Thoughts on Meeting the Parents...

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I am wondering about peoples thoughts on meeting the parents of who they are seeing/dating.

I have no parents, never have and have been on my own since I was 14 and because of this, I do not get
the whole 'weirdness' I have seen others go through when they have to do this. Because I have no parents I wonder if that is why I don't do it and find it ridicules when others do it or when parents treat their adult 'children' like they are still little kids.

I am wondering things like;
If your dating a male, do you judge what he will be like when he is his fathers age?
If male and confident, but you meet the parents and the father has no confidence and the mother runs everything,
do you wonder if the male will end up that way? and vice versa, if the father is a control freak and mother is controlled by him, do you wonder if he will end up like that?

If your dating a female, do you judge what she will be like when she is her mothers age?
If female and confident, but you meet the parents and the mother has no confidence and the father runs everything,
do you wonder if the female will end up that way? and vice versa, if the mother is a control freak and father is controlled by her, do you wonder if she will end up like that?

Do you compare the parents relationship to see what yours would be like with him/her?

How about how the parents treat your partner? If they treat them like a child or if they are controlling with them, what do you think?
If your partner has AS, do you judge them by their NT parents? or if one has AS or AS traits, do you judge them by that person, no matter what sex?


I have known siblings, where the youngest has left the country at a young age and the older one stayed behind.
When they parents are around the oldest or any have any kind of communication, they have still treated them like little children.

Yet when the ones have come back for things like weddings or xmas, the youngest is treated like an adult. But the oldest is still treated like a child.
This has happened with both males and females, same and different sex siblings, with age gaps of 5+ years.

Why is that? And how would you as a partner feel? or as a child of this..


Sorry it is so long, but really want to know peoples thoughts on this and couldn't think how else to word it.

Well, if my relationships end up like my mom's I'd get married once, left in 7 years and be alone for the rest of my life. If like my father, I'd end up ruining 3 marriages by the time I'm 47. So yeah, I'm screwed as far as any of that goes. :/

I don't want to be intrusive, but why do you have no parents, Surya?

Your judging yourself from families background, not really what I meant.
Would you vision the person you were with 5 or more years in the 'future', by what you saw their parents being like?



Doesn't bother me, so not intrusive at all. I used to make jokes about being dropped off in the wrong country/planet or place
since I was young when people asked. Or said I was different from others they had met from where i lived.


The reason, my mother was 16 years old when she had me and was not a 'good mother' and makes 'mommie dearest' look like
suzy homemaker. I was in and out of one foster homes from the time I was 4/6 weeks old (after release) and at 14 almost 15 said screw it and went AWOL.
At 19 I walked into the last Social Services I was registered with and asked for my ID information. The social worker I had as a kid was still there
and their first response was, something like 'and where the hell have you been for the last 5 years young lady'
mine reply was close to 'doesn't matter and I aint no lady. give me my id as you obviously know damn well who I am.'

*shrug*
Never bothered me, never asked 'god' to send me parents' or cried 'why cant I have any..'
from what I could and have seen, I am really glad I am separated from that part of 'society'

It only pisses me off when I have to fill out standardised forms and there is no section for;
no parents or parents info unknown
or mothers birth date unknown
fathers info unknown
I know her name, and her blood line, but that is it, it was on my live birth registration doc. I have applied for more information
but I cannot get it, until she kicks the bucket. That involves paying to find out, and funds sent back if she is still alive.
Do I wish her dead? At times, but, I just want my full information, not my fault she has to die before I can get it.

Wow, I'm sorry you had to grow up like that. I really am, even if I shouldn't be. I almost pity you, in the same way I pity people who do not feel a sense of belonging to their homeland. I wish that you could have grown up in much better circumstances, because it really is nice to have parents to care for you. I would never have it so good as I do today without my mother's support.

Maybe, I never met my one bf's parents until after we broke up. :/

Ive met quite a few boyfreinds parents and I did not like it any of the times, none of them liked me and said very rude things to me. I expect this is because of the AS and me appearing odd and not behaving how people are supposed to, I expect they wanted better for their sons. Now I wont meet peoples parents at all.

I dont think it is realistic to judge someones looks from their parents, all the guys Ive dated have looked nothing like their dads, I think its best to try and not imagine your bf old.

I think it can highlight things that are happening in your own relationship or illuminate why they are how they are, but in general I think people normally over compensate not to be like their parents so often are the opposite.


I hate seeing parents baby ones bf, its the most discusting thing and definately a turn off. Most men Ive dated have been extremely spoilt by their mothers and I think it did them no favours. A lot of mothers also tend to alternate babying/spoiling with making cruel underming or spiteful comments.

When I met the parents of my bf's I did not know about AS as I was much younger when I decided to stop seeing parents, so I did not know if any of them had it. However my 12 yr old daughter has autism and her father clearly had the same thing as she did as they are just alike, and his parents were very odd in a disfunctional way. I previously had put down his 'negative' qualities to how mean and harsh they were but who knows now (Ive not seen him in 11 yrs).

