Are there ANY over-25 virgins on Wrong Planet? Or just me?

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Mark198423
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20 Jul 2010, 6:40 am

CrinklyCrustacean wrote:
Mark198423 wrote:
It took 10 years of waiting before meeting my ex and her instigating a relationship with me and could easily have been longer had I not gone to that birthday party where I met her.
If you have possitive contact and think she likes you then there's no better time to 'bite the bullet'.


I know where you're coming from, but presumably you were interested in her too? That's the crunch point for me. If I'm not interested I won't go out with them, which is what Hector seems to imply I should do. I mean...that's just common sense on my part, no? Of course if I'm interested in her then I should do something - that's a totally reasonable thing to suggest. :) Since you mentioned coffee, is inviting a girl out to coffee always seen as a date or does it depend on how you ask? If a girl invited me to coffee I'd assume she wanted to know me better but I probably wouldn't consider romantic connotations unless she was obviously hitting on me.

Sorry again for my bluntness - I'm not trying to be rude.


I'm the wrong person to answer that question as the only 'dates' I've ever had were with my ex and after a few we were together and aftet that time I think it can be more blurred as to whether you're on a date together or just hanging out with your girlfriend?!?! I was directing my reply to the OP, who had mentioned going for coffee. I'm not very good at actually doing what I've suggested either, I can just see it's neccessary!



CrinklyCrustacean
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20 Jul 2010, 6:44 am

Mark198423 wrote:
I'm the wrong person to answer that question as the only 'dates' I've ever had were with my ex and after a few we were together and aftet that time I think it can be more blurred as to whether you're on a date together or just hanging out with your girlfriend?!?! I was directing my reply to the OP, who had mentioned going for coffee. I'm not very good at actually doing what I've suggested either, I can just see it's neccessary!

Lol! Okay, fair enough! :D



Adam82
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20 Jul 2010, 8:03 am

CrinklyCrustacean wrote:
Hector wrote:
I think you should work on that, if possible. If not then that tendency may prove itself to be a handicap, if it hasn't already.


How? I can't help whom I like. It's not like a job application where you apply to anything and everything just to get something and then work towards a bigger goal. I'm not going to date someone I'm not interested in just for the sake of having a date - that to me is a waste of time and only leads them on. In any case, if there's no mutual romantic interest then it's just platonic socialising. It's not a date to me. I can't pretend to fancy someone "just in case".

Sorry if this comes off a bit harsh; I know you mean well but comments like these really irk me. They imply I should be able to turn my attraction towards someone on and off like a switch. Unfortunately emotions don't always work like that. Have I misunderstood you?


Totally agree with this post. You can't just switch off your emotions. Maybe some people can, but I can't. I don't understand people who treat love like a series of job applications. Just apply for anything, ANY job will do. It doesn't work the same way with people. I want someone special, not just an equivalent of a casual or temp job.



Hector
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20 Jul 2010, 8:04 am

CrinklyCrustacean wrote:
Hector wrote:
I think you should work on that, if possible. If not then that tendency may prove itself to be a handicap, if it hasn't already.


How? I can't help whom I like. It's not like a job application where you apply to anything and everything just to get something and then work towards a bigger goal. I'm not going to date someone I'm not interested in just for the sake of having a date - that to me is a waste of time and only leads them on. In any case, if there's no mutual romantic interest then it's just platonic socialising. It's not a date to me. I can't pretend to fancy someone "just in case".

Sorry if this comes off a bit harsh; I know you mean well but comments like these really irk me. They imply I should be able to turn my attraction towards someone on and off like a switch. Unfortunately emotions don't always work like that. Have I misunderstood you?

I wouldn't advocate dating people you absolutely, totally aren't interested in. For whatever other reasons there may be not to do this, it's hard on the other person's feelings. If you can see yourself being intimate with these people and are at least marginally interested in them as ends in themselves, that's good enough to start with.

I don't know you and don't know how you've come to the conclusion that you are only interested in one person at a time. All I can add is that there are two categories of feeling I can kind of relate to myself that, if you fall under them, then unless you don't mind being single you should maybe try to relax and see if you can open up a little. The first is having a lot of self-imposed restrictions on what kinds of women are worth seeing, for example ruling a girl off as no longer attractive if (say) she's not Christian, didn't do well in school, or if she voted for a political party you don't support. A peculiar special case of this would be a rule like "I must only be interested in one person at a time". The second is letting every feeling of romantic interest turn into a very focused obsession. If on the other hand you don't fall under either of these criteria, and instead have observed that throughout your life you have only ever been at all interested in at most one person at any given time, then I don't know what to suggest.



Last edited by Hector on 20 Jul 2010, 8:07 am, edited 1 time in total.

Northeastern292
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20 Jul 2010, 8:05 am

I wouldn't know. I'm 19. :P



Adam82
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20 Jul 2010, 5:22 pm

Slipperman wrote:
30, still a virgin, never even had a real girlfriend, and probably never will. :cry:

Tim (aka the Slipperman)


I'm sorry man :cry:

I'll probably be joining you in that position in just over two years... :cry:



RICKY5
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20 Jul 2010, 8:31 pm

Adam82 wrote:
Slipperman wrote:
30, still a virgin, never even had a real girlfriend, and probably never will. :cry:

Tim (aka the Slipperman)


I'm sorry man :cry:

I'll probably be joining you in that position in just over two years... :cry:


Dear Jeebus man! Read Roissy's blog and stop pedestaling.



