Are there ANY over-25 virgins on Wrong Planet? Or just me?

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Adam82
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18 Jul 2010, 12:58 am

Am I the only one? I used to think that all Aspies were late starters in relationships. But apparently, its just me. I've never had a girlfriend, never been kissed, only ever hugged a girl. It's partially because I'm just shy, have poor self-esteem, and have no idea what to say to girls; and partially because I've just surrendered to it, and said 'Just wait your turn, there's no rush. Wait for the right person to come along that loves you as much as you do them'.

So it seems I can't even use AS as an excuse. I'm just hopeless with women overall. :cry:

There is someone I like very much at my work. Who seems to like me as well. I'm not sure to what extent, whether as a friend or something more. We get along very well indeed. I actually told her I like her (but not in a creepy way, I just said 'I like you for you') and she said it was mutual! (although she may have just meant as in a friendly way). I even asked her out, in a subtle way (If you wanna grab a coffee, etc)

It's weird because the only love I've ever known has been hopeless unrequited passion. This time, at least the girl I care about, cares for me too in some way. I'm not used to that. After years of rejection, I might finally, finally have a chance with this girl.

So is it just me? Am I the only person over 25 here who has NO experience at all with women? And isn't looking for just any old one night stand, but a lasting relationship?



Chronos
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18 Jul 2010, 1:21 am

I think a better question would be, is there anyone over 25 on WrongPlanet who isn't a virgin.

You'd get far less hands.



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18 Jul 2010, 1:27 am

Chronos wrote:
I think a better question would be, is there anyone over 25 on WrongPlanet who isn't a virgin.

You'd get far less hands.

+1


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hutchscott
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18 Jul 2010, 1:29 am

I was still a virgin at 25.



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18 Jul 2010, 2:36 am

Adam82 wrote:
Am I the only one? I used to think that all Aspies were late starters in relationships. But apparently, its just me. I've never had a girlfriend, never been kissed, only ever hugged a girl. It's partially because I'm just shy, have poor self-esteem, and have no idea what to say to girls; and partially because I've just surrendered to it, and said 'Just wait your turn, there's no rush. Wait for the right person to come along that loves you as much as you do them'.

So it seems I can't even use AS as an excuse. I'm just hopeless with women overall. :cry:

There is someone I like very much at my work. Who seems to like me as well. I'm not sure to what extent, whether as a friend or something more. We get along very well indeed. I actually told her I like her (but not in a creepy way, I just said 'I like you for you') and she said it was mutual! (although she may have just meant as in a friendly way). I even asked her out, in a subtle way (If you wanna grab a coffee, etc)

It's weird because the only love I've ever known has been hopeless unrequited passion. This time, at least the girl I care about, cares for me too in some way. I'm not used to that. After years of rejection, I might finally, finally have a chance with this girl.

So is it just me? Am I the only person over 25 here who has NO experience at all with women? And isn't looking for just any old one night stand, but a lasting relationship?


You can count me as one like you, hopeless with women and 25 years old and a virgin and never been in a relationship. Basically same case as yours :(


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18 Jul 2010, 2:43 am

I was a virgin at age 25. I lost it at 29.


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Adam82
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18 Jul 2010, 3:42 am

^Ah so there is hope for me yet. I'll be 29 in just over a year. My 28th is on the 30th of August 2010.



Faelan
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18 Jul 2010, 4:00 am

Heh...

What's the definition of losing your virginity anyway?

If it's full intercourse with the opposite sex, then I was a couple of years older than 25. If we're talking same sex (more than just "lending a hand"), then it happened a couple of years before turning 25. If we're... oh... I won't even go there :twisted: :lol: :wink: 8)


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Adam82
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18 Jul 2010, 4:52 am

Faelan wrote:
Heh...

What's the definition of losing your virginity anyway?

If it's full intercourse with the opposite sex, then I was a couple of years older than 25. If we're talking same sex (more than just "lending a hand"), then it happened a couple of years before turning 25. If we're... oh... I won't even go there :twisted: :lol: :wink: 8)


I haven't done any of that, so full virgin here. I've never even kissed a girl.



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18 Jul 2010, 7:53 am

Adam82 wrote:
Am I the only one?


Most definitely NOT!

Adam82 wrote:
So it seems I can't even use AS as an excuse.


No you can't. But you can use it as a reason. I always say to parents of aspies that aspergers is the reason their children sometimes act badly, but its not an excuse. The same is true for relationships. Being an aspie means that you are a social retard. Same as me. That doesn't mean that you can't find someone, it only means that it is a lot harder for you. And to make matters worse, it gets much harder as you get older.

