im throwing away my low-self esteem

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-note that i take a while to get to the point, although all of this is relavant, so this story may at first seem like it doesnt belong in this section, also if you feel this doesnt apply to you, this isnt aimed at everyone here at all-

since i started on this site, every aspect of the problems caused by my AS has improved significantly, and love is not different.

Before i came here, everyone at my school treated me like i was a counterfit human being, and eventualy i ended up believing them. i mean, if that perspective is drilled into you by everyone you meet, who can blame you for not being able to get it out?

but anyway after a while of being here i learnt that one thing that pushes not just girls, but everyone away from me, even my closest freinds. So i made a choice. I lied. I lied to myself and said "i have confidence". i chose to believe, even if it wasnt true. thats all.
I made it point to tinker with that lie until it became truth, i stopped accepting people treating me as degenerate, or more importantly, i stopped treating myself as degenerate. eventualy i became (mentaly) strong again. i could rely on myself, and others could even rely on me. one thing that i did to help was take martial arts; my freinds were always picked on by older kids in year 11, they were always robbed and every time they gave over their money in school and out of school. one of my closest freinds is bi-sexual, so he was always heckled at school because he "liked boys". i just thought "no more". i told anyone who confronted us that we didnt have anything for them. eventualy it got me into a fight with someone bigger and stronger than me, i couldnt fight him, i just stood there and endured his punches for the sake of my freinds (who thankfully got away before) until he just stopped, and thankfully i was still in reasonable shape.

i prevented this from happening to me freinds. on my own, i ended this for them. Myself, a person who i believed whole-heartedly to be a second class human compared to everyone else, could at least stop torment for others, and moreover they could rely on me.
that was one very large factor in taking back my confidence.

before this i believed girls were out of the question for me. i couldnt even start a simple conversation without fear of ridicule.

this isn't a success story.

i havent accutaly had a girlfreind since i was 11 (which i am not counting to be a serious relationship at all obviously). But. i've still come a long, long way in the past year or so.

Heres my point. This is mainly aimed at the guys here. lots and lots of people here have horrible self esteem, like i had (i really apologise if im acting superior, because im not) but the very omportant thing is to just STOP believing that the slander and bullcrap about yourself is true, if that be the case. none of us here have any less potential than anyone else at becoming successful in a relationship than an NT or anyone at all. keyword here being potential. no matter what situation you guys are in, YOU are the one that will be responsible for putting the key in the ignition and making it for yourselves.

thats why im declaring right here in writing, that im sick of living only to curse myself. im ripping out that useless sense of low self esteem right now, and throwing it in a dumpster. its gotten really old and rotten now.

i havent fully succeded in all my relationship plans right now, but i believe i am on the way there.

my wish, other than to see my dreams of being in a loving relationship fulfilled is to drag to walk ANYONE who is in the same position as i was out of that hell. other than just not helping at all in relationships, just living and only cursing yourself isnt a fun way to live life.

im not exactly cassanova, but i have this advice for people with horrible self esteem: declare to yourself now "i have the confidence". and thats it. imagine how wonderfull it would be to cast off all self-doubt and feel equal with everyone else. keep that feeling in your head and thats it. dont worry about how you will attain that confidence, just imagine how it would feel, and keep it clear in your head that you will get it. thats how you achieve anything in life, or at least thats what i've found.

im not saying go through the exact experience i did, but all you have to do is get yourself to believe you have confidence in yourself "the brave are only so because they believe they are".

or maybe thats just my experience talking. its just how i got through my self esteem crisis, and all i want is to help anyone who is in this predicament get out of it.

You are truly an inspiration to a lot of people on here.