I was exploited and hurt by a pedophile on line

Post Reply New Topic

Hey, first I'm sorry. ((

This will hurt for a while, but you'll feel good once again some day soon. I promise. Hang in there.

Now....

You know when adults call you a child, and ignore your opinions, and act all condescending, and tell you that you don't understand something because you are a kid? And it makes you really angry because you think you are mature???

THIS IS WHAT THEY WERE TALKING ABOUT.

To a grown woman, the intentions of that creep would have been plain and obvious from the start. He would have been dismissed immediately, and probably made fun of later. It is called EXPERIENCE.

To a little girl, no this wasn't apparent, and look what happened?

My point is: listen to your parents. You have a lot of learning and maturing to do.

Stay safe.

I know it hurts now, but when you get older, you will see this scumbag for what he really is. He will keep doing it to other young girls because it gives him a sense of power - and with them he may not get away with it if a parent gets involved.

People like him often get jobs as teachers for example - where they can control and manipulate young people.

He has no respect for you - please don't be fooled by his words.

People are not black-and-white. You can't put people in some category just because of their physical age. I find it troubling that you put such a huge emphasis on the age of a person when I never really consider it at all in my life, at least regarding friendship. Not everyone is going to be as naíve as the OP. When do age limits even end, anyway? Would it still be inappropriate as a 20 year old? As an 80 year old? As an 18 year old? There are no set rules, therefore you can't make a rule about it.

Yes, I can make a rule about it, and governments have enacted laws against it: a person younger than 18 years old is a minor child, and is therefore legally protected from abuse. What happened to the OP is not her fault - she's a child - it's her job to be naive. My daughter will never be in the same position as the OP, because I will not allow it.

I've chatted with men and women much older than me and with those much younger than me. I really think it depends on the context of the situation.

When I was a minor though I never divulged my age or gave them much in the way of personal information.

When I speak with those much younger than me, I never ask their age (if I know it it's because they volunteered it or implied it) or their name, or the city they live in. If they tell me anyway, I usually remind them they shouldn't give that information out. And of course out conversations are never of an inappropriate nature. I also never initiate the conversations myself if I know they are much younger than me.

I am a safe person to talk to. Unfortunately people who are not safe to talk to will claim the same thing. So use your better judgement and err on the side of caution.

I don't believe the government has issued any laws governing who you can interact with and who you can't based on age. I agree with Chronos in that it depends entirely on the situation (non-sexual.)

You need to take this argument somewhere else. This topic is about helping a young girl.

I just re-read my first post. It appears as if I was blaming the victim. THAT WAS NOT MY INTENTION. OK?

This was not your fault Professa. That creep is to blame, entirely to blame for this. You did nothing wrong.

My first post came out of the desire to help you avoid similar situations in the future. Being a teenager is hard enough, without worrying about Internet creeps.

Remember, life experience comes with age, and age alone. If you run into a dodgy situation again, ask an older friend or relative for advice. OK? And please listen to them, even if they are telling you things you don't want to hear. (Especially if they are telling you what you don't want to hear!)

Have you every heard of statutory rape laws? Laws against child pornography? How about laws that prohibit minors from engaging in sexting? Did you know the U.S. Department of Justice has created Internet Crimes Against Children (ICAC) Task Force, specifically to deal with people who abuse and exploit children via the internet?

I'm sorry to be so blunt, but your perspective is reckless, and could easily put children at risk. And for what? The possibility that a stranger half-way across the world might be interesting to get to know? No parent should be comfortable with taking this kind of risk with his/her child.

Gee, and I thought I was helping this young girl (and plenty of others) by reinforcing the idea that the situation she found herself in should have never existed - there are even laws against the type of conduct this man engaged in. So, sorry you don't see the value in this discussion, but I do.

I understand where you are coming from. I would definitely be wary of an older man chatting with a 14 year old girl. But I think one of the big differences between NT's and people with AS is rate of development.

