I'm a aspie who's never had a girlfriend before im 17

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BigDoubleK
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17 Apr 2010, 7:33 pm

Okay I'm 17 6'7 and I have Aspergers and I was diagnosed with Aspergers Syndrome I think when I was 7? and I have never had a Girlfriend before never even had my first kiss yet, and I'm a virgin. I'm a Junior in High School and I'm graduating High School in 2011, and then in fall 2011 I'm going to go to my city's tech college, because my Total Cumulative GPA right now is 1.56 But my quarter GPA Is 2.25, and if I decide I want to transfer to a university I will have to go to my city's tech college for a year or two and get my GPA above 2.0 . So I'm wondering will I meet girls at my city's tech college who would accept me and my Aspergers Syndrome? Because I would love to someday get married to the love of my life and one day maybe have children. I know I would be a very good boyfriend to a girl, and very commited to her, but I just got to find a girl who would date me. So what should I do?



Sound
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17 Apr 2010, 8:01 pm

I didn't have my first girlfriend or kiss till I was nearly 19(and I'm not even sure how that happened!)
Despite that, I later became somewhat successful with meeting women and dating.
So don't get too down on yourself.



LostAlien
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17 Apr 2010, 8:02 pm

As far as I understand things Aspies can start to date later than other people. I didn't start dating properly until I was about 22.

As far as I would advise here, if you do find a woman you like, go slow, try to focus on the relationship as it is in the present. About finding a girl to date, I'd suggest looking for a girl who likes the same things or similar things that you do so that you have something to talk about with her and see how you go from there. Going to something social (connected to your interests) may help you mix with and meet girls as well.



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17 Apr 2010, 8:25 pm

BigDoubleK wrote:
So what should I do?



Get up every morning and go about your business. The rest will take care of itself when the time is right. Don't worry about when the time will be right, that's out of your conscious control.

The more you obsess on it, the longer its likely to take.



ProfessorAspie
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17 Apr 2010, 8:49 pm

eh, I didn't have a gf before I was 22. I wouldn't sweat it.



ToadOfSteel
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17 Apr 2010, 8:56 pm

Willard wrote:
Get up every morning and go about your business. The rest will take care of itself when the time is right. Don't worry about when the time will be right, that's out of your conscious control.

The more you obsess on it, the longer its likely to take.
This is definitely good advice, yet i have a hard time following it myself. It's hard to just leave it be when you're wondering if the time will ever be right...

OP, i still wouldn't worry abotu it too much. I didnt have my first girlfriend until I was 21, and even then we didnt actually progress anywhere with the relationship... and that's been it so far. I know from experience that the waiting part is hard (I just mentioned how hard it is for me). I wish i had better advice to give you, but I'm just as lost as you are...



Sound
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17 Apr 2010, 9:29 pm

Willard wrote:
BigDoubleK wrote:
So what should I do?



Get up every morning and go about your business. The rest will take care of itself when the time is right. Don't worry about when the time will be right, that's out of your conscious control.

The more you obsess on it, the longer its likely to take.

Quite true. And this perspective described is pretty good, but I think it could be adapted to be even a bit better.

It's not about when it will happen, it's more about who you are. If you are a good person, then it will come to you in time, but the better you are as a person, the sooner it will happen. Therefore, beyond simply living life, you could benefit by focusing on making yourself a better person in some capacity. Perhaps through how you relate to other people, or how you treat your values, or how you commit to what's important to you and pursue those aspirations, or how healthy you are(that one's huge), or your overall enjoyment of your life, or your independence.

If you can improve all of those, you'll get a girlfriend easily.

Along those lines, I suggest giving >this site a read. Came across it the other day, and it's pretty good.



astaut
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17 Apr 2010, 10:01 pm

BigDoubleK wrote:
Okay I'm 17 6'7 and I have Aspergers and I was diagnosed with Aspergers Syndrome I think when I was 7? and I have never had a Girlfriend before never even had my first kiss yet, and I'm a virgin. I'm a Junior in High School and I'm graduating High School in 2011, and then in fall 2011 I'm going to go to my city's tech college, because my Total Cumulative GPA right now is 1.56 But my quarter GPA Is 2.25, and if I decide I want to transfer to a university I will have to go to my city's tech college for a year or two and get my GPA above 2.0 . So I'm wondering will I meet girls at my city's tech college who would accept me and my Aspergers Syndrome? Because I would love to someday get married to the love of my life and one day maybe have children. I know I would be a very good boyfriend to a girl, and very commited to her, but I just got to find a girl who would date me. So what should I do?


Firstly, I wouldn't worry that you haven't had a girlfriend yet. It's understandable that you would want one of course, but 17 isn't old or anything. (I'm 19...I've been in a couple relationships, but also a virgin.) As for meeting girls, that depends on a LOT of factors. I'm at my local community college, and I haven't made friends/met people, but I also haven't tried. If you want to meet people and potential girlfriends, I would:
-take classes when people your age are there (most teens are there during morning hours, adults usually take the night classes)
-stay away from night classes
-go to the main campus. The largest campus or the one with the dorms will have the most students your age. If you live in the dorms you will also meet more people.
-join activities/clubs/stuff like that
I didn't do/don't do any of those things, but I'm also not concerned with meeting people because I'm not staying at this school any longer than I have to. Most people make more friends at university than community college, but you can of course make friends there if you want. I think I would focus more on taking the classes that will raise your GPA so you can go to the university you want to go to. I would try hard in CC to make the grades to get into a university you fit into really well where you think you can make lots of friends.



lotuspuppy
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17 Apr 2010, 10:13 pm

I didn't meet my boyfriend until I was 21. He was worth the wait.



