This is driving me nuts, please help...

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BroncosRtheBest
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05 Sep 2010, 10:29 pm

Well, it's kind of a long story, but there's a girl I like. Since I got to High School, she's pretty much been my best friend. I want to be able to tell her I like her, but there are some other problems, namely she has a boyfriend who likes to make my life (& my mom's, for a time, anyway) miserable. I'm sure she knows that he's an idiot (they've broken up and returned to each other three times) deep down somewhere, but I don't know about telling her because in the off chance that she returns my feelings and dumps her boyfriend for me, I probably wouldn't enjoy the consequences, not to mention the sheer guilt that I was an accomplice in breaking someone's heart. Any thoughts? I've been internally debating this for over a month and need some outside intervention.



kip
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05 Sep 2010, 11:54 pm

When they break up, let her cry on your shoulder. There's a 50/50 chance of being that 'nice guy' she won't date, but it could get her to come to you. Possibly. HS girls are WEIRD. Trust me.

Your only hope it to wait her out, get her to realise on her own that this guys is bad news. You'll never do it yourself, it's something she needs to recognise.


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munky101
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06 Sep 2010, 12:00 am

Thats a tough one bud. I wish I had a magic eight ball to help you with some advice. The boyfriend thing is one thing, and it merits your thought. However, the fact she is your best friend is the more difficult and dangerous part of the equation. Believe me when I say that best friends of any gender are hard to come by, and those relationships should be treated with alot more thought. You have to remember that if things go south romantically, you stand to lose a best friend. The jerk thing while important is really a temporary issue. When you get over 30 anything less than 2 or 3 years is temporary. But, once you lose a best friend its a permanent deal. I feel for you bro. Good luck!


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Chronos
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06 Sep 2010, 3:38 am

BroncosRtheBest wrote:
Well, it's kind of a long story, but there's a girl I like. Since I got to High School, she's pretty much been my best friend. I want to be able to tell her I like her, but there are some other problems, namely she has a boyfriend who likes to make my life (& my mom's, for a time, anyway) miserable. I'm sure she knows that he's an idiot (they've broken up and returned to each other three times) deep down somewhere, but I don't know about telling her because in the off chance that she returns my feelings and dumps her boyfriend for me, I probably wouldn't enjoy the consequences, not to mention the sheer guilt that I was an accomplice in breaking someone's heart. Any thoughts? I've been internally debating this for over a month and need some outside intervention.


For future reference, take some advice from a woman.

If you like a girl, and she's available, don't hand around in the friend zone too long or things like this happen. Being friends first is great, but if you like her you should make that clear fairly early on, like after you've hung out for a month or two. Maybe even sooner the way highschoolers move.

Don't fall in love with girls who are not available. You set yourself up for a bad time. If you find you are starting to like a girl who is in a relationship, distance yourself from her immediately. Don't let yourself become close friends with her. To try to push a friendship with her in hopes that she will leave her boyfriend for you is petty, selfish, and immature. Maybe she has relationship problems with him, maybe he really is a jerk, but it's not really for you to decide.

I think I would put a more than friends relationship with her out of your mind for now.



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06 Sep 2010, 5:49 am

You're well in truely in the friend zone.
You'll get the 'we're too good a friends, i don't want to ruin that.' speech most likely.



BroncosRtheBest
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06 Sep 2010, 10:14 am

Thanks guys! I had a sinking suspicion I should tap out, thanks for giving words to it. Of course now comes the problem that my dad wants me to get a girlfriend before college...



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06 Sep 2010, 10:16 am

If you want to go out with her, tell her. If she says yes, well, good for you. But if she says no, then move on before you transform into a passive-aggressive "nice" guy who's always complaining about being "friend-zoned" by every hot girl he wants to sleep with.

Just so you know, it's really hard to be friends with someone you're attracted to (and have been rejected by), so if you sincerely want to be her friend, THINK about that before you profess your undying love to her.



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06 Sep 2010, 10:17 am

BroncosRtheBest wrote:
Thanks guys! I had a sinking suspicion I should tap out, thanks for giving words to it. Of course now comes the problem that my dad wants me to get a girlfriend before college...