Compared to NT's, us with AS tend to have un-uniform development. In NT's there may be a big mental difference between one age and another and in people with AS, that may not be the case. My judgement was fully matured by the time I was 16. My intellect, by the time I was 14....I had many fulfilling and indepth conversations with those much older than...in fact it was easier for me to speak with adults than it was those my age because were were on such different levels.

I had a friend who was still emotionally 14 when he was 22. I have a friend who has PDD-NOS who is 42 and I would say he is intellectually simultaneously 12 and 20 and emotionally 10. He wears shirts with cartoon characters on it and likes to buy those craft kits for kids....he loomed a pot holder a few months ago. But then at the same time he can tell you in depth about his 401K

The fact of the matter is though you cannot rely on strangers to leave your kids alone, whether they have bad intentions or not. Children should get a good talking to about the dangers of the world, and parents should monitor their children's internet activity.

Again, those laws are all sexual. Just because someone is a thirty-year-old doesn't mean their intentions are bad. I think you're going to do more harm for your child presenting them with such ageist views. You can teach a child "If something makes you uncomfortable or is inappropriate, tell me or stop chatting" rather than "Don't talk to thirty year olds". If you told me that as a child I would likely misconstrue it as to mean to never talk to any adults in any situation. Age has nothing to do with it.

It's a little late to have this discussion because she was already in that situation. She got in that situation partly because she was feeling lonely & misunderstood. She must be feeling much much worse now & I think she realizes now that the situation was extremely bad. She's very hurt & her feelings mite be overwhelming her judgment. Telling her how wrong she was to be in that situation would make her feel much worse. Sometimes situations like that repeat themselves & I wouldn't want her to leave here because she feels we aren't sympathetic.

I hope she has someone offline to help her true this cuz lots of times people end up in these situations because they don't have anyone to turn to offline so they reach out online. Having a therapist to talk to about this can be a big help but a shrink is NOT a substitute for a true friend. I hope she sticks around here & post about her different issues. I find posting here helps me feel a lot better

Around my 18th birthday I as well had been approached online by a pedophile. A little late for grooming, but I guess I was still naieve enough. And I guess he was desperate enough.

I liked the guy. He shared many of my Aspie traits, and I just happened to be in need of a father figure. But he kept dropping sexually themed hints, unconcerned about the confusion this caused in me. Leaving his advances unreciprocated, he started to drop out of his role every once in a while, showing the bitter emotional mess inside. Once he even asked me straight away what is was that I actually expected from him. The fact I desired friendship instead of intergenerational gay sex, apparently did not make sense to him.

Overall I would call it a fairly annoying experience. I pity him far more than I hate him, though. While his affliction does not excuse his behavior, suffering from pedophilia must be close to hell on earth.

i was really just simply looking for affection and a sense of belonging that my peers did not provide me and i was always bullied by them so i turned to him that is your answer as to why i was interacting with this 30 year old man

You don't have to explain yourself. But what he is doing to you is bullying, and a much worse form of it.
There are nice people online you can meet. I hope you don't stay in contact with him.

ask your parents to request a 'befriender' from social services. Social services fund befrienders for both my children, one through Social services and one through barnardos disabled kids befreinders scheme. It has made so much difference for my kids as they both get very lonely and have trouble making friends. The befriender takes them out to wherever they like and plays and chats and supports them and makes them feel liked and good. I think you would benefit from such a thing if you are feeling a lack of affection and freindship in your life.

Make sure you block that older man though and report him to face book as a nice man with good intentions would not behave like that as he would put your needs first (which this man is not).

Your experience does not make anything wrong with you, your a great person. These guys target young women so you have to protect yourself. When I was 14 I had lots of men behave predatory to me and was raped by a few of them. I found it very upsetting and it made me feel very bad about myself.

Seek out a befriender and other ways of getting friendship and support so you will be less vulnerable to people tryting to exploit your natural need for friendship.