Your first reaction to being asked out

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My old reaction used to be either Duh...uh...derrr.... or ...can I get back to you on that?

Now it's just No.

I know Yes is unusual for an Aspie but if they ask I would feel too uncomfortable to say no. Also, having grown up with a lot fliters and I fairly comfortable with these situations. It is one where I have a large dictonary of what looks and "moves" mean.

Yeah yealc, I know what you mean. But I'd also feel uncomfortable saying Yes to someone I don't even know... so I'd ask to defer my decision.

I guess from the wording of the poll I assumed that I knew the person to some extent and they were not someone I don't know at all. If I did not know them at all I would agree with defering my opinion.

My first time answer was more like "Uh, whatever. I guess so."

I was a shy, geeky 16-year-old who had never been kissed and had no friends; she was an extroverted 17-year-old who probably wasn't going to take "no" for an answer anyway. I still have no idea why she picked me, other than the fact we were both on the same bowling team at school. We dated for about 8 months. Things fell apart one night when she apparently sent me every subtle signal she knew for "tonight is the night we have sexual intercourse for the first time" and I didn't notice a thing. She could have said something. She could have handed me a condom. She could have grabbed my wrists, pulled me into her bedroom, locked the door and yanked down my pants. Had she said or done anything overt then we might still be making babies today. Instead the night ended like so many others and I went home. A day or two later one of her friends cornered me at school and asked if I had lost interest in my girlfriend or something. I had to ponder that question and reconsider the events of our last date for a while before I realized I had casually walked away from an event I had been dreaming about since the start of puberty.... I was totally demoralized and more than a little afraid because I had no way of rationalizing what had happened. She wanted to keep dating but I realized I was completely out of touch and had no business mucking about in other people's lives so I ended it.

BTW, these days I'm more likely to say "yes" because I know what my limitations are and can tell them about AS before it becomes a factor in the relationship.

If only girls would be so direct with me. I think if a girl I only "kinda liked" actually went to the trouble of asking instead of just making big eyes at me and laughing way too much, I'd say yes. It'd be a refreshing change.

Of course, I'd probably have panic attacks later.

I'll let you know if it happens

I'd go out with her. As long as she seems nice and friendly, why not. I don't get many chances, and besides, it could turn out pretty well.

Where's the "not applicable" or "incomplete data" response? It'd be neat to be asked out some day.

...can I get back to you on that?

does it have to be a girl doing the asking?

"Uhm.. It's a joke, right?"

That's very forward and assertive, but I don't see anything wrong with it. If a girl did that to me, that would get my attention. I'd just hope to know what to say to avoid my hesitance making them feel shot down unnecessarily.

I put ...Can I get back to you on that? because it has never happened to me and I am 40 so it is probably not going to happen now.

I am not sure that my personality is the right type for this sort of thing anyway.

When I got asked out for the first time , I was really surprised.Only this was by 5 people(although they all did this on seperate occasions).I wanted top say that I've gone out before so I went out with them.I did NOT find it enjoyable since they wanted to things I was not comfortable with.

SpaceCase