Dating a celebrity = bad idea?

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Ok, interesting story.

So I met a minor celebrity (chef who does radio/newspaper/television appearances and is starting a TV series next year), and he pursued me - said he really liked me as a person (not for my appearance) and spoke a lot about how much he liked me. We texted back and forth, and he asked me how I felt about him, but I said I would be honest: I wasn't sure if I liked him just as a friend or as more than a friend, it would take me more time to know, and that I'm also a bit screwed up when it comes to relationships. He knows about my AS. His initial response to my text was that he'd been hurt before, so he'd like just to be friends.

I heard nothing from him for 3 days, then he sent me a text asking how I'd been and we started talking again. He wanted to take me out to dinner, or cook for me, and I agreed. So we met up and went out on this wonderful date, where he paid for everything, and we seemed to be getting along really well. I realized I did like him after all. But at the end of the night, we made out (he initiated) and he asked to stay the night with me and "cuddle" (cuddle in this context possibly not being a literal definition). I turned him down, saying that my room was too messy, and he went home and I went to bed - not thinking too much more about it because I figured maybe he got overenthusiastic or something. But then I get this text from him at 4:30am asking me to hurry up and clean my room because he was leaving for Melbourne then Sydney (for interviews and business meetings) in two days. This annoyed me, as I started thinking - what does he actually want out of this? Later on in the morning I sent a text back saying it was too soon for sleepovers because they could lead to more serious things and we needed to know where we were going with this first. He initially sent a text back saying this was fine, and we texted back and forth a little bit more, but then he sends this text saying that he is too busy to be in a relationship with any girl right now and we'd need to just be friends at this stage. I said that's fine but exclusivity and full intimacy are reserved for relationships only. He said he understood, he didn't want to hurt me, and I was an awesome girl. That was 2 days ago and I haven't heard anything since.

My conclusion: He was after a casual hookup/one night stand, maybe got overconfident that I would do that with him because of having an overinflated ego (thus explaining why he persisted for so long - figured I would wear down eventually?) and finally gave up after he realized that I was only after a relationship and he wouldn't get anything like that from me.

My confusion: He seemed to put an inordinate amount of time and effort into talking to me and getting to know me, telling me personal things about himself, and discussing all these future things we could do together, for someone who was just after a casual hookup. Even taking into account overconfidence, or him enjoying the chase, or something along those lines.

Other possible conclusions: He was being honest in that he is too busy, plus traveling too much, but felt lonely and maybe wanted an ongoing causal thing with someone in Brisbane whenever he was around.

I think my conclusion is right though.

What do you guys think?

Also - for the people who know me on facebook, I want this discussion to be kept private and just discussed on this WP thread.

I second that conclusion

Well, it was totally inappropriate to ask to stay over to "cuddle" on the occasion of your first date. He didn't want to "cuddle," he wanted to get laid.

That said, it could be that he was really interested in seeing where a relationship with you might lead, but wasn't willing to invest any time in a relationship that didn't involve sex. His ego/celebrity might play a part in that, but even "regular" guys seem to feel entitled to sex after a few dates. I think you handled the situation well.....I think its important to let a relationship develop before becoming intimate....but I tend to be a bit old fashioned in that regard.

My conclusion: You like him.

I have to agree with boo on this one, you seem to have put a lot of effort into texting him and deciphering his text so you must at least like him a little otherwise you wouldnt have gone on a date with him on the first place.



I would suggest just waiting, you made clear that you wanted a serious relationship, he said he doesnt want a relationship and if you keep texting he is going to get the idea that you might have changed your mind about wanting a relationship. Tell him to contact you when he is ready for a relationship.

Haha, cheeky bugger.

I'm not denying that I like him (or liked him), but if my conclusion is correct then I don't think I'll bother to speak to him again (unless he approaches me again first in friendship, thus meaning at least in some way he has been honest to me).

My thoughts and emotions may have been foolish, but my actions won't be.

@sunshower
A question please, how much time passed since you first met him?

