30 Sep 2010, 7:06 am
I have suspected that I have asperger's since I heard about it in high school but i haven't been diagnosed because seeing a psychiatrist is damn expensive!
Anyway, I met a guy from okcupid who has asperger's and i noticed that we behaved SO similarly when we went on our date.
We saw Machete at some discount theater and we both lol'd at all the violent scenes. Later when we were outside we had a conversation and i felt like we were communicating on the same level. I didn't really look into his eyes and he didn't really look into mine, and I didn't get that feeling like 'oh, this guy has better social skills than me. he's not gonna call back' feeling that i get when i talk to most people. We were talking about how people always stare at us and he was like "don't take this the wrong way, but you're a porsche"
Anyway, I'm really happy that i met him. The only thing I'm worried about is the amount of affection i might receive if i go out with him. We were chatting on facebook last night and he just ranted about how his exes left him brokenhearted and practically ignored every witty remark i made. it just got to the point where I was just sitting there, e-listening, typing 'oh, that's terrible' 'oh, i'm so sorry' for hours. He seems to really like me already, but I have some mixed feelings. I feel like the only reason why I want to date him is because he's an aspie and reasonably cute. I'm just so desperate to find someone who will accept me. Should I talk to him about this stuff before we go out, or wait until we're in a relationship and I start to feel unhappy?
30 Sep 2010, 9:45 am
30 Sep 2010, 2:58 pm
03 Oct 2010, 5:34 pm
Hey, congratulations! But you could have found an Aspie guy here on WP a lot easier
You say that like it's a bad thing. "He is a rock star", "He is rich", "He is an American", etc. are all valid reasons to start dating someone. I wouldn't use it as the sole reason to be in a relationship with anyone though.
Welcome to WP. We accept you and will only try to change you a little bit at a time
If you're okay with listening to him gripe about his exes, then he should be willing to listen to your concerns and information you find out about Aspergers. Your stuff is 100% more relevant to the relationship than how broken hearted he was by the last girl who dumped him.
So yes, talk about it early. Why? Because you're going to talk about it anyways and you'd much rather talk about things you have in common.
17 Oct 2010, 2:01 pm
The_Face_of_Boo
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Joined: 16 Jun 2010
Age: 44
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 33,664
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17 Oct 2010, 2:09 pm
17 Oct 2010, 2:17 pm
18 Oct 2010, 12:22 pm
The_Face_of_Boo
Veteran
Joined: 16 Jun 2010
Age: 44
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 33,664
Location: Beirut, Lebanon.
18 Oct 2010, 12:39 pm
18 Oct 2010, 1:08 pm
Anyway, I met a guy from okcupid who has asperger's and i noticed that we behaved SO similarly when we went on our date.
We saw Machete at some discount theater and we both lol'd at all the violent scenes. Later when we were outside we had a conversation and i felt like we were communicating on the same level. I didn't really look into his eyes and he didn't really look into mine, and I didn't get that feeling like 'oh, this guy has better social skills than me. he's not gonna call back' feeling that i get when i talk to most people. We were talking about how people always stare at us and he was like "don't take this the wrong way, but you're a porsche"
Anyway, I'm really happy that i met him. The only thing I'm worried about is the amount of affection i might receive if i go out with him. We were chatting on facebook last night and he just ranted about how his exes left him brokenhearted and practically ignored every witty remark i made. it just got to the point where I was just sitting there, e-listening, typing 'oh, that's terrible' 'oh, i'm so sorry' for hours. He seems to really like me already, but I have some mixed feelings. I feel like the only reason why I want to date him is because he's an aspie and reasonably cute. I'm just so desperate to find someone who will accept me. Should I talk to him about this stuff before we go out, or wait until we're in a relationship and I start to feel unhappy?
he sounds like he has some issues with trust, but if you already had one successful date, maybe i am too pessimistic. personally, i would not date someone who already complained that extensively about their exes that early on. if we were having an ex-bashing conversation where we were both comparing notes (after we'd dated for a few weeks, maybe), that would be different.
this was one-sided, and it doesn't sound like he was framing the complaints in a way that made you look good (i.e. "i really like th way you listen to me. none of my exes listened like that") but it sounds a little like he has a chip on his shoulder and is just waiting for you to start on his next rejection...
and honestly... it doesn't sound like you really want to be with him if you are questioning whether you settled for him out of desperation. but you do also mention some positives about him.
if you decide to stay with him, maybe talk to him about how you feel uncomfortable when he complains about his exes.
18 Oct 2010, 9:38 pm
18 Oct 2010, 9:50 pm
QFT
19 Oct 2010, 11:08 am
