ideal partner

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if NTs don't understand us and do we have to live the rest of our lives without some one then what, who is an aspies ideal partner

I read somewhere that a very emphatic, understanding, caring, self-aware and grounded NT can be a great partner for an Aspie. In my opinion, it takes somebody who is open to change his/her way of communicating, who has a good level of self asteem, who is willing to learn as much as possible about Asperger and who understands that it is a developmental disorder and you can't snap out of it.

Extreme nonsocial NT introvert, for me Like . . . doesn't seek social contact but not broken down by it (somebody who can handle answering the phone or calling companies for issues).

i need someone understanding and able to take control of a situation.

I'm lucky to be married to a very emphatic and smart NT--she was the one who figured out I had Aspergers. She considers herself lucky because I'm very smart and constantly learning new things--she loves to go out on weekend adventures,. She has physical/mental issues that we have learned to deal with as well--Lexapro, an SSRI. really helps our relationship. As our relationship has evolved (and continues to do so) I tend to take charge more often in situations.

I read that an Aspie needs a mentor to guide them through the horrors of the NT world......but I don't feel the need for a mentor at all, and anybody trying to lead me is only likely to make me angry. I get so sick of people trying to tell me that this or that "isn't the done thing" or that I "have to" attend this or that function. And I suspect that a lot of NT women would get the whole thing muddled up with mothering or over-nurturing.

I wondered once whether an Aspie partner would make more sense, as I'd expect some kind of strong bond from the common agenda, but frankly I find autistic behaviour as much of a putoff as NTs seem to find it - particularly "thoughtless" behaviour and the difficulty we have in taking an interest in stuff that we don't happen to be naturally interested in. It's very hypocritical of me but after suffering some of my estranged wife's autistic traits (chiefly making far-reaching decisions that affect us both, without seeing that I have feelings on these matters), I'd be very cautious.

Maybe the best way is to just list the things you want from a partner and try to get as many of those boxes ticked as you can.

Lots of people tell me that I should look at a homeless shelter or find a girl who's mentally retorted. At 1st I found this very insulting but think my idiot friends do have a point. i wouldn't rule out someone like that but I haven't met anyone

Someone who doesn't have their mind warped by society's views on what an attractive woman is supposed to look like. This same person has to be faithful too. I guess my expectations are too high.

I would, idk about you but stupid people annoy the piss out of me.



I know those aren't your only expectations, I've seen too many of your posts here to believe that.

My ideal partner would have a good balance between being grounded and ambitious.

Stupidity is relative. What lots of people tend to call stupidity; I call humor. Peter Griffin is hilarious.
I had a hard time understanding the way this topic was worded; I thought it meant the ideal partner that an Aspie could likely get or something like that. My ideal partner would be a Vulcan female or an android woman but seriously my ideal partner would be a woman who does NOT have drug or alcohol problem, is honest, direct, & does not play mind-games. I would probably date someone who doesn't meet any of this if she was interested in me & seemed sweet.

You say that but a Vulcan or Android would probably be so uncaring (especially the android) that you'd have to leave her for something better like the Borg Queen or a Romulan babe.

Vulcans & androids do care deep down even thou they may pretend not to. "Data also got an emotion chip & Vulcans do have very intense emotions that they've learned to control; I could learn a lot from one & a mind-meld seems like a great form on intimacy to me & would allow us to both better connect & understand each other. Me & lots of other Apsies tend to have problems relating, connecting & expressing ourselves with others.
The only attractive thing about 7of9 & the Borg queen were their bomb-shell bodies witchI didn't think were that hot.

I also think a Schizoid woman would be a great partner choice for me & probably lots of other Aspies. They have least a few similarities to AS & some can be Aspies who were misdiagnosed(I was) Schizoids are extreme loners who are prone to fantasizing, tend to appear to be unemotional or negative, they are fairly direct & are NOT into the social trends or fluff that lots of NTs are

Last edited by nick007 on 08 Oct 2010, 7:17 am, edited 1 time in total.

Those are the most important ones though. If they can't meet these requirements then I won't bother. :/

Ideal would be cherishing each others characteristics as unique rather than flaws.

My ideal partner would be laid back, faithful, assertive and confident.

Also he has to be someone who can deal with me at my worst. If a partner can't deal with you at your worst, they don't deserve you at your best.