I find meeting parents makes it so difficult between a couple as guys dont want their parents criticised no matter how horrid they are, and its hard not to be frank if your an aspie. In my experience it puts unneccerserry strain on a relationship.

Oi.. goodness NO.. do not pity me. That is horrible to say to me. I do not NEED pity, nor do I want it. Never have, it
seems an odd thing for people to do or even say to me.

And why are you sorry? Your apologising for something you had no control over. Only one person had control
of the first part of my life and she was young, foolish and a twat. After that is was the so called 'adults' and 'bosses'.
At 14 it was me and any choices I made, I have to live with. So far, so good I would say.
My thoughts are, I could either dwell in self-pity and have a poor my syndrome, and be a miserable, forsaken waif to be around all my life, or I could do something about it.
Along with everything else that I have that I cannot fix and in some cases I do not feel need to be fixed, dealing with issues of my past seemed like a good idea. Those I could 'fix' work on, heal.. take your pick of terms.. seemed like the right thing to do, before worrying about anything else in life.
The other crap I can't 'fix' oh well, some things I can use tools to correct, other things I need 'me' to deal with them, In the end, I would much rather be a miserable b*tch part of the time, instead of all of the time feeling like a miserable forsaken waif.


Two different life experiences, I wouldn't trade mine for anything, because it is mine and what I have done with it
I am pretty ok with, more then ok with in some cases. Yea I did some stupid things, do I regret them, hell no. Would I do them again?
Well some yes, some in slightly different ways.
I have lived life for me. Doing what I wanted and what I felt was best for me since I was 14. I am still alive, I have a very different outlook on life
and I have done some things most people would never do, be they male or female.

So yea, you shouldn't feel sorry for me or pity and I find it a bit insulting that you do. I can logically understand you saying and feeling that way.
But, if the shoe was on the other foot, would you understand it, if I said I felt sorry and pitied you?

I can't even imagine myself with your shoes on. I would be a completely different person. Someone much more miserable than even you might have been.

Though I understand that you do not want to be pitied, it's also almost inevitable for me, since I can imagine just how much better a life you could have led. I knew a girl once who had been neglected by her parents, in fact, I even fell in love with her, and she was in many ways a very sad case, with feelings of neglect and insecurity and much more plaguing her mind, and she was unhealthily promiscuous, f*****g men that she knew could never love her. She was a lost lamb for sure, and her situation could be so much better if she had parents who cared.

personally i'd actually like to meet her parents.
It'd be proof that i'm actually getting somewhere .
And besides that, i just think it'd be nice .

Great responses, thank you. I have done it twice years ago and it did not go well for one and another it went to well



Oh no I didn't mean 'be like' as in looks, but be like as in personality. I agree, there is just something not right with picturing the person your with
looking like their parent - but as I said, that was not what I meant.



I had a friend that got divorce, she said it was because when she waled down the aile she was marrying him, but when she decided to divorce him,
it was because she had never liked his father. That seemed like the stupidest reason to divorce someone - until she explained that he had become like his
father the older he got.




My response when asked to 'go for dinner with parents' has become something like ..sure, as soon as you meet mine.
Usually shuts them up.
I see no reason to meet the parents/family until you know you want to shack-up or some such thing.

BTW sorry for the late response.. little stressed out and unable to focus much.

I actually was meaning the other way around.
How would you feel if I said "I feel somewhat sorry for you and pity you a little bit."

You couldn't imagine how much of a better life I could have led.
Simply because you do not know the life I have led and keep leading. You know a little bit of
my early childhood and your basing your feelings and imagination off of that, and possibly this girl you knew.

You can image your expectations and beliefs of what a 'good life' is and place it onto me.
That doesn't work, because we are all different people and we all have different strengths and weaknesses
likes and dislikes. You can't always compare two people and say that they are the same, because they had similar upbringing.

So what, my first 14 years of my life where s**t, big deal. Does that mean I should
continue letting the past influence me? I don't bloody think so and personally I think I have been living an great life and I will
continue to live one, if I have anything to do with its outcome.

BTW.. you make it sound like I am nearly dead or dead
"I can imagine just how much better a life you could have led"

Replace you with she.. really sounds like it..
"I can imagine just how much better a life she could have led"

Well, those are fair points. I won't argue with them.

Even thought I feel somewhat sorry for you and pity you a little bit?
Your ok with that as well.. good

Why would you pity me? I stopped feeling pity for you when you gave me reasons not to, but I haven't given you any reasons to pity me whatsoever, so why would you pity me?

In my post after you said you felt sorry and almost pitied me, I asked you how you would feel if I said the same thing to you.
Very last line. You never answered how it would make you feel, so can you answer now how it makes you feel?
Then I will tell you why. My answer will be more general, because I do not know if your male or female, or what area you are from.
I think your about 18 years old, because that is what it says under your avatar.. but that could be wrong.