Bad & awkward (though resolved) situation:is this typica

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I was recently in a very uncomfortable situation, and I wonder if part of it may be due to the fact that I honestly cannot understand subtle social cues. A friend of mine directed me to this forum after hearing about this situation, and a couple of other instances, so, I figured this would be the forum to ask: might how I reacted in this situation be typical for someone on the Autistic spectrum?

(Be warned, it's kind of long, but I'll try to summarize it as much as I can. And I know, it's just one situation and therefore may not be fair to judge, but some input is better than none...)

First, some background info:

-I was friends with this guy (let's call him Rob, that's not his real name but his real name is kinda unique, so...) in Chemistry class for a semester. So, about 4 months, not counting May since that's when summer started.

-Rob did Chemistry homework with me, and we'd talk in the lab a lot. We got on all sorts of topics: romance, politics, religion, laws, etc. I felt that we got along pretty well, and he seemed to be interested in me as a friend, if not more.

-The following things that made me think that he might have liked me as more than a friend: he gave me a tour of his fraternity, he'd hug me a lot (even tapped my thigh once, possibly not intentional but I wonder), and even visited my house and met my parents.

The last day we hung out (he drove me home from class since I don't have a car at the moment), we talked about sex. I said that I had a fear of pregnancy, and thought that...masturbating with a guy would be hotter. (I know this looks like too much information, but bear with me, I feel it's important for you to understand what happened next.) He said he understood completely, and smiled. I asked if the conversation was too awkward for him and he said "I thrive on awkward situations, don't worry!"

Well...I got bold, and texted him with the above offer. =/ Part of me is just curious, and wants to experiment. I couldn't be sure if he was sexually interested in me or not...he said that he'd have casual sex with girls (though admitted they both were drunk), and said he had a girlfriend but they broke up recently. The thing is, he didn't seem upset about it at all. So I figured my question wouldn't bother him, or if it did, the worst he'd say would be no.

The result of all this: he ignores me for slightly over 3 months. Not a peep from him. I'm very distressed, I worry that I deeply offended him and he hates me. I get desperate, and ask his friend what's going on. (On Facebook, not in person.)

His friend informs me that Rob felt that I was "violating his personal space" and "didn't like me that way". The thing is, it was just a question over text, how the heck was I invading his space? He said that Rob will never talk to me again. Ever.

I'm still upset about this, but honestly I think both Rob and his friend are just immature and were sending mixed messages.

What do you guys think? Did I approach this completely in the wrong way? I got the distinct impression that Rob would be okay with a casual sexual encounter, and wouldn't be so deeply offended. He talked about sex all the time, and invited me into his personal space, so I felt he was trying to get to know me better, and probably cared about me.

I think you misunderstood his intentions for romance, and he was creeped out by your request. I doubt you can resume your friendship with him/

I forgot to add: I'm not going to try to be friends with him, in fact, I'm ignoring him completely from now on.

Thanks for the input.

A person can talk about subjects with a person in the "friend" category that they would not discuss with someone in the "potential girlfriend" category. That may be what happened here. Or, it may be he was in fact bothered by some of the subject matter but pretended not to be.

I think Polgara's right. From the sounds of the topics, Rob thought of you as 'one of the guys', so your request probably creeped the hell out of him (it'd be like his male best friend or sister sending the same text)

Now in fairness, Rob is a bit unusual; at this age, it seems the majority of guys do not have close platoinic female friends unless they plan to get into their pants at some point. I honestly wouldn't blame yourself too much, but perhaps not send texts like that in future to other friends.

He's just a jerk. How hard is it to say "Uhm...no thanks..I don't know if I'd feel comfortable with that."?

If he wasn't comfortable with the subject, he should have said so when it first came up, instead of telling you he didn't find it awkward at all. Again, all he had to say was "Okay, too much information, thanks, can we talk about something else?"

Frankly, once you brought the subject up, I would have assumed it was something you were interested in pursuing, or you wouldn't have said anything at all. The conversation itself seemed clearly to be a prelude to an overture - testing the water, so to speak, to see how he reacted. If I were him, I'd have been expecting that text..or a phone call, or something. And been kinda disappointed and mildly insulted if it never came.