You can't live to please your father. Do what's right for you, not what he wants.



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06 Sep 2010, 1:07 pm

BroncosRtheBest wrote:
Thanks guys! I had a sinking suspicion I should tap out, thanks for giving words to it. Of course now comes the problem that my dad wants me to get a girlfriend before college...


Why does he want to rush you? Besides, girls in college are better than those in high school but maybe I'm just biased. I know what it's like to have really pushy parents and it's a pain. I've pretty much learned that they don't know that my challenges are different from theirs so I try not to let my mom get to me as far as pushing me towards relationships. :wink:

Seriously, there's nothing wrong with waiting until college to start dating. I dated someone in high school and found out that neither of us were ready for a relationship and it ended badly. Get out there, have some life experiences and develop an identity for yourself. Someone may come along sooner or later. ^_^



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07 Sep 2010, 6:25 pm

Normally High School relastionships rarely last, so I think that there is a chance that they will break up. I can't really give brilliant advice on this subject, but it's best to talk to someone else about this, like a parent or another friend (but be careful, make sure you can really trust them otherwise they may tell.) Hopefully they will be able to give you good advice. :)


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07 Sep 2010, 6:48 pm

Maybe your the reason why he's such a stonebreaker. If I were him, I'd want to choke you too... hangin' around like a daggoned vulture wanting for their relationship to drop dead already.



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07 Sep 2010, 7:10 pm

Can't be easy. Hope things work out for you buddy. Don't count on people accepting someones bad for them though.



BroncosRtheBest
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07 Sep 2010, 8:54 pm

RightGalaxy wrote:
Maybe your the reason why he's such a stonebreaker. If I were him, I'd want to choke you too... hangin' around like a daggoned vulture wanting for their relationship to drop dead already.


Umm, yeah, umm my problems with him started before I met the girl. He was a jerk to me long before this, and I haven't really said anything about their relationship, let alone been a "daggoned vulture".

And @Erisad, apparantly it's "good experience for the real world". I don't get it either. Thanks for the help again, guys. The problem's pretty much sorted itself out.



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07 Sep 2010, 8:58 pm

BroncosRtheBest wrote:
And @Erisad, apparantly it's "good experience for the real world". I don't get it either. Thanks for the help again, guys. The problem's pretty much sorted itself out.


Lol. Yeah, force your child into relationships because it'll be "good for em." Tch. Parents. :roll: Good thing it worked out.



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09 Sep 2010, 4:05 pm

Chronos wrote:
BroncosRtheBest wrote:
Well, it's kind of a long story, but there's a girl I like. Since I got to High School, she's pretty much been my best friend. I want to be able to tell her I like her, but there are some other problems, namely she has a boyfriend who likes to make my life (& my mom's, for a time, anyway) miserable. I'm sure she knows that he's an idiot (they've broken up and returned to each other three times) deep down somewhere, but I don't know about telling her because in the off chance that she returns my feelings and dumps her boyfriend for me, I probably wouldn't enjoy the consequences, not to mention the sheer guilt that I was an accomplice in breaking someone's heart. Any thoughts? I've been internally debating this for over a month and need some outside intervention.


For future reference, take some advice from a woman.

If you like a girl, and she's available, don't hand around in the friend zone too long or things like this happen. Being friends first is great, but if you like her you should make that clear fairly early on, like after you've hung out for a month or two. Maybe even sooner the way highschoolers move.

Don't fall in love with girls who are not available. You set yourself up for a bad time. If you find you are starting to like a girl who is in a relationship, distance yourself from her immediately. Don't let yourself become close friends with her. To try to push a friendship with her in hopes that she will leave her boyfriend for you is petty, selfish, and immature. Maybe she has relationship problems with him, maybe he really is a jerk, but it's not really for you to decide.

I think I would put a more than friends relationship with her out of your mind for now.


I would too, sadly. I've learned that sometimes being the shoulder to cry on screws you over in the long run.