Is a gf the answer to my problems?

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jc6chan
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20 Jul 2010, 8:52 pm

So I've always had issues and problems in my life. The problem is that I'm a person who doesn't like to open up, not even to my parents. The only "person" I would talk about my problems to is God.

Then yesterday or something, I suddenly had this thought in my mind. Maybe I need a soulmate (of course a trusted one) so the two of us could have conversations about our issues. Of course that won't be all we would talk about. It is interesting because I never thought of that before in my life. I always pictured people getting bfs/gfs just to hug and kiss each other and get intimate and talk about complicated stuff. So is this one of the reasons why people get a bf/gf?

Just a thought I had.



book_noodles
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20 Jul 2010, 9:08 pm

Absolutely...


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Prksrbrt
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20 Jul 2010, 9:10 pm

When I was younger I didn't understand what was the big deal with relationships and I saw them as pointless because they all end. Then I met the girl who is my GF now, and it did change a bit, I now have someone to talk to about my life and since meeting her (since she has Aspergers) I have begun to understand myself more, didn't know about Asperger;s before her, I always just thought I was weird or an alien. All in all though it makes it easier since she has Asperger's because I can relate what has happened and she understands how stressful something is.



techstepgenr8tion
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20 Jul 2010, 9:29 pm

All I have to say is what you want is something most people never find in their lifetimes. I'd say pray - daily, diligently, it may take years. The game of numbers won't bring anything like that around.



jc6chan
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20 Jul 2010, 9:31 pm

Hmm...but then there is no reason why I would be comfortable with opening up to a gf if I can't do it with other people.



Adam82
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20 Jul 2010, 9:44 pm

Prksrbrt wrote:
When I was younger I didn't understand what was the big deal with relationships and I saw them as pointless because they all end. Then I met the girl who is my GF now, and it did change a bit, I now have someone to talk to about my life and since meeting her (since she has Aspergers) I have begun to understand myself more, didn't know about Asperger;s before her, I always just thought I was weird or an alien. All in all though it makes it easier since she has Asperger's because I can relate what has happened and she understands how stressful something is.


I know what you mean. I still feel like this. :( I'm happy you've met somebody that helped to change your mind! :)

I've never had a GF, and maybe it will solve, if not ALL, but SOME of my problems. Just waiting for the right person, who understands me...



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20 Jul 2010, 11:02 pm

It doesn't solve anything. Women take smelly sh*ts like anyone else. They aren't goddesses or cure-alls. Movies misrepresent what women and relationships are really like. Just get an escort...she'll demistify sex for you and listen to all of your problems and pretend to care.



Prksrbrt
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20 Jul 2010, 11:07 pm

Adam82 thanks for the comment, and I'm certain you will find someone who makes all the stuff you've done in your life make total sense.



Blasty
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21 Jul 2010, 1:10 am

A girlfriend will not magically solve your problems, but having a companion can make your life better so your problems might not be so daunting. That's what I've found.

As for the problem of not being able to share your deep thoughts, personal stuff, etc. A loving girlfriend is a great person to talk to about these things.

Of course, a relationship brings its own problems, but if you two really honestly care for each other, they can be quite easily dealt with when they arise.

I say definitely go for it; find someone to share your life with. :D techstepgeneration is absolutely right, though, a true companion isn't someone you're likely to find right off the bat. Perhaps you can play the dating game a little bit to help your confidence. If you don't find the right person in that process, don't give up. In many cases, including my own, the perfect girl just happens into your life without you looking for her. If you're like many of us who don't get out much, forcing yourself to broaden your horizons a bit at a time will increase your chances of this happening.

You mentioned confiding your problems in God. I'm not a religious person myself, but I've heard from others that church functions where young people gather are potential meeting places.



The_Face_of_Boo
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21 Jul 2010, 2:37 am

Me not having a gf till this age is just the consequence of my issues( social ineptness, being overparented, no friends,lifestyle...etc) and not the cause of those issues. I am not sure about you but you have to consider this possibility.



Moog
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21 Jul 2010, 5:17 am

It's wonderful to have someone to talk to who gets you.

It's never a cure all, though. Some of your problems might go away, but then there's always new ones.


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Adam82
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21 Jul 2010, 6:24 am

Prksrbrt wrote:
Adam82 thanks for the comment, and I'm certain you will find someone who makes all the stuff you've done in your life make total sense.


You're welcome.

