Looking for advice on previous relationship

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Hi
I need some advice with an issue I'm having right now.
Several years ago I met a girl who I believed at that time (and still do to some extent now) to be a soul mate of mine - she is actually one of the very few people on this planet that I felt more or less at ease talking to and be around, and that's kind of special for me. She doesn't have AS, by the way. We became friends, we'd hang out from time to time etc.

Now, just to give you an idea about the kind of feelings I have for her: I'm not really interested in sex (with anyone, not just her), so it was never about that. I just intensely enjoyed being around her, interacting with her, talking to her... I felt a kind of connection with her that I have never had with anyone else before or after. I have to note here that "intensely enjoyed" is an understatement if there ever was one, it's just that I can't really describe the feeling in words right now. At that point I thought it was a "crush", but now I don't think it was. Anyway, I told her I wanted us to be more than just friends, and she either didn't like it or freaked out, and the end result of that was that we sort of "unfriended".

Anyway, I miss having her in my life. I'm not sure I could handle a romantic relationship with her even if she wanted to, but I do miss being around her and talking to her. I never really told her how I feel about her or that she is one of the only people I've every felt any kind of connection with, but I want to tell her all that and also to tell her that I want us to be friends again. Does that sound like a good idea? I mean about telling her. I want her to know that I still care about her deeply, but then again I don't want to give her the impression that I am interested in something like having sex with her, which I don't.

Does she know about your AS? And does she get it?

I would say, contacting her and letting you say what you need to say is good, if she's open to that contact. Do you want to tell her these things because there is something you want? If so, please don't set yourself up for a disappointment, she may not react as you hope. I would say, if you need to learn to communicate these things, for your own fulfillment, then learn how to do so--again, if she's receptive. This stuff with the heartache can get so touchy.

She does know about my AS - indirectly, I guess, because my parents and her parents are friends and they know.

The main reason I want to let her know is that it would simply make me feel good to know that she knows. And I keep hearing that you should always try to let peole know how you feel about them. If she wants to be friends again after I tell her, that would be an added bonus.

I didn't understand what you meant by "learn how to do so" and "this stuff with the hearthache can get so touchy."

Learn how to do so...I think we all need to learn how to share our insides with others, but I think those of us with AS struggle with it more. Often we don't know there is something we're feeling and should share until...well, years too late. A relationship, a healthy growing relationship, requires that kind of sharing and honesty, and we fall down a lot because we don't even know there's something that needs to be revealed. And we often don't get the practice. I think if there is something you understand better about what you are feeling and have felt, it will make good practice to learn how to say these things to another person...even if she's not interested, even if it's not going to make any change in your relationship. I think once we learn how to approach these things, they get easier to understand and talk about after the first time.

Heartachy stuff...well, if she freaked out, there is something she experienced emotionally. It may be a frightening and scary thing to think you want a relationship with her...for whatever reason...she may feel threatened or frightened if you want to talk with her again. Unfortunately, you probably aren't going to know or understand her point of view unless she tells you directly and is honest with both herself and you. All you can do is know yourself and your reasons and proceed with caution. Please be careful not to have any preconceptions about how that talk is going to go, just worry about yourself. I really wish you luck. *hug*

Thank you, pandorazmtbox. I now understand what you meant.
If other people have more insights to offer, please do.

Yeah, I think you should tell her your feelings. I don't think it will hurt anything. Have you got an email or facebook contact you can write to her with?

Thanks, Moog. Yeah, I do have her on Facebook. I think it'd be much easier for me to do this in writing instead of in person.

How do you know she didn't like it or was freaked out? Did she just stop talking to you? If so, I'm sorry; that's not very nice for her to do and a bit cowardly.

I do agree being up front with her is best, and telling her how your AS specifically affects relationships. Also, be open to listening to her. But be firm that your intentions are pure.

I wish you the best.

I suggest doing it in writing and then leaving her alone. If she replies, great. If she doesn't, walk away with your head high.

Thanks for your reply, TheWeirdPig. After that she just started seeing me and talking to me less and less, to the point of zero communication.

Thanks, MotherKnowsBest. That's exactly what I ended up doing. I even said that she obviously doesn't have to reply.