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this gal, friend or more...?

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bewarethebob
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23 Oct 2010, 3:42 am

is f*****g amazing.

SO, ive been inside my apt for weeks now, just drawing, this girl Ive known for a while tells me to come to the dorm to hang out.

now she is very funny and pretty chill. she really trusts me, and we are pretty cool with each other.

Here is the issue and the question;
issue:
she just got out of a horrible relationship with a pretty bad guy, so bad it ended up in court trials. they were dating for the larger portion of a year, and now are broken up for about 2 or 3.

unfortunatly, Im not sure if I have been friend zoned. There are times I get the vibe she wants more, and other times where maybe she wants less...for example, when I ask if she wants to meet me at my place to hang out, or come to me, she usually refuses, being that she tends to be busy. however, on certain nights, we click really well, and have deep convos about what we think of each other, which usually ends in sweet things. Also, in cases like tonight she really was trying to be alone with me. She wanted to watch a movie, and if not for dorm rules regarding late night visitors, it would have been a deal. We also eat out together, alone, every so often. She is rather open with me, and recently has been a bit more physical, hugging me, grabbing my leg when she wants my attention, and allowing my to tickle and or poke fun at her a bit.

What leads me to believe i may be friend zoned is this: she told me today that the ra of the floor beneath her is intrested in her, but 'she cant date right now, just needs some time to chill'.

That can be read 2 ways, 1; she is trying to make me somewhat jealous of her immediate company. or 2; shes telling me about him because im just a good friend.

she also gets her face close to mine sometimes when we joke around, then smirks and backs off.

So....what do you guys think? Am I just a pal, or should I get closer to her, and when she is more ready, ask her out?

if I am a 'friend' how do I...um...change that?



Tias
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23 Oct 2010, 3:52 am

Despite how close she might seem to you, it can be she just considers you a very good friend.

And if you're in the friend zone, then thats pretty much it.
I havn't heard of people being able to get out of the friend zone once they first get into that zone.



CrinklyCrustacean
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23 Oct 2010, 6:18 am

If she's just come out of a messy breakup, then its perfectly reasonable for her not to be ready to date again.



curlyfry
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23 Oct 2010, 8:08 am

Why is she playing you like that? Not ready to date yet but doesn't mind breaking personal boundaries and all.



HopefulRomantic
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23 Oct 2010, 8:25 am

bewarethebob wrote:
is f***ing amazing.

SO, ive been inside my apt for weeks now, just drawing, this girl Ive known for a while tells me to come to the dorm to hang out.

now she is very funny and pretty chill. she really trusts me, and we are pretty cool with each other.

Here is the issue and the question;
issue:
she just got out of a horrible relationship with a pretty bad guy, so bad it ended up in court trials. they were dating for the larger portion of a year, and now are broken up for about 2 or 3.

unfortunatly, Im not sure if I have been friend zoned. There are times I get the vibe she wants more, and other times where maybe she wants less...for example, when I ask if she wants to meet me at my place to hang out, or come to me, she usually refuses, being that she tends to be busy. however, on certain nights, we click really well, and have deep convos about what we think of each other, which usually ends in sweet things. Also, in cases like tonight she really was trying to be alone with me. She wanted to watch a movie, and if not for dorm rules regarding late night visitors, it would have been a deal. We also eat out together, alone, every so often. She is rather open with me, and recently has been a bit more physical, hugging me, grabbing my leg when she wants my attention, and allowing my to tickle and or poke fun at her a bit.

What leads me to believe i may be friend zoned is this: she told me today that the ra of the floor beneath her is intrested in her, but 'she cant date right now, just needs some time to chill'.

That can be read 2 ways, 1; she is trying to make me somewhat jealous of her immediate company. or 2; shes telling me about him because im just a good friend.

she also gets her face close to mine sometimes when we joke around, then smirks and backs off.

So....what do you guys think? Am I just a pal, or should I get closer to her, and when she is more ready, ask her out?

if I am a 'friend' how do I...um...change that?



BewaretheBob,

Not a one of us are mindreaders aka Kreskin. The only way you can find out if she likes you more than a platonic friend is to ask her directly, politely, with respect and tact. And, if she says yes - then go for it with the caveat that she is emotionally available.

If she says no, then at at least you have the answer and you can move (from romantic aspirations) on while still maintaining good friends.

I hope you get some answers soon!

Good Luck!



Kaybee
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23 Oct 2010, 10:40 am

bewarethebob wrote:
...she told me today that the ra of the floor beneath her is intrested in her, but 'she cant date right now, just needs some time to chill'.

That can be read 2 ways, 1; she is trying to make me somewhat jealous of her immediate company. or 2; shes telling me about him because im just a good friend.


That can be read well more than two ways. The two mentioned are possibilities. Plus:
3. She wants to see your reaction to gauge how you feel about her.
4. She wants you to know that there are other guys who are interested in her, not to make you jealous but to make you see that you have to make a move if you're interested.
5. She is showing you that she is turning down other guys in favor of "chilling" with you (showing her interest in you).
6. She wants you to know that her lack of interest in you is not personal--she's just not ready to date anyone.
7. She just didn't really think about it.

I'm sure there are others, but these are possibilities which immediately come to mind. In other words, in order to decipher this, you need to take a more holistic approach--consider multiple factors together. I'm afraid I can't really help you here, though. I'm inclined to believe that women are crazy and predictable only in that they can be predicted to be crazy--best to ask a different woman, or perhaps a man.


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hyperlexian
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23 Oct 2010, 11:34 am

HopefulRomantic wrote:

BewaretheBob,

Not a one of us are mindreaders aka Kreskin. The only way you can find out if she likes you more than a platonic friend is to ask her directly, politely, with respect and tact. And, if she says yes - then go for it with the caveat that she is emotionally available.

If she says no, then at at least you have the answer and you can move (from romantic aspirations) on while still maintaining good friends.

I hope you get some answers soon!

Good Luck!

yes.


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bewarethebob
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23 Oct 2010, 1:17 pm

Kaybee wrote:
bewarethebob wrote:
...she told me today that the ra of the floor beneath her is intrested in her, but 'she cant date right now, just needs some time to chill'.

That can be read 2 ways, 1; she is trying to make me somewhat jealous of her immediate company. or 2; shes telling me about him because im just a good friend.


That can be read well more than two ways. The two mentioned are possibilities. Plus:
3. She wants to see your reaction to gauge how you feel about her.
4. She wants you to know that there are other guys who are interested in her, not to make you jealous but to make you see that you have to make a move if you're interested.
5. She is showing you that she is turning down other guys in favor of "chilling" with you (showing her interest in you).
6. She wants you to know that her lack of interest in you is not personal--she's just not ready to date anyone.
7. She just didn't really think about it.

I'm sure there are others, but these are possibilities which immediately come to mind. In other words, in order to decipher this, you need to take a more holistic approach--consider multiple factors together. I'm afraid I can't really help you here, though. I'm inclined to believe that women are crazy and predictable only in that they can be predicted to be crazy--best to ask a different woman, or perhaps a man.


makes sense.
ill try to get some answers soon then guys. thanks