Reminder to those who finally get a date

Post Reply New Topic

Don't go thinking that just because you finally got a date that this is the one for you and there's is nothing but bliss up the road. You might think this because most aspies have it hard socially and don't get out much. This date might turn into a relationship that might last for a bit and then go sour. You can't die over these things. Dating an NT can be rough because we're not the same as them so don't go thinking you hit the jackpot because you finally got a date. A lot of NT's "been there, done that" and don't fall apart when there is a break up. Don't let your lonliness be a source of disillusionment. I went through five DEVASTATING relationships with NT's before I married my aspie husband which added up to ten years of emotional pain before meeting the guy for me. Ten years is a long time to be a fool. An NT social circle can really marginalize an aspie plus they don't understand your bewilderment. You certainly can't find comfort in your own big circle of friends because most of us don't have that luxury. So be careful!

Also, don't assume that if you have a date scheduled that it's going to happen. For some reason, some NTs have difficulty sticking to their original plans. I've had a guy cancel on me twice now and I'm not going to bother arranging another date with him. If he wants to meet with me, he'll take initiative. The ball's in his court now. :/

I am one of those that falls completely apart due to a break-up. I question my self-worth and figure that if I was good enough that he wouldn't break up with me. I'm still trying to figure myself out to get out of my "I'm lonely because I suck" mentality. Low self-esteem is a b***h to deal with. I've been fighting it since I hit puberty at age 10.

While I enjoy my circle of friends and love them dearly, I feel that I can't really talk to them about personal topics like my insecurities and stuff. That's why I come here. Sometimes I still get backlash by posting here but dammit I'm trying.

Oh my gosh, me too. Even if the guy was a complete a-hole, i still get completely destroyed by a break-up.

Yup. It sucks too. The guy cheated on me, rarely reciprocated, and admitted to manipulating me for sexual favors and I was still heartbroken. I guess my brain figures that I can't get anyone else so I have to cling to whatever I have. I still haven't dated anyone else since the break-up back in January 2009. It's not due to lack of trying either. :/

Oh noes.
How do you go about trying to get dates?

I'm a member of my school's Medival Renaissance Club so I am around guys a lot. I'll sometimes go out for wing night with my friends on Monday night and to the bar on Thursday nights. I've also started an online dating profile. I've had a bunch of guys message me but only one actually planned a date with me. He canceled twice and I've pretty much given up the idea that he wants to meet with me. If he does, he'll take initiative. I'm not planning any more dates just to have him cancel. I'm also a member of my school's gay-straight alliance but I don't think that'll lead to anything for obvious reasons. I'm also trying to lose weight so I'm more attractive. Hopefully it'll get easier once this happens. Sadly, once I'll be able to lose enough weight to have a feminine figure, I'll be out of college and at home all the time or working to pay off my college debts. I don't think I'll have time to date for about five years after I graduate in the spring. Hopefully I'll be moved out by then because my mom wouldn't let me leave the house with a man that wasn't Christian. :/

I know the feeling. The only place I feel safe enough to be able to open up emotionally is at my church... and there's practically nobody there in my age group. I did date one girl from there, but she broke up with me (invoking feelings of inadequacy mentioned above in the process), and now there's practically nobody my age around in the one place where I could even hope to strike up any kind of meaningful relationship. Unless I can find a new place where I can feel safe in the knowledge that nobody would try to emotionally hurt me, I don't think i'll ever be able to get a girlfriend...

I don't feel safe at church. Everyone judges me for thinking differently then them. I'd be happy if I never had to step in a church again. :/

Do I feel safe anywhere? I feel better at college but I still don't feel safe enough to really open up with people. Nobody wants to hear about my problems so I don't say anything. I hear other students complain about those who talk about their feelings so I don't want people to hate me for it so I keep everything bottled up inside until I am alone so I can cry for hours on end. >.<

Maybe you should find a more mainstream church then... The only thing I'm ever judged for in my church is the fact that some people think I'm still "just a kid".

Um, I don't think that's the issue. I'm in a state now where I resent Christianity and all the trouble it's brought to other people. It was forced down my throat and I don't need a bunch of tightwad church ladies telling me what to believe. Even if I wanted to go, I'm not welcome at church at this point because I'm a "heathen" who doesn't believe in their God. Besides, since when is mainstream better? :/

Mainstream is better than a "we know what's best for you" type of church (regardless of political affiliation). My church encourages free thought and open debate among its members, and our pastors dont tell everyone how to live their life.

I thought the "we know what's best for you" church was mainstream since that's all I can find. Besides, my mom and grandma gave up on getting me to church so they watch the televangelists on TV who use God as an excuse to promote bigoted ideals and line their pockets with the tithes given by the congregation. Hell, my church convinced my brother to destroy everything Pokemon related just because the pastor said it's evil. My brother smashed my pokemon pikachu with a sledgehammer for the "good of the Lord." Any religion that promotes that a children's series is "of the devil" is something I don't want to be affiliated with. Also, God abandoned me years ago. I already have a father who does next to nothing for me, what good is another "absent Father" going to do for me? :/

It's good that you're into that sort of thing but I lost faith years ago and I'll probably never get it back.

I don't care what they say... a church that says a japanese television and game series is the "work of the devil" is decidedly not mainstream. Maybe that kind of thinking was so in the 1950s... but not today. I've engaged in many things such places would find "sinful" (my video gaming being near the top of the list), but it doesn't impact my faith or my relationship with my church because I don't let it.

Do you live near any major cities? I've found that more reasonable churches can be found in metropolitan areas (though wackjobs can be found anywhere, in or out of cities)... I can tell that you've been really hurt by a rather abusive church, and I just want you to know that there are religious organizations out there that are far more accepting of the world around them.

I hope you can heal enough to the point that you can regain some form of faith or spirituality in your life. Honestly, it's the only thing that keeps me going some times...

Nope. I live in a suburban area. I'm 10 or so miles from Harrisburg but I don't wanna get shot on my way to and from church. My church discouraged me from being friends with a little girl just because her father was black. I befriended her anyway to piss them off. :/

Yeah, that's highly unlikely. My religion is what drove my grandma to kick my uncle out of the house when he came out of the closet. Any religion that forces its followers to abandon their children like that is not worth following.

Sorry, RightGalaxy. This thread has gotten really off topic. I'm always unintentionally hijacking threads. >.<

Careful now. I identify with this religion. And I take almost everything personally. So, to me, you're basically saying that I abandon children and bring trouble to the people. Am I really like that?


Nah this one is my fault. I feel bad for Erisad being mistreated at the hands of a particular church that should be welcoming her as she is...

No, you're not. It's the older members that cause the most trouble because they have been brainwashed so badly that they can't think for themselves anymore. I can't take Grandma to the movies anymore without getting a sermon in the car afterward about "how corrupt the world is" and "it won't be long before the Lord takes us all" just because of a freaking movie! Unless it's a Pixar film, I'm not taking her. :/