And I hope you're right. Nothing would make me happier than believing in love again. Your other problems will still be there, but if you have a really good strong relationship, you can work through them together.



b9
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21 Jul 2010, 6:50 am

once i was in a dilemma at the table at the tavern while waiting for my meal to be cooked.

i had a problem. there was a clue that i needed to solve in the cryptic crossword puzzle.

it was 13 down. the clue was "gee! in real life, the negative is in what the chips are saying for his S.O"

when i got "girlfriend", my problem was solved.



Northeastern292
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21 Jul 2010, 10:20 am

Blasty wrote:
A girlfriend will not magically solve your problems, but having a companion can make your life better so your problems might not be so daunting. That's what I've found.

As for the problem of not being able to share your deep thoughts, personal stuff, etc. A loving girlfriend is a great person to talk to about these things.

Of course, a relationship brings its own problems, but if you two really honestly care for each other, they can be quite easily dealt with when they arise.

I say definitely go for it; find someone to share your life with. :D techstepgeneration is absolutely right, though, a true companion isn't someone you're likely to find right off the bat. Perhaps you can play the dating game a little bit to help your confidence. If you don't find the right person in that process, don't give up. In many cases, including my own, the perfect girl just happens into your life without you looking for her. If you're like many of us who don't get out much, forcing yourself to broaden your horizons a bit at a time will increase your chances of this happening.

You mentioned confiding your problems in God. I'm not a religious person myself, but I've heard from others that church functions where young people gather are potential meeting places.


Agreed. But do get out and hang out with people as often as you can. That's what's helped me in the long run.



billsmithglendale
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21 Jul 2010, 10:35 am

jc6chan wrote:
So I've always had issues and problems in my life. The problem is that I'm a person who doesn't like to open up, not even to my parents. The only "person" I would talk about my problems to is God.

Then yesterday or something, I suddenly had this thought in my mind. Maybe I need a soulmate (of course a trusted one) so the two of us could have conversations about our issues. Of course that won't be all we would talk about. It is interesting because I never thought of that before in my life. I always pictured people getting bfs/gfs just to hug and kiss each other and get intimate and talk about complicated stuff. So is this one of the reasons why people get a bf/gf?

Just a thought I had.


Yes, it's one reason. As said by others in another thread here, there are different levels of relationships, and to set your expectations, I wouldn't assume that every relationship, or even your first, is going to be the "best friend/soulmate" kind.

Just like the oldie classic, "You gotta shop around," don't get sold on the very first one. It's really going to be a trial and error process -- you will probably really feel like you are in love with the first one, but in hindsight, you will see other things were masquerading as love. Relationships can be about sex, status, boredom (both of you are looking for something to do with your time), love, or all of the above.

That being said, yes, a soulmate is the kind of person you can tell almost anything to, that you can open up to. It's a load off of your mind, but beware who you are this open with. Make sure it is someone you REALLY know you are going to spend the rest of your life with.

EDIT -- the other good thing that comes out of any relationship that gets physical, at least for me, is a boost in self-esteem. Once I was getting "intimate" on a regular basis, my self esteem shot through the roof and I became a lot more relaxed. Just something to think about.



astaut
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21 Jul 2010, 3:21 pm

jc6chan wrote:
So I've always had issues and problems in my life. The problem is that I'm a person who doesn't like to open up, not even to my parents. The only "person" I would talk about my problems to is God.

Then yesterday or something, I suddenly had this thought in my mind. Maybe I need a soulmate (of course a trusted one) so the two of us could have conversations about our issues. Of course that won't be all we would talk about. It is interesting because I never thought of that before in my life. I always pictured people getting bfs/gfs just to hug and kiss each other and get intimate and talk about complicated stuff. So is this one of the reasons why people get a bf/gf?

Just a thought I had.


I don't think you should go looking for a relationship if you were doing okay without one in the first place, but if a girl comes along that you like...sure, go for it. IMO, usually when people go looking for a relationship it takes a lot longer to get to the right person. But that's just my opinion.

As for why people date, there are a million reasons. When I was growing up I knew plenty who only dated to look for potentional marriage partners. Now I know people who only date to look for potentional sexual partners. Most of the girls I know date because they're 'lonely' or just want someone to hang around with. I've dated in the past because I wanted to enjoy both the physical part of the relationship along with the talking about stuff, but I've also dated only for the hell of it.

I think if you want someone to talk about stuff with, it wouldn't hurt to do that with someone you already feel comfortable around. And if you want a relationship you can go from there. I wouldn't start a relationship just to have someone to 'open up' to, because that can backfire. People can get angry if the relationship doesn't go their way and talk about you, etc. This has happened to me and my friends as well.


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