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How do you cope being single in a large dating enviroment?

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PHISHA51
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09 Sep 2010, 7:13 am

I know after seeing from other post that AS teenagers especially at age 16 have a long time to wait for their soul mate, even though I'm 17 and will be turning 18 soon and heading to college after I finish my senior year in High School. However, sometimes it is painful to see other people happy together, seeing pictures and relationship statuses change from single to in a relationship on Facebook, trying to find someone who is also interested in perusing a relationship and on top of it all, being single and finding it hard to get use to :ncool: :wall: Just like the title says. Good thing I play music, read the bible, and go outside just to cool off. I need those and advices literally.


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OddFiction
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09 Sep 2010, 7:49 am

I think what you need to remember is that a lot of ASD people are very introspective, which means we have a high likelihood of maturing, or coming into comfort / understanding of ourselves long before most NTs.

Many of those relationships you see today, between people your own age, are going to be fleeting. There will be those lucky folk who find the right person now, and it works out, but alot of them are just getting into relationships 'because it's time to' or 'because it's normal' or because *shock* they are interested in, um... benefits... that come with partnering...

Many of those people are going to 'find out who they really are' in a few years. Hell, so are you, even though it's likely you already know more about yourself than most your age. When they discover that, they're also going to discover that the person they are with isn't perfect. Imagine the stress. The breakups. The attempts to 'change' the other person that are going to take place.

Does this all sound negative? I don't intend it to. There is nothing wrong with enjoying life, and having a relationship now would probably be a great experience. What I'm trying to say is don't worry that you're missing mister or missus right. In a few years, when everyone has figured out who they are, you'll have a brand new 'ocean' to 'fish' from.

("There are alot of fish in the ocean" is a phrase that means "There are a lot of [boys/girls] out there for you to make a relationship with")

On the other side, you won't be gaining the experience of knowing what personality of [boys/girls] you DO and DONT like to spend time with, romantically, or what you want from a relationship... but you can probably figure that out by figuring out who you like to be friends with.



OddFiction
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09 Sep 2010, 7:51 am

Ps - I absolutely LOVE your signature line.



DemonAbyss10
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09 Sep 2010, 11:18 am

OddFiction wrote:
I think what you need to remember is that a lot of ASD people are very introspective, which means we have a high likelihood of maturing, or coming into comfort / understanding of ourselves long before most NTs.

Many of those relationships you see today, between people your own age, are going to be fleeting. There will be those lucky folk who find the right person now, and it works out, but alot of them are just getting into relationships 'because it's time to' or 'because it's normal' or because *shock* they are interested in, um... benefits... that come with partnering...

Many of those people are going to 'find out who they really are' in a few years. Hell, so are you, even though it's likely you already know more about yourself than most your age. When they discover that, they're also going to discover that the person they are with isn't perfect. Imagine the stress. The breakups. The attempts to 'change' the other person that are going to take place.

Does this all sound negative? I don't intend it to. There is nothing wrong with enjoying life, and having a relationship now would probably be a great experience. What I'm trying to say is don't worry that you're missing mister or missus right. In a few years, when everyone has figured out who they are, you'll have a brand new 'ocean' to 'fish' from.

("There are alot of fish in the ocean" is a phrase that means "There are a lot of [boys/girls] out there for you to make a relationship with")

On the other side, you won't be gaining the experience of knowing what personality of [boys/girls] you DO and DONT like to spend time with, romantically, or what you want from a relationship... but you can probably figure that out by figuring out who you like to be friends with.



The whole thing about the maturity and knowing yourself even spreads far into adulthood. Most people as far as I know are delusional about themselves. Those kinds of people I just enjoy knocking them down from their mental throne.of delusions.

but yeah, how I have coped with it.... lets see...

1)You have a hand, don't ya?
2)Meditation
3)Just doing what I enjoy doing.

Through all this I am slowly realizing I might be borderline Asexual, so whatev. Well mentally anyways. Physical urges however, nature is hard to deny sometimes :/


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Hector
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09 Sep 2010, 11:34 am

OddFiction wrote:
I think what you need to remember is that a lot of ASD people are very introspective, which means we have a high likelihood of maturing, or coming into comfort / understanding of ourselves long before most NTs.

I don't see how this inference works. Is there anything in the scientific literature to substantiate this?

The anecdotal evidence I have suggests the opposite: that mildly autistic people are on the mean less mature in adulthood (though perhaps with a precocious level of apparent maturity in childhood), more insecure (with higher incidence of depression), and less understanding of their strengths and limitations.



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09 Sep 2010, 1:31 pm

I don't know. It's just the way it's always been for me I guess. :/



Major_G
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10 Sep 2010, 8:33 am

I know what the OP means. I have a hard time being around people that are dating. I'm almost 30 & still haven't really dated anyone yet.

Hector wrote:
OddFiction wrote:
I think what you need to remember is that a lot of ASD people are very introspective, which means we have a high likelihood of maturing, or coming into comfort / understanding of ourselves long before most NTs.

I don't see how this inference works. Is there anything in the scientific literature to substantiate this?

The anecdotal evidence I have suggests the opposite: that mildly autistic people are on the mean less mature in adulthood (though perhaps with a precocious level of apparent maturity in childhood), more insecure (with higher incidence of depression), and less understanding of their strengths and limitations.

I agree w/ Oddfiction. I understood myself & my limitations long before most other people I knew did.