Human Touch

Post Reply New Topic

After 12 years of marriage, we've been separated for 1.5 years and officially divorce in 1 month. Partly my AS, partly her job (drug counselor, stressful and picked up a lot of bad habits).

I miss Human Touch. I feel desperate for it. I have no way to get it.

My job is hell this year, working 7 days a week so haven't been able to get out. No other jobs are open. I'm often the "boss" at work so those romances are out. The work is stressful so people don't make friendships. No family in the area. "Friends" were hers first and foremost so went with her. Joined a local non-dating active singles group and get out for a couple hours every other month.

The only way I've found to cope is to treat Human Contact like an addiction. Avoid situations where I might relapse. Don't think about it. Stay busy, away from the temptation. But its always there.

I've read this forum for a while but haven't found an answer. I can't hear anything in crowded areas so bars/restaurants/etc are out. I'm not going to volunteer because I'm fried from work. I've studied online dating but don't have the social skills to be successful in that area. No friends in the area as a starting point to meet other people.

I know that I often see things as black and white - be a vulcan versus drown in desperation... there must be an option #3... I haven't found it...

I'm almost 25, and I've never had a girlfriend/wife/whatever. The concept of affection and "human touch" has completely eluded my life.

I feel the same KnightGhost, it's amazing how easy it is to miss human contact when you are forcefully deprived of it. And honestly, I think the long hours you are putting in are probably not helping, I know when I used to work nights and do 60 hours a week was the when I felt it all most keenly, that somehow coming home from dealing with all the crap would be made easier to deal with by a gentle hug and a kind word and a soft caress, although now I have no work and I feel it just as much.

I wish I had the answer, but I am afraid not, but I feel some of what you are going through.


john

You have 2 choices.

1) If human touch is all that you crave, I'd suggest getting a massage.

2) Your job will ultimately kill you. Think about what you are doing and why. 7 days a week where you are the boss and the job is filled with stress.

Human contact is a basic human need, much like food, clothing and shelter. It's not pain killers, alcohol and cigarettes. The need for basic human contact isn't going to go away. Because you have trained your employer to expect you to work 7 days a week with no complaints, they will not be changing your hours any time soon. Your employer is going to suck every last breath out of you because they can.

You can either continue on this work-related path until you die in a few short years, tell your employer you can't handle the hours any more and they need to scale them back immediately, or find new employment.

After you take a long nap and a vacation then you can start putting a plan together to shore up your friendships and maybe find a SO.

a human need?

I doubt that. If that were the case I would have died a decade or so ago.

i do not like to be touched.
i deflect peoples hands off me immediately when i feel them touching me.
some people are ok to accept a touch from, but i must be acclimatized to how they touch me.
i am too ticklish and i can not remain still if i am touched by someone who i can not anticipate the "choreography" of.

Although I get plenty of loving (and less loving) touch from my children I miss romantic touch. I don't mean the sexual kind (well, that too), but rather the light hand holding, just fingers hooking in to each other, the strong arm around my waist or hand stroking my hair, warm breath on my cheek and light kisses when nobody's watching.

And yet I'm not single. I'm engaged, but we're separating in an attempt to try and find our way back to a romantic relationship. The fact that I once had all that, and that the man I had it with is still under the same roof, yet we never touch, and when we do it seems contrived, all that is tearing me to shreds. I really know what you mean about craving the TOUCH. I daydream about it, that wordless connection that I actually understand, unlike regular social communication.

With romantic touch it's like I don't even have a communication problem.

Mundane everyday touching irks me. I don't get why people who don't know each other have to touch. That's so private.

With 1262 posts, I say you are getting plenty of human contact, even if it is Internet based.

Internet contact is like eating tofu when you are craving steak.

Yes, but both steak and tofu will keep you alive. Eating no food at all kills you in 3 weeks.

Aww! I'd give you a hug if you are ok with hugging a guy, and if you weren't all the way in ID.

I remember reading that touch (and romantic relationships) release chemicals in the brain and you go through withdrawal from them when the you are deprived of these things. But unlike illegal/legal drugs, these are naturally occuring chemicals and generally good for your well-being (or at least your demeanor). But it does explain why the beginning of relationships feel so good and the ending of them so bad.

First off - Touch is a human need.

Read Ashley Mantagu's book "Touching" (written in the early 1970's) Infant primates (which includes humans...) who did not receive touch DIED!! !

Autism or not - human's are hardwired to want some sort of touch (what kind of touch may differ between individuals - autistic or not).

Your need is very real.

Someone already gave good advice when they suggested a massage. Go to a licensed or registered massage therapist or a masseuse who specifically advertises "non-sexual" (many massage parlours are fronts for prostitution).

Advise your therapist or bodyworker of your diagnosis and explain that you have some trouble connecting with people and are needing a gentle, caring, non-sexual massage.

You can also check out reflexologists (these bodyworkers will work on either or feet, hands or ears). I foot rub is wonderful and really helps fulfill that need for touch.

If you are in a big city - there might be a school of massage therapy or bodywork where student practitioners will give the treatment. The schools are often less expensive than regular practitioners.

I hope that this helps.

It's hard, isn't it? Recently separated myself and needing that kind of contact, I know what you mean (read my thread about non conventional relationships).

I'm rather embarrassed to admit that I'm extremely ticklish. Tried massages, can't do them. Can't really deal with touch unless its from a woman I know and like.

Not trying to shoot down ideas, trying to come up with something that works.

There aren't any jobs in my field in the area, and I can't sell my house in this market. I'm working with the managers at work to remedy my number of work hours. If things go well then this is the last weekend I'll work this year.

There's nothing wrong with that though. Why not seek out a mate who meets your sensory and romantic needs? I don't know why Aspies (or anyone else) feels the need to settle. Find someone who meets your sensory/romantic needs. They're out there.