Its just rude to blow off and ignore someone who has expressed an interest in you (unless they've done it repeatedly and are not taking no thanks for an answer). A person should always feel flattered and grateful that another person extends themselves that way, and at least be gracious about it, even if the answer is 'not interested'.

There are polite ways to say 'No Thanks'.

I've experienced something maybe similar: I think people will sometimes do this because it seems removing the immediacy of rejecting you is less cruel (and/or they're just too cowardly; whatever) and they'll humor you until they manage to get away. And that's the end of that. i.e.: 'Maybe I'll see you around sometime.' Sound familiar?

Says, "He thrives on awkward situations" then can't handle your offer. He wanted to bang you. You told him your fear of pregnancy and the offer of just masturbating wasn't much of a turn on for him. So he ended his pursuit and what's sick is he probably told his friend, who know doubt reinforced his idea your not worth the time. If someone is a genuine friend they would have been willing to talk and discuss boundaries. Remember he brought up the subject of sex not you. There was a guy that was interested with me in college and I kissed him but wouldn't go any further and after a few days of no action and me refusing to have some beer he brought the next days, he stopped coming by and I never saw him again. What's funny is that it was a small campus.

Actually, yeah, it's possible he might've just wanted sex, too. I remember my old roommates saying things like getting rid of the girl if they're not doing it within a week or so, or if 'she gives bad head,' etc. etc. Yeah, it's kind of a disgrace, but truly there are guys who think like that, so buyer beware. I don't know rob so I'm not sure about him personally, though. Him being merely platonically interested and freaked out is possible, but curlyfry's post kinda reminded me of the good ol' dorm days. A LOT of early 20s guys are like this. Actually, most of them probably are.

Sionis: Don't worry, I wasn't offended.

Polgara and Lene: I suppose it's possible that he actually wanted real sex and was freaked out, or else had me in the "platonic friend" category. Interesting that you brought that up, Lene, because Rob told me that I was "more like a dude than a chick" at one point!

Willard: I agree with what you're saying 100%. The main reason I brought that conversation up, in fact, was because I was testing the waters with him: he seemed like a very sexually open guy, and that's the only reason I ever brought up that conversation, followed by the text, in the first place. I suppose a lot of it could just be, as my friend said, that "guys talk about sex all the time, that's just how it is." Perhaps I shouldn't have read so much into it. But my line of thinking is: if a guy talks about sex, he must want it to some degree, right? (As in, sexual activity of any kind.)

CMaximus: That's awful. I think that a guy who'd get rid of a girl for that reason doesn't really care about her in the first place, and is just looking for good sex. If two people truly care about or love each other, the quality of sex should be a non-issue!

Yeah, well, just beware, and practice brutal, analytical self-honesty so you avoid being hurt in any really obvious ways. Usually the simplest explanation is correct, especially with 20-somethings, the simplest explanation being sex. Even if a guy isn't interested, he can still choose to go for it! Because hey, sex. Don't believe someone really cares for you just because you might really want him to. Might literally be the oldest trick in the book. /fingerwag

Don't be TOO too skeptical, but at the same time, as someone on the spectrum I'd really have appreciated someone giving me this kind of absolute intel.

I think Rob is to blame here -- all of that personal contact, and yet he still only viewed you as just a friend and "didn't like you that way?" Pretty weird. I definitely don't make a habit out of touching girls that I'm not interested in romantically, nor do most guys who aren't users or creeps (or gay).

This guy was sending some pretty mixed messages. By chance, were the study sessions lop-sided, with him needing you more than you needing him? In that case, maybe he was using you.

CMaximus: Thanks for the advice. I'll have to be careful about that. So far Rob has been the only guy who's talked about sex with me in a way that made it seem like he possibly would be okay with an experience of that kind. But I'll keep that in mind anyway: I don't want to be taken advantage of. When I do have sex, I want it to be with someone I care about and vice versa. Though the masturbating thing...to me, that seems more casual, but I'm gonna be careful about that from here on out. XD

billsmith: Yeah, they were lop-sided actually. =/ I did most of the work, though in labs he'd be the one doing the hands-on stuff. Sometimes he helped me, but it was mostly the other way around it seemed like.