Adam82 wrote:
There is someone I like very much at my work. Who seems to like me as well. I'm not sure to what extent, whether as a friend or something more. We get along very well indeed. I actually told her I like her (but not in a creepy way, I just said 'I like you for you') and she said it was mutual! (although she may have just meant as in a friendly way). I even asked her out, in a subtle way (If you wanna grab a coffee, etc)


And??? What did she say to coffee? Anyhow, don't be hesitant to touch her in affectionate ways. This is the body language thing that aspies have trouble with. When I say affectionate, I mean putting your hands on her shoulders or arms around her waist.

Putting your arms gently around her waist will tell you a lot. If she grabs your arm and throws it off her, then you have a problem. If she lets you keep it there, then you just found a new girlfriend.

=====

PS-And if she lets you put your arms around her, the next thing you need to think about asking is "What are you planning to do after work?"



Last edited by n4mwd on 18 Jul 2010, 7:58 am, edited 1 time in total.

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18 Jul 2010, 7:54 am

Girls are so much luckier in this department - even quite ugly ones like me. I had a friend to tell me what to wear, what to say and give me the nudge when a guy looked interested. I managed to have sex at 22. A sympathetic NT friend as an intermediary can get you over the difficult early stages. Of course it's been all downhill from there. I'm expected to know what I'm doing at 40 and I will never really get it.


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Adam82
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18 Jul 2010, 8:00 am

n4mwd wrote:

And??? What did she say to coffee? Anyhow, don't be hesitant to touch her in affectionate ways. This is the body language thing that aspies have trouble with. When I say affectionate, I mean putting your hands on her shoulders or arms around her waist.

Putting your arms around gently her waist will tell you a lot. If she grabs your arm and throws it off her, then you have a problem. If she lets you keep it there, then you just found a new girlfriend.


I've tried this. I often gently touch her forearm when we part for the day, and give her hugs quite a bit. She doesn't seem to mind at all. Unless she's just naturally touchy-feely. She also does these things to me often as well. When asked for a coffee, she said 'yeah, I'd love to catch up for coffee'. I think she may like me. But I am quite poor at reading the signals. I need something very unsubtle.



n4mwd
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18 Jul 2010, 8:13 am

Adam82 wrote:
I've tried this. I often gently touch her forearm when we part for the day, and give her hugs quite a bit. She doesn't seem to mind at all. Unless she's just naturally touchy-feely. She also does these things to me often as well. When asked for a coffee, she said 'yeah, I'd love to catch up for coffee'. I think she may like me. But I am quite poor at reading the signals. I need something very unsubtle.


When you go for coffee, as soon as you both get out of the car, put your arm around her waist and find out. If she only likes you in a business setting, she won't let you do that. If she is OK with you putting your arm around her like that, then that is the same as her saying she is OK with being your girlfriend. At which time you need to start thinking about spending more non-business time with her.



Adam82
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18 Jul 2010, 8:21 am

n4mwd wrote:
Adam82 wrote:
I've tried this. I often gently touch her forearm when we part for the day, and give her hugs quite a bit. She doesn't seem to mind at all. Unless she's just naturally touchy-feely. She also does these things to me often as well. When asked for a coffee, she said 'yeah, I'd love to catch up for coffee'. I think she may like me. But I am quite poor at reading the signals. I need something very unsubtle.


When you go for coffee, as soon as you both get out of the car, put your arm around her waist and find out. If she only likes you in a business setting, she won't let you do that. If she is OK with you putting your arm around her like that, then that is the same as her saying she is OK with being your girlfriend. At which time you need to start thinking about spending more non-business time with her.


Actually, neither of us drive. Weird, since I'm 27 and she's several months older than me, 28. I've never seen a particular interest in learning to drive. Neither has she. But anyway. That's good advice. I'll try this. Actually, I did touch her hands on a train, as we parted, about a week ago. Outside of work. She took my hand as well, and didn't recoil in horror. I think she may like me.



Faelan
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18 Jul 2010, 8:26 am

Adam82 wrote:
I haven't done any of that, so full virgin here. I've never even kissed a girl.


I must have been in my early teens when I first kissed a girl, but it was more of an uncontrolled and somewhat forced event than a deliberate action on my part. Basically, I had this charismatic school mate/semi-friend who set this thing up for me with a fairly shy girl who was a friend of his GF. I guess he was just trying to be nice and help me out in his own special way, but I was not into that thing at that age, unlike my peers, and the whole thing just felt pretty darn awkward to me. I'm quite sure she felt awkward as well :?

I was around 24 I'm guessing when I kissed a girl again and thankfully that didn't turn out to be such a disaster as the first time. Of course, in-between that, I ended up kissing a guy since everybody was telling me "you've never had a girlfriend. Are you sure you're not gay? It's okay to be gay, nothing wrong with that". I guess it's a good thing that the people around me are so accepting when it comes to homosexuality, but it made me seriously confused and I didn't know a thing about Asperger's back then. I just knew I was different in so many ways that it wasn't even funny. Oh well...


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