Howto overcome fear when meeting the great love

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AntoniusBlock
Butterfly
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21 Sep 2010, 3:48 am

Hi all,

usually I don`t have big problems when talking to people, usually i am very funny, but ok i also don't talk very much. However when after a long time i meet this single woman again who i love for so many years now, its very difficult for me. I get extremely nervous, usually i didn't look her in the eyes, but just slightly left or right of her face. So actually i don't see her face. I say stupid things, e.g. when she says to me "we haven't seen so long, must be at least 3 years", then i say something like "not so long, must be only 2,5 years", which sounds as if i didn't miss her, though I missed her so much :cry: . And of course, i don't know what to talk about. I didn't dare to ask anything, because i had this great fear, that she might already have a boy-friend meanwhile, and i feared to hear it, but then she didn't have any.

Apparently she liked me since many years too, though i didn't notice. Last time, apparently she tried to look into my eyes for long, but i didn't look back. I know that only because she got very annoyed afterwards, probably thought i didn't like her. She then got a different boy-friend some months ago :cry:, not me, i wrote her, indirectly saying to her i like her too, but in a way it can't be misunderstood. I will go mad, if this missing smile then will ruin my life :( . I will meet her in a couple of days, i am not sure, if she is still together with him and what she will tell me.

Now at least i know how important it is to look her in her face, i didn't know that before, although i am in my late twenties now :oops:. But, probably i looked besides, because she feels so intensive to me. However, i still don't know if i will be able to look and talk to her without quirks. I read some books about asperger, however I still wonder how i can improve my communication skills when talking to her, how overcome the nervousness? Shall i drink a glass of wine, some tea (often makes me sleepy)? or better not?

all helps very welcome,
Antonius



dryad
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21 Sep 2010, 7:53 am

Hi, and welcome to WP.

You've known her a long time, so it stands to reason that she knows you well enough to know you're introverted/shy/whatever. You've written her a note letting her know you're interested. You don't know if she's still involved with someone else, so you'll have to wait until you see her to find out if she is. She might even initiate things herself if she's available and still interested in you.

Just take it one step at a time, try to be patient.


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Werecrocodile
Sea Gull
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25 Sep 2010, 9:04 am

There is nothing but you that holds you back.



roadGames
Velociraptor
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25 Sep 2010, 11:16 am

Forget about her. You've already blown it.



Merle
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26 Sep 2010, 11:50 am

AntoniusBlock wrote:
Hi all,

usually I don`t have big problems when talking to people, usually i am very funny, but ok i also don't talk very much. However when after a long time i meet this single woman again who i love for so many years now, its very difficult for me. I get extremely nervous, usually i didn't look her in the eyes, but just slightly left or right of her face. So actually i don't see her face. I say stupid things, e.g. when she says to me "we haven't seen so long, must be at least 3 years", then i say something like "not so long, must be only 2,5 years", which sounds as if i didn't miss her, though I missed her so much :cry: . And of course, i don't know what to talk about. I didn't dare to ask anything, because i had this great fear, that she might already have a boy-friend meanwhile, and i feared to hear it, but then she didn't have any.

Apparently she liked me since many years too, though i didn't notice. Last time, apparently she tried to look into my eyes for long, but i didn't look back. I know that only because she got very annoyed afterwards, probably thought i didn't like her. She then got a different boy-friend some months ago :cry:, not me, i wrote her, indirectly saying to her i like her too, but in a way it can't be misunderstood. I will go mad, if this missing smile then will ruin my life :( . I will meet her in a couple of days, i am not sure, if she is still together with him and what she will tell me.

Now at least i know how important it is to look her in her face, i didn't know that before, although i am in my late twenties now :oops:. But, probably i looked besides, because she feels so intensive to me. However, i still don't know if i will be able to look and talk to her without quirks. I read some books about asperger, however I still wonder how i can improve my communication skills when talking to her, how overcome the nervousness? Shall i drink a glass of wine, some tea (often makes me sleepy)? or better not?

all helps very welcome,
Antonius


If you're having anxiety in certain situations, a medical professional can prescribe medication to help (e.g. valium). However, that's HELLA cheating in many situations (e.g. polygraph, interviews, marriage proposals).

Now, know that you will pine for her and 2nd guess yourself for the next decade. Is it worth it to do nothing? What if she feels the same way and is looking for any glimmer of hope?

No, go out to coffee with her and try again.

How do you increase your communication skills? Join a book/discussion group, create a small task group at work, offer strangers rideshares off of craigslist, strike up random conversations on the bus/train or in coffee houses, goto the mall and flirt with the female sales associates. Ultimately, it's just practice.

Do NOT let the opportunity go to waste as you'll feel it for years.