Spinsterhood

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Are you, or are there any people you know that are spinsters/ never married even when they're older? What kind of support is there for people who never find romance, and what can people do?

Ooh, "spinster" is not a good word! I'm just 26, but I don't plan to ever get married. This might sound random, but if you're interested in how single women find support, I would highly recommend you check out the book "The New Single Woman" by E. Kay Trimberger. The title sounds corny, but it's a serious book. It's basically about how unmarried women 35+ construct their lives.

Spinsters are doing it for themselves

Support? Hmm, never thought being single needed support, but that would be nice. I've not had much support for my spinsterhood!

I think a lot of people that can't or don't get partners for whatever reason get very involved in hobbies, community projects, church groups etc. etc. I guess that can be supporting.

There's always a chance you could meet someone doing things like that too. Never say never.

I guess what you can do depends on the reasons why you are single. You can work on those things.

I don't understand the question. Support? What kind of support? What do we need to be supported? Not that I am old enough to qualify as a spinster, but I usually figure I'm one in training.

Yeah I don't think you can be in your 20s or even 30s and be considered a spinster. Ha, what a funny word. It reminds me of the Victorians.

Maybe singles activities sort of serve the purpose I think you're looking for?

I believe that technically a woman can be termed a "spinster" once she is 26 and not married!

I'm 42 and have two failed marriages behind me. I've been on my own now for over 3 years, and to be perfectly honest, if it weren't for the fact that I have a lovely son, I'd happily turn the clock back and stay single! I realised about a year ago that I had bought into the idea that a woman can only be happy if she's part of a couple and that being single is some kind of failure. I feel like that is some kind of conspiracy! It's simply not true and it's really a continuation of a system of the past which oppressed women. The media perpetuates the idea that we can only be happy hanging off a man's arm, but we are so much more than that! Also, women can be their own worst enemy when it comes to this kind of thinking too.

Being single means that I don't have to compromise, I can do what I want, when I want and how I want. If I were single and childless, I would be free to travel, take professional and financial risks as they would affect only me.

I have met a number of older single women, and they are strong, interesting, independent individuals who have chosen and followed their own path in life.

Maybe we should reclaim the word "spinster" and imbue it with that spirit of independence of thought and action!

Last edited by Marcia on 19 Nov 2010, 9:46 pm, edited 1 time in total.

makes me wonder if the spinsters of the past were really aspies.

Some of them, yes, definately. Others were lesbians, some were of marriageable age when war killed millions of young men, a small number had enough money of their own not to have to marry for financial security.

Possibly so ... and I had long forgotten about my mother's paternal "Aunt Mary" and my maternal grandmother's sister until seeing this thread.

I doubt "Aunt Mary" was autistic, but neither was she really a spinster in the way I would think of one. Rather, she grew up within a large family where there was always someone committed to the task of caring for the grandparents ... and caring for others is what this woman did for her entire life. My grandmother's sister did the same, but I believe more out of circumstance than of actual choice. She was always very polite, tidy, considerate and orderly, but she seldom ever spoke more than few words at a time and only when actually necessary. Privately, I used to joke about her as being the oldest still-living virgin in the county, but I now see that was wrong to do and even cruel.

I don't like the word "spinster" either, but where I live most people would assume that if someone is single/never married that there is something wrong with them. As if my life has less value because I'm not married. It's worse if never married because usually those people are childless. And apparently if one has not procreated, one has nothing to offer society. It's such a couple-y world and if you do things alone, people look at you odd.

(People don't necessarily say this aloud, but it's the attitude I get from friends, family, former co-workers--especially co-workers. I never understood why my commitments meant less than someone else's because their commitments were child-related.)

Yes, it still gets to me sometimes. But at the end of the day, not explaining anything takes a lot less time and energy than explaining things people will never understand anyway.

It reminds me of crazy cat ladies.

I'm probably going to be one

In WW1 millions of young men were killed.
In WW2 millions more were killed.

It stands to reason that an equal number of young women could never marry.

Yet, somehow they must have managed.

yeah, me too.

Can I join?

The operation to become a lady is usually quite expensive.