Adam82
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21 Jul 2010, 5:27 am

Pedestaling? Ricky, man, I am sure you have been hurt before and that is why you now possess a heart of stone :wink: , but women do differ from each other. They are not all the same; and out to get you or cause you harm. You just have to meet the right one. Not that I can say much about this, of course. Still waiting...



n4mwd
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21 Jul 2010, 2:22 pm

Adam82 wrote:
Oh, she is beautiful. I told her this. See, the only problem is that we met at work, and its temp work, and our contract ended last Thursday. So I no longer have the opportunity to see her every day. That makes things a lot harder. I have her email address (she gave it to me, I didn't stalk her on Facebook). I asked her out via Hotmail, and she replied she'd love to do something sometime. I just need to make sure it actually happens. All I want to do is email her every day, and just tell her I really care about her, but that would be creepy. So I haven't done that.

There may be more work coming up, but not til November. That's too long! I can't wait til then :cry: Four months! I gotta do something. Who knows what may happen in her life between now and November? :cry:

See, I just don't get NTs, like the guy you mentioned above. It seems so easy for them to get a girl to like them.


The NT guy I mentioned that I worked with was, IMHO, pretty [email protected] ugly too. I totally just stood there with my mouth hanging open. I never understood it. My theory is that the fat girl probably didn't get a lot of compliments. Especially about her big @ss.

Anyhow, in your case, if you have her email address, get her phone number. Call her and ask her if she would like to get coffee or go watch a DVD together. The DVD thing applies if one of you had a private place to watch it. If either of you still live with parents, then its best to find a private place. Or just go to the theater.

But before anybody does anything, they need to figure out exactly what it is that they want. If all they want is sex, then a prostitute is the easiest. There is usually a drunk chick at a bar that is willing too. If you think you might want kids, then you'll need a long term relationship. I know that some guys, usually very good looking, have had success with online dating sites, but in my own experience, I have only had luck with in person meetups such as church, school or work.

A word of warning - the older you get, the LESS likely you are to find a single girl. Most have married by the time they are 30. After 30, they get uglier and pretty much the only unmarried girls out there are divorcees and single moms. I hope that doesn't send anyone into a state of depression, but if it is important to you, then you need to get out to anywhere where there are people and start looking around - church, malls, college, libraries - even bars if that is where you like to hang out. Look for a girl you can be attracted to and watch her eyes for contact. If she looks at you and smiles, it might be an opening to start a conversation.



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21 Jul 2010, 2:55 pm

n4mwd wrote:
Adam82 wrote:
Oh, she is beautiful. I told her this. See, the only problem is that we met at work, and its temp work, and our contract ended last Thursday. So I no longer have the opportunity to see her every day. That makes things a lot harder. I have her email address (she gave it to me, I didn't stalk her on Facebook). I asked her out via Hotmail, and she replied she'd love to do something sometime. I just need to make sure it actually happens. All I want to do is email her every day, and just tell her I really care about her, but that would be creepy. So I haven't done that.

There may be more work coming up, but not til November. That's too long! I can't wait til then :cry: Four months! I gotta do something. Who knows what may happen in her life between now and November? :cry:

See, I just don't get NTs, like the guy you mentioned above. It seems so easy for them to get a girl to like them.


A word of warning - the older you get, the LESS likely you are to find a single girl. Most have married by the time they are 30. After 30, they get uglier and pretty much the only unmarried girls out there are divorcees and single moms.


I think it's easier for older guys to find a woman because younger women tend to like guys who are a lot older than em. Also the older single women may be more interested in a guy who treats em rite instead of the shallow superficial stuff because they've been in bad relationships before & learned & matured. Plus older women tend to be more desperate(for lack of a better world here). I think it would be much easier for me to find someone if I was 37 instead of 27.


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21 Jul 2010, 3:59 pm

Really? I always considered 27 to be the sweet spot when it came to ages. If I were offered eternal life and youth, I'd probably want to it come when I was 27.


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21 Jul 2010, 4:39 pm

Adam82 wrote:
Pedestaling? Ricky, man, I am sure you have been hurt before and that is why you now possess a heart of stone :wink: , but women do differ from each other. They are not all the same; and out to get you or cause you harm. You just have to meet the right one. Not that I can say much about this, of course. Still waiting...


Hypergamy (google it!) is a fact of dating life. It may be ugly, vicious, and shallow but it is something real that you can account for. I've had some pretty vicious rejections before but I know why they happened and once you realize the rather ugly dynamics between human pair bonding you really don't see a point to sacrificing your own enjoyment for the sake of someone who ultimately won't appreciate it.



n4mwd
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21 Jul 2010, 7:49 pm

Hypergamy: The tendency for females to seek male suitors that are comparatively older, wealthier or otherwise more privileged than themselves.

Synonym: Gold-digger



n4mwd
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21 Jul 2010, 8:00 pm

nick007 wrote:
I think it's easier for older guys to find a woman because younger women tend to like guys who are a lot older than em. Also the older single women may be more interested in a guy who treats em rite instead of the shallow superficial stuff because they've been in bad relationships before & learned & matured. Plus older women tend to be more desperate(for lack of a better world here). I think it would be much easier for me to find someone if I was 37 instead of 27.


Try to also consider the fact that at age 37, YOU will be uglier too - and less attractive to women.



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21 Jul 2010, 8:02 pm

Your kind a is a dime a dozen here. I'll probably be in that category in 3 years. Nevertheless your story sounds like typical Asperger romance. You have no idea how to meet girls but you like one you work with because that's the only place where you have to interact with girls and since you are forced to talk, eventually you'll develop feelings. I've been there but have never capitalized on it because I believe going out with someone you work with is a very bad idea. That's just how I feel. Nevertheless it doesn't stop me from liking a couple girls and wishing I could be with them.


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