partners with any kind of mental or physical problem

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do you think it would make someone a bad person for going out with someone initialy because they have some sort of problem, perhapes something similar to AS that serves as big a problem in someones life. i know that sounds strange but hear me out.

i dont mean intentionaly going out and looking for this kind of person because of some kind of personal preference. i mean because of my AS, would it be a bad thing to try a relationship with someone who had a similar struggle to me in life, just so that we could relate? i know a lot of people do this for the wrong reasons. its not because i think it would be easier for them to like me or something, in fact the reverse might even hold true; they could just have a chip on their shoulder and think i were patronising them. i also think i should point out that im not doing it because i think im helping them or something, if someone said they were going out with my because they wanted to "help" me as an individual with AS i dont think i'd want to talk to them again, and im sure the same would hold true with a lot of people.

point is, its not like i would never go out with anyone who has never had any kind of problems that have hindered them in life like AS (although i understand AS isnt some firey pit of doom and gloom and evil ) but i just thought i would probably want to be with someone who had faced social problems because of some kind of condition so that we can both relate to each other in this way at least. although at the moment im not actively looking for anyone, and i'd never just go out looking for said people. its just, something i thought might be a good idea, if i can relate to a person in that way.

problem is i keep questioning myself with the line: "do i want a relationship with someone i can relate to or am i just a manipulative patronising jerk", is it ok to want to be in a relationship with someone like this just because? i want to stress that i dont see myself as a "helper" or something.

somehow i feel i've just written something verrrrrrry offensive and predudiced...i still need the question answered, even if i am gonna take a huge bashing for this.

Last edited by right-hand-child on 13 Jul 2010, 2:45 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I do NOT think there is anything wrong with that as long as you are NOT trying to manipulate em, take advantage of em, or use em. If you've been fallowing my post; you'd know have some some mental & psychical things myself besides AS. I'd totally be willing to date someone with sever mental & psychical problems but I'd be willing to date someone who who's normal & does not have anything wrong with em. I don't stand a chance with normal people thou because they tend to look down on me. I think they would like me if they gave me a chance because I have a lot of good characteristics & I tend to think that there is no such thing as a perfect person. If you find somone with a mental or psychical thing who you like & seems to like you; go for it. I can give you some sites if you want.

I'm familiar with a girl a lot older than I am who has the strangest tendency to select "damaged goods." Literally. Dudes who were physically and emotionally abused as children with peculiar tendencies as adults.. one such guy (her current boyfriend) became a freestyle fighter. [unrelated]He also has a rice cooker.[/unrelated]
I don't think I intentionally seek out people who have problems.. It's just so easy for me to find them

I don't feel like there's anything wrong with wanting someone who has faced similar issues as you, but it can hurt your chances at dating if you limit yourself only to those people. I (by accident) dated a guy with a physical problem and possibly AS (I have both as well). But I didn't know all that in the beginning and wasn't looking for it, it just happened.

Sometimes people with similar things can better relate & help each other. I think a serious relationship should involve supporting & helping each other true problems. Only an extremely small percent of women have AS & vision problems so I'm not going to limit myself to that. If by some miracle I wer to meet someone with a problem who was interested; I'd look at the whole person & situation. If it's something I think I could handle; I'd give em a shot. I'm NOT perfect either

It looks like you've really thought this through and very honestly have no intention of being exploitative or patronising. Your heart is in the right place. I do not think you are a jerk at all. I think you want a kindred spirit for mutual understanding of each other. It sounds just fine to me.

thanks

i thought a lot of people might take this the wrong way or something. and i usualy think through...well...just about everything this thoroughly (sometimes even more)...and sometimes it can cause me a few problems, but it helps a lot to just stop and think about the reasons behind something if you have the time. thats what true scientists do . unfortunately, if i had to pick one thing that was the total opposite to logic and cold science, it would be relationships (the science of them however is a completely different matter )

still, if i liked someone i dont think anything would hold me back from just talking to them or something and i geuss i'd just take it from there

...i swear to god im the only person i know who can write about two paragraphs just to say a simple "thank you"

but seriously thanks for understanding

I agree with most people, if you're not trying to be manipulative and you're just looking for someone who will understand you, then there's nothing wrong with that...

my current girlfriend and I got along great before I told her about my AS, but then she told me about her OCD, GAD, Bipolar II, and Depression. So not exactly the same but we both sort of know what each other is going through...

For those of you who want to date, I strongly recommend avoiding manic depressives.

I actually get along better with em but when I was suffering a sever psychotic depression; I resembled those synonyms & I was a member of a bipolar support group for a while so I can better deal with it than some can. I like talking about & analyzing personal issues a lot. Some people are pretty stable on the rite meds, I'd avoid people with drug & alcohol addictions. It could get you in some serious financial & maybe even legal trouble. If they do not want to quit; there is very little you can do to help & it totally sux watching someone screw themselves up when there is nothing you can do to help

I can't f*****g stand manic depressives. Probably because my mother was one.

They are the sort of people who can only focus on your negatives and only care about themselves and whatever crap they are feeling at the moment.

Some of the ones I've met wer really great people who wer having problems because of the stigma & others not giving em a chance. I think a lot of Apsies can relate to people misjudging us on a stereotype disorder. I think I can understand why you mite have a bad opinion of manic-depressives because of problems with your mom but keep in mind that NOT all manic-depressives are the same just like NOT all Aspies are the same. Some Aspies can be quite functional & have very few problems & it's like that for manic-depressives & other disorders/problems.

Honestly, part of what sold me on my most recent ex was that she was hearing disabled (she wears hearing aids).

thanks but i'll judge them based on the individual case. ive met some really wonderfull people (well one) who was a "manic depressive".

although i can see what your saying, people all get selfish when they're low down. i geuss the problem is that (although to an extent this would be true normaly) when people are really depressed, they expect and im some cases demand that their partners cheer them up. i wouldnt mind doing this to an extent like i said, but if they were the kind of person who is always selfish like that, and not even worth knowing when they were at their best, then i geuss it would become emotionaly draining.

i dunno, ive never been in an actual non-freind relationship with such people.

I suggest avoiding manic depressives, who only focus on themselves and focus too much on the negatives; borderline personality disorder girls who are too manipulative; anyone with multiple personality disorders (there use to be a moderator here who has that); and girls who are neurotic, they cause way too many problem over stupid s**t.

dont worry. i wouldnt want to be in a relationship with anyone who causes said problems, mainly if they were manipulative, and due me being self concious about the way others treat me because of my AS, i think i can tell when someone is being manipulative. other than that, if something about anyone really annoyed me then i wouldnt want to go out with them just because of their disorder, or for that matter if anyone at all had too many bad qualities, i wouldnt put myself in a relationship that caused problems.

that said, not like it's completely up to me but thats another discussion althogether.