Restaurant Encounter

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My niece and grand-nephew and I went to a restaurant last week. As we were being led to our table, I noticed the man sitting across the aisle from us and thought, "now that's a good-looking man." (He was just my type -- tall, dark haired and about ten to fifteen years older than me.) He looked up as we passed and made eye-contact with me -- every now and then, I have reasonably comfortable eye-contact days -- but he was sitting with two women and a child, so, assuming one of them to be his wife, I just enjoyed the brief view of a good-looking guy and settled in to eat dinner. Towards the end of the evening, the ladies and the child all got up to go to the rest-room and the man switched sides of the booth so that we were looking directly at each other. I noticed the movement and looked up and he made eye-contact again. I'd had a beer at that point and was feeling bold and figured there was no harm done in looking, so I gave him a once-over and smiled, but then my grand-nephew asked a question and I looked away to answer him. When I looked back, the guy was looking anywhere else, but I could swear that he would be looking at me when I wasn't looking at him. I could see his head turn just a little in my peripheral vision. (Yes, this was me, flirting.) After a few minutes, his party returned. He never changed back to his original seat, but they all left fairly soon after that.

I have questions about this encounter. I'm not good at interpreting this sort of thing, and my niece never noticed the people in question and says she's no better at it than I am.

Did I completely misinterpret his interest? Is it normal for a man to change seats when his party goes to the restroom? Yes, it left the way clear for the woman who was sitting next to him to return to her seat, but blocked those of his other dinner companions, so I don't see that he was just being polite in that way.

Was he just enjoying the moment for what it was, but not wanting lead anyone on? He never touched nor was more than cordial to any one in his party, including the child, so I'm really not sure what relationship they had. (Yeah, I was watching, out of the corner of my eye. Before he changed seats, I also saw him cock his head towards us when we discussed an upcoming trip to a comic convention with my grand-nephew. I'm very rarely this conscious of the people around me, so it's kind of an unusual experience for me. I guess I was more attracted to him than I realized.)

Did I do something that indicated I wasn't interested in him or didn't welcome his attention? He seemed a little down or resigned when we were playing the "I'm not looking at you" game towards the end. I don't mean to, but have been told that I can shut a guy down in two seconds flat and never notice what I've done or that he was interested in the first place. Yeah, I know, possibly married guy, but I'm thinking of this more in terms of field research for the future.

I think you probably correctly interpreted his interest. He was at least medium interested, and let's just leave it there.

So, you did the correct ping ponging back and forth. He just kind of choose not to pong it an extra time. So, either he's not available, not interested in a relationship at this time, you're not his type (although from what you've told me that doesn't seem to be the case!), so I guess just enjoy it for what it is. And it sounds like you did pretty good!


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A B

C D

E F

G H


Okay, so I ping from A, she pings it from B, to C, to D, etc. It is both a nonperfectist activity where you enjoy each step without trying to 'excel' or 'max' a particular step and it's noticing the broad, overall pattern more than a particular step (at least I think it is best that I can figure out!) And it's doing something that works for me, engaging not conforming (one of my developing favorite slogans!)

He was nice looking, you looked, he looked and its a nice memory not to mention flattering but you probably get that a lot.

Thanks for the replies, guys; they were helpful. I tend to way over-analyze things, I suppose, but I'm really not good at figuring out what's going on in these sorts of things. Usually, this kind of quiet flirting just goes right by me at light-speed, or I'll convince myself that I imagined the whole thing.

Only thing I can think of, say if you have a business card as an architect, or pretty much anything else.

'Hi, here's my business card, just in case you need an architect.'

Now, he was probably taken, but for next time. Of course the undercurrent is, you might want to call me even if you don't need an architect. It MIGHT work, no guarantees of course.