites and one of your tshirts, but we are just friends." :roll:



ELLCIM
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27 Mar 2006, 9:21 pm

KenM wrote:
I voted yes. If anyone wants to know why, see my post on here about mixed signals.
"I kissed you on the mouth, but I did not mean it THAT way."
"I know i invited you to sleep in my bed, and I slept right against youin nothing but my panites and one of your tshirts, but we are just friends." :roll:


Uh-oh, the Political Correctness Police are going to get you. Be verrrrrry afraid! :lol:



MishLuvsHer2Boys
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28 Mar 2006, 7:52 am

This is one thing I voted no on primarily because the majority of time I kinda well don't notice things like that when looking at people, I tend to assume friendship anyways if two people are together and not openly holding hands or kissing on lips. It's not something I tend to think about much or analyze. Lovers can be best friends but they have a more distinct difference than simply best friends due to the intimacy/sexual thing. I don't assume relationships between people till they tell me otherwise...



EGMaria2004
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08 Apr 2006, 7:42 am

I didn't vote because i don't really know where i fit. I can usually figure out if people are dating or not. But i'm just kind of oblivious and don't really notice. I've been called stuck up because i don't notice people when others say they were "hitting on" me.



TigerFire
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08 Apr 2006, 11:39 am

Jack_O_Lantern wrote:
A lover gets naked with you. A friend doesn't.


Yeah that would be a really great lover that knows all about you and a normal friend wouldn't even dare. You'll probably lose that friend if you asked that question about jumping in the bed with you. I've scared many friends that I've confused with being my lover when actually they didn't love me the same way.


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