WhiteRaven_214
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17 Apr 2010, 10:59 pm

Before 17????

Hell, I'm 23 and had not even a sniff of a romantic relationship (or any close relationship for that matter :oops: )

But I'm sure we'll both find the right girl in the end.

Be yourself. Someone who will truly love you will overlook your Asperger symptoms and will concentrate on the things that really matter - trust, honesty, openness, co-operation, respect, and most importantly, love.

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So I'm wondering will I meet girls at my city's tech college who would accept me and my Aspergers Syndrome? Because I would love to someday get married to the love of my life and one day maybe have children. I know I would be a very good boyfriend to a girl, and very committed to her, but I just got to find a girl who would date me.


The attributes that you have described would be very attractive to a girl who genuinely wants a long-term relationship. Unfortunately, most (but not all) girls your age date without the intention of marrying at all.



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17 Apr 2010, 11:14 pm

I'm 20 and have had no romantic interactions. I get the feeling that getting close to someone in college isn't the best idea, as the whole environment is very turbulent. Focus on school, then relationships. Otherwise you risk screwing up both.


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dhol6691
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17 Apr 2010, 11:24 pm

I believe it is paramount that you do not fall victim to the standardised and simplified conceptions of Asperger Syndrome based on prior assumptions and beliefs purported by society. Although individuals that suffer from AS encounter problems engaging and maintaining social interactions, such as relationships, that does not imply the task is unachievable. I was also diagnosed with AS at an age similar to your own. I am now 21 years old, and although I have had girlfriends in the past, the largest obstacle I faced was the inability to show empathy, which is of particular concern to females. These are recognised symptoms of AS, but just as any obstacle; you have a far greater chance of overcoming them, if you can first see the obstacle in front of you.

Do not be disheartened at the difficulty in gaining a girlfriend or for the complications of AS. Many people, even those who are not ‘Aspies’ also suffer difficulty in finding a girl (or boy) that satisfies them on a level they so desire. If you are afraid that your difficulties in maintaining a relationship is amplified by the symptoms of AS, then I remind you of a expression that I am very fond of, “those who matter don’t mind, and those who mind don’t matter”.



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18 Apr 2010, 12:01 am

I was 18 before I had a boyfriend or kissed a guy so don't feel like you are some kind of freak or destined to be alone. There are good reasons to wait for a romantic relationship, especially since you are going to college. At least you can focus on studies. I have a feeling you may not like that idea at your age, but at least it is a positive. I was in college when I had my first boyfriend and I think it was a big distraction.



bigdave
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18 Apr 2010, 12:58 am

I was 22 before I really dated anyone or kissed a girl or had sex and then one day it just happened. I really don't know how or what I did. Just wait for the right person to come around.



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18 Apr 2010, 2:44 am

dhol6691 wrote:
I believe it is paramount that you do not fall victim to the standardised and simplified conceptions of Asperger Syndrome based on prior assumptions and beliefs purported by society. Although individuals that suffer from AS encounter problems engaging and maintaining social interactions, such as relationships, that does not imply the task is unachievable.

Smart words, right there!

I was diagnosed less than a year ago, and had never suspected that I was on the spectrum. I always knew I was a bit different, very introverted, sorta awkward, had my quirks, but otherwise just another guy. At one point, I decided I had enough of being awkward, and worked hard on 'catching up' with everyone else, not realizing the reason I was lagging. And I mostly succeeded at catching up, socially.

Had I been diagnosed at an earlier age, I wonder if I'd have done the same thing. I wonder if knowing I really was physically/chemically/neurologically different would have stopped me from deciding to make that change. I can't know for sure.

However, I do see this as some semblance of evidence that one's neurology does not trump one's will. So stay strong and determined. Don't fall into feelings of disability or helplessness. It is an illusion.



Northeastern292
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19 Apr 2010, 3:25 pm

BigDoubleK wrote:
Okay I'm 17 6'7 and I have Aspergers and I was diagnosed with Aspergers Syndrome I think when I was 7? and I have never had a Girlfriend before never even had my first kiss yet, and I'm a virgin. I'm a Junior in High School and I'm graduating High School in 2011, and then in fall 2011 I'm going to go to my city's tech college, because my Total Cumulative GPA right now is 1.56 But my quarter GPA Is 2.25, and if I decide I want to transfer to a university I will have to go to my city's tech college for a year or two and get my GPA above 2.0 . So I'm wondering will I meet girls at my city's tech college who would accept me and my Aspergers Syndrome? Because I would love to someday get married to the love of my life and one day maybe have children. I know I would be a very good boyfriend to a girl, and very commited to her, but I just got to find a girl who would date me. So what should I do?


Don't feel bad. Sometimes you are better off late blooming. I didn't start getting around to dating until last year, and I'm

So, sit down, watch a cult classic (e.g. The Blues Brothers, Young Frankenstein, anything with Joe Pesci, listen to some good music and take up a hobby. And everyone's telling me to get out of the house more often, and it's always a good thing to do.