Why 'just friends' is important

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Really, if you want to look for women to date you should have some female friends that really are just friends. Even a**hole players.

What I'm saying is don't ignore a girl just because she friend zoned you. Instead, actually try to collect some of these girls as actual friends and you will look more like a datable option.

Not that this is easy, either. It can be hard to convince a woman that you really just want to be friends.

I have female friends or at least women I often talk to. Except one AS women, they are all NT. In the past I don't even want to be friends, after her rejection. In the past girls often get very angry or tend to harass me, after I rejected them.

You're bound to have feminists coming in here with comments that amount to "how could you do something so manipulative as collecting people, girls aren't items to collect, bla bla".

Ignore them. Those types will get you nowhere fast when it comes to dating.

The advice given by the OP is golden, and if anyone wants to see the science behind it look up "Social Proof".

I am one of the 'women aren't objects to collect' types, but I totally understand what GoatOnFire is saying (I don't think that's what he meant) and agree that you should have women as friends. You come off better and chances are you'll enjoy/benefit from a female friend anyway.

But don't feel obligated to be friends with someone if you genuinely don't want to. But if you were interested in dating her in the first place, it would make sense that you would want her as a friend. I've been in one instance where I told a former boyfriend I didn't want to be hang-out buddies with him (upon his asking) for reasons I won't bother explaining. I've had the same thing said to me and it was okay. But both of those were breakups and not rejections, so I guess that's different...nevermind....

Of course it's not. But think how many rabid females are out there waiting to twist the hell out of this thread to make it seem like that's what he meant.

I totally agree with the OP. Ever notice how many girls come out of the wood work when you've already got a girlfriend? I started having a serious relationship with someone online. Then all these other girls started sending me pictures and, wanting to talk to me. When it rains it poors.

I think I was a bit hasty writing the opener. I meant to put more about why women would be more at ease with a guy who has female friends that aren't more than friends although I am having a writing block about how to express that at the moment. What don't get is I never mentioned the word 'objects.'

Though technically speaking, depending on which definition of the word 'object' we are talking about, it would not be incorrect to view women or people as objects, somebody is inferring something. That's not the point I was making, though.

I was trying to say that even if you are rejected by a woman, it doesn't necessarily mean you can't be her friend and learn about women and possibly be introduced to a different, more compatible woman friend of hers by her. In basic terms, if she still wants to be a friend, I'm saying it's stupid to throw that away because she won't f**k you.

I completely agree (and yes, I'm female).

If your friends actually are "friends" (that is, you genuinely enjoy each other's company), having many (of both genders) is a good idea.

I agree with this. If you are mature and secure enough to be happy to females when you know they're only friends, and you're cool with that, that's the mark of a good catch.

When it comes to friendship or working together, i really cannot give a flying s**t about the gender of a person.

The important thing is that you get along together, and when it comes to (specifically) friendship, you have to be clear from the start what you are after. I guess most NT guys do not say what they want from the beginning and that could be the source of many problems "Why doesnt he love me " *cry*cry* (blah bla bla).

However, if i went out on a date with the specific intent of getting into a love/sex relationship (i.e. we were not hanging out together as friends before and suddenly went out on a datelike situation), and the girl said "Just friends" - i'd never contact her again. She probably just want free IT support anyway...

Friends are friends, dates are not.

I agree.....it's best to get used to the opposite sex as friends. I can't do much else at the moment, being out of circulation and decidedly against starting a relationship with anybody.....it looks like it's going to be that way for a long time. One of my biggest fears is that the women I associate with might get attracted and not say so.....I'm so used to assuming they won't, but I've felt that way about practically every partner I've had, before it became sexual, and was proved wrong every time, so I guess I'm pretty much blind to whether or not they fancy me. I can barely bring myself not to be warm to people or to dismiss the stuff they care about. I basically just enjoy being a loving guy. I really don't know what I'd do that would be much different if I were going after a relationship with one of them, apart from keeping the time with them a bit more limited, keeping the kissing and cuddling to the usual platonic norm, and not coming on to them, directly or indirectly. There's a huge grey area and that's the source of a lot of confusion for me. How interested can you become in somebody before you're stepping over the line?

What's nice about getting used to platonic friends is that it probably makes it easier to accept that a partner can still spend time with the opposite sex without it meaning anything dodgy is going on. I think if you've never known the "just friends" thing, it's hard to believe it's possible, because every member of the opposite sex has always been seen as a potential partner, so it always looks "fishy" to see males and females just being friendly towards each other.

Not really. Another feminist here and I agree completely with Goat.

A good way to tell if a guy is an a**hole (dating-wise) or not is whether he is able to treat women as people. Having female friends without constantly trying to get in their pants is usually a good sign.


That's a really really good point.

Forget I even said anything. My past experiences with feminists seems to have jaded me.

Friends are pretty good in their own right.

Most of my good friends are female anyways. & i have 4 sisters. I guess i'm off to a good start .

Though another good reason to have lady friends that just friends is that you can ask them for advice on stuff. Like when i was having problems, or needed an opinion on what clothes looked good on me, or even when i was frustrated and single and just needed some insight on some things i may have been doing wrong in attempting to attract the ladies (back before i had a girlfriend of course, i'm happily taken these days ), though yeah, for those kind of things, lady friends are just downright awesome

i definitely agree on the merits of having women that are only friends... but the problem comes when all women you meet only want to be friends...