The answer of this question is crucial for my conclusion.

How much is IQ btw? Is he science-oriented at least?

Around a week and a half.

Then your first conclusion is totally true.
He ran away once you have mentioned serious relationship!
He didn't put much effort in this relationship. A person who want to sleep with a girl after only a week and half of knowing her is not serious at all.
I mean, yes I have AS so my judgment would be different, but logically if two persons are aiming toward serious relationship they have to spend time knowing each others before moving it to a more serious and intimate level.
And another thing, and let me quote :

In comparison to what he said the very same day (please correct me if I got the timing wrong):


What the heck?!
If he has no time for relationships and he knew this all along, then he didn't aim for any relationship with you! Just a one night stand kind of thing.

I'm really sorry if I was taking it too seriously and personally, but really really really these kind of guys who approach girls this way without even a hint of taking responsibility make me angry.
---
Update: When I said "they have to spend time knowing each others" this means months, year or even more. As long as they are serious, they won't run away or give up easily.

I don't know, but he seems to be very smart. Business oriented more. Clearly smart enough to fool me and all my friends too that he was the real deal (he appeared to really care about me and like me for me). But I guess I am pretty naive and trusting, and maybe I described the situation to them through rose coloured lenses without meaning to.

My problem is that once I decide I like someone (once I cross that line), even if I've only known them a short time I get strongly attached to them and zoned in on them. Detaching myself is a slow, hard, and painful process. I know I need to get out there and try dating people if I ever want to even have a hope of finding a partner, but I take hits hard and don't shift from person to person easily. It can be very destructive for my emotional well-being.

Plus this sort of thing seems to happen a lot. If you're a young, attractive, naive female then you're pretty much shark bait on the dating scene. Normally guys are more upfront or their intentions are clear to me so I am able to steer clear of all the ones that just want to sleep with me, but this guy was obviously really good at deception. He said towards the start of our conversing that he liked me for my personality and not for my appearance, and normally I can pick that as a warning sign when a guy rants on and on about how "beautiful" I am (in really over the top language, clearly exaggerating).

I avoid going to clubs altogether these days (even for friends birthdays) because I normally get cornered by a guy in the first 5 minutes who just wants to get into my pants. It's dangerous. I once had to hide in the toilets to get away from one of these guys, and I waited a good 15 to 20 minutes thinking surely he would have given up by that point, but when I walked out he was still there waiting for me. But yeah, you don't expect to have to watch out for this sort of thing during the day when you're just trying to go about your daily life.

I am angry too. He cornered me in mid-morning after my performance at an outdoor event (I'm a singer/pianist) when I was least expecting something like that (at least go to a nightclub to pick up girls for that sort of thing, where girls know what your intentions are). He deceived me and convinced me that I could trust him. He even said that he could tell it was hard for me to trust people and that he was genuine. It was a short period of time but we texted back and forth every day.

I said that 2 days ago, I'm in that process right now. Well, unfortunately I'm kind of self-taught expert in this process.
It will pass, within time. Like everything else.
I don't know how society turned to be like that. But I can't help it to notice those who run around approaching every girl they meet are devolved than those who are ready for a commitment.



But you did the right thing in the end. Even more you have gained more experience in dealing with such people. And that's a good thing.

He doesn't seem nice or genuine. The text of "hurry up and clean your room" because he was leaving for Melbourne in two days indicates a total lack of respect. After only one date and after knowing him only a week and a half he had no right to expect intimate relations with you. Also, texting you at 4.30 (a.m. I assume) shows no respect.

The thing you should understand about celebrities - that celebrity doesn't come to an individual that isn't busting their rump 110% to get their name, and face, out there. Being around a celebrity personality, for me would be tiring and exhausting because the parts of me that are AS - are the exact opposite of the parts of other people that would enjoying being a celebrity. Having said that, its important you know where you are going to rank in the hierarchy of his world.

Most celebrities put their fame ahead of everything, and everyone, in their lives. My advice is to be careful and have fun.