AS girl and NT boy, problems arise

Post Reply New Topic

Well, I have AS, and my boyfriend of a year does not.. I educate him as much as I can, more so as much as he wants me to. He doesn't judge me or treat me any differently because of it, there is no ill will in that sense.
But, he doesn't seem to understand how I react to stressing situations. I've been told I'm very cold-hearted, "messed" up, unemotional, etc.; all because of my AS. I explain to him that it is my use of logic that makes me seem mean spirited, and he needs to see it from an outsider's perspective, or at least control his emotion. He seems to sometimes misunderstand it so much that he blames his bitterness on mine, therefore attempting to justify it. I'm not trying to be bitter, I'm using my brain instead of my heart, so to speak. Are either of us in the wrong? Am I really being cold-hearted or do others with AS feel or struggle with the same?

I had the same problem with my NT girlfriend. What we call rational and logical NT's view as unemotional for some reason. All i can say is meet somewhere in the middle if possible. Try to show more emotion even if you have to "fake it".

I try very very hard, but, it's nearly impossible. I have to re-think every single thought in my head I believe to be logic or fact (which is nearly everything), and from there I would have usually forgotten what I was speaking about.

I hate to say it, but he sounds like a real jerk. You could explain your Asperger's to an NT person until you're blue in the face, but they still won't get it. If he doesn't understand you, then he's probably not worth your time. He's probably not educated enough to understand. Most people don't understand. On the other hand, if you really care about him, what you could do is go to the libary, take out a few books about Asperger's, and ask him to read them. Or print out a few Internet articles on the subject, and ask him to read them sometime. He might understand better if he reads up on it, instead of your trying to explain it to him. If he's not a reader, or he still doesn't understand, then just forget about him.

Blunt and meaningful, thank you. He's not the most intelligent but he's also not a dunce and he does what he can, loves, intensely, and gives it his all. I think I'll print out some articles, thank you for the great advice.

Don't bother with the articles. Your trying the way you go about understanding because it is your nature want to understand. People are different and I'm not saying anyone is right or wrong. It is a relationship with two very different personalities and how much are you both willing to work to